That he has never seen. When the woman found out she was pregnant she left the State and moved across the country, never allowing him to see her. She is now 17. He talks to her on the phone on the rare occasion and keeps up with her on FB, but thats it. This has only happened for a couple of years too. Before that he was not allowed to tell her he was her father, had to pretend he was an old friend of her mothers just to hear her voice.
He could have fought this because he does pay child support but never had the money to hire an out of state attorney, ect. Me I would have done whatever I had to just on principal alone but I'm not him or in his shoes.
Now the daughter and her mother are going to go to see my husbands ex-wife and kids. The ex will see his daughter before he does. I guess they are friends now because they can both bash him and try to hurt him. He doesn't know she is going there.
I hate the mother. She is a horrible person. Who could live with themself and be this way?
I just had to get it out because I can't say anything anywhere else.
I am sorry, how awful the ex gets to meet her first, my dh has a daughter and a son he does not see, his ex told him he could only see them if he came home, if they were not together he would not see them, and if I were him I would have gotten a lawyer and fought it but as you said I am not him or in his shoes. He just started talking to them on facebook, and has talked to them on the phone a few times, all she did was hurt the kids by trying to control him.
So, the husbands ex wife and kids - those kids are her siblings? I could kinda see it. This was totally on him. He could have done lots of things - moved after her, tried later, moved later, and chose not to. He did choose, apparently, to marry again, have more kids, then get divorced, and leave them. Yep - totally on him.
How horrible and weird too. The mom and his daughter are going to see His ex wife? Sounds like a plot to me. If he doesn't know, he has a right to know.
My dh has a daughter from his first marriage. His wife left him while he was out of country with the Army, when he came home, she and the baby were gone. he found her in WVA with family. She was pg and very much so. For about a year she let him see his daughter, then she up and moved. No one would tell him where she had gone.
He did not know where his daughter was until she was 12. She ran away from home and the ex calls us wanting to know if we've seen her?!?! I'm like WHAT
Then they disappeared again. When stepdd turned 18 she called us one day.
The relationship is strained at best. But at least he has communciation with his dd and grand dd, also one on the way.
WHY do we, as people, do this? Selfishness. If he was not abusive, mean or a harm to the child, why deprive them both of a relationship.
So many ppl are in therapy for this very reason.
OK, sorry, not your fault, it is just a touchy subject and one that drives me batty.
I hope and pray your dh gets to see his dd soon and that you can be a freind to her as well. Sounds like with a mom like she has, she will need a friend.
You're handling it all well... Keep leaning on others for your support.
:)
Ack. Why do women do that to their children? How horrible. My BIL has an adult daughter from his first marriage. The woman left when she was pregnant, telling him it wasn't his child. He SHOULD HAVE insisted on a paternity test, but he didn't. Shoulda/coulda/woulda doesn't help anyway at this point. She found his younger children (my sister's 3 kids w/ him) on facebook, knowing approximately where to look, she was able to find them, and she contacted them, "not knowing how" to contact him. This was about 4 years ago. The girl has caused nothing but problems since. He's paid for her to come out to visit a number of times (she's in the southwest, he's in the midwest). She is spoiled rotten, her mother has said horrible things about him over the years, things that, having known him for 25 plus years, we KNOW aren't true, simply because we've had the chance to get to REALLY know him. She looks for issues within the family (my sister has 2 from her own first marriage, as well as the 3 with him), and she's dug right in there when she sees issues, and she aggravates them.
She won't talk to him about any of these "issues". She just keeps stirring the pot where the other kids are involved. I suspect it's because of jealousy, but she needs to grow the hell up.
Awww how sad though,
I hope he gets to see her soon!
He should let her know why he has not been around/in touch :)
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Sometimes it is just impossible to try to figure out what makes people do the things they do. I do agree that it is heartless. I hope the situation improves for both of them - Dad and Daughter.
Not even close, haha. He was married young. 1st wife was young. They had 2 kids. She left him, many times because she like to party, he refused. He had the children for many years on his own, she took them later on. Before we got together and in between came the girlfriend and the daughter he has never seen. He never would have left his kids. His faults? Many just like all of us.
Quoting Not_A_Native:
So, the husbands ex wife and kids - those kids are her siblings? I could kinda see it. This was totally on him. He could have done lots of things - moved after her, tried later, moved later, and chose not to. He did choose, apparently, to marry again, have more kids, then get divorced, and leave them. Yep - totally on him.
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11:38 pm
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on Feb. 16, 2012 at 9:00 AM