She's being so awful, I don't want to admit she's mine! **update for clarity**
My daughter, 19, has been dating/living with her guy for almost 2 years now, he moved in with her when she moved out of our house. They were going to get married, etc, so he joined the Navy so that he could get training and provide for her. While he was gone to basic training, she started "having feelings" for his best friend. So, she flew to Chicago for the BF's graduation and (I thought), dumped him in the airport as she left. Turned out, she was just leading him on with the hope of getting back together. The whole time he was gone, he was having his pay deposited in her bank account, and she was spending it running around with his 'best friend'. Today, he called a friend (who calls me mom too), to tell her he's broke because DD spent his whole paycheck and basically told him to kiss off. He had changed banks, but it takes time for DFAS to update the records.
Her dad and I are both incredibly disappointed in her, and don't know what to do! Right now, neither of us even wants to talk to her!
Just wanted to vent.
***UPDATE***
First, ladies, THANK YOU for the support. I feared, because of what I have seen on here in the past that this would turn into a "bash the OP for being a horrible mom" thing. It hasn't. So, thank you for all the support! It means a lot to me.
Second. Those of you who have said "I know she's your daughter, but......." TRUST ME, I have said the same thing myself. She IS being a horrible little bitch about this and I hate that. This is NOT the first stunt she has pulled, just the worst so far. That I know of.
Her father and grandfather, as well as two uncles, aunt, and many cousins and great uncles/aunts are or were service members. She was raised to respect their sacrifices to our country. She saw me remain faithful to her daddy while he was away for a year with the Army. Our family honors and respects EVERY branch of service (with the expected good natured ribbing to different branches!), so to US, that makes this 100x worse. Had he "just" gone to civilian school somewhere, yes, it would have been awful, but not AS awful, I think.
So far as I can determine, there is pretty much nothing he can LEGALLY do. I am going to look into that for him next week. We don't have the $ to just give him, but we sure would if we did. Fortunately, the friend he called owed him money AND had it, was just waiting to hear what he wanted her to do with it, because she was NOT going to put it into DD's account with him.
Someone mentioned her moving in with him when she was 17. NO. She moved out of my house two weeks after she turned 18. The only reason she waited that long was the apartment wasn't ready yet. She had paid her deposit, bought her furniture, etc long before. With her own money. She has only ASKED for $$ once, and that was for an "extra" she wanted to do, and I didn't have it for her then. I GAVE her, without her asking, the $$ while she was in Chicago, because she had told me she was short on $.
I know shes probably going to ask us to add BF#2 to our phone plan, and we have already decided NO. We may even cut her off of ours too. IDK yet. Don't want to make that decision while I am still so angry at her.
As if all this wasn't awful enough, BF#1's parents gave her his car. Yup. GAVE it to her. They paid for it, so it was really theirs, but he made payments on it for a year and chose it and drove it. Since he was leaving, they made the choice to give it to her. Paid all the sales taxes and transfer fees, etc too. I asked if she was going to give it back, and she said Nope, it's my car. Now, I know she doesn't have to, it's legally hers, blah blah blah blah. I say she should give it back. They gave it to her under the impression that they were giving it to their future daughter in law. These are nice people, I spent a weekend at their place, had them here for Thanksgiving, etc. I hate that she's done this WHOLE family wrong.
Sorry this is so long, and THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all the understanding posts, and support. It really has helped me not feel so lost in all this. I am still heartsick over it, and I KNOW I can't DO anything, really, but I still have feelings about it!!!
i am sorry. I know what it is like to be disappointed in their decisions. For me it helps to look at it different and try to take away some of the frustration. I have had friends who lost their children- be it suicide or in accidents. I always remind myself that it could be so much worse. I know if they had the chance to live through my worst day with their kids, they would do it with a different attitude and appreciation no matter what was going on. If it were me, I woudl make my daughter pay back alot of the money that she spent given the circumstances. I would not pay anything for her or help her until she started making things right. "Just keep breathing" I don't know why but when I tell myself that, it helps me .. :-) Big hug.
So sorry your daughter has disappointed you. We do our best at raising them and trying to teach them to do the right thing. Sometimes they let us down. Don't blame yourself.
What is there to do? She's an adult and is responcible for the consequences of her actions. Karma is a Bitch and she'll find out the hard way, because since boyfriend number one is in the Military he has access to legal help which can at least get back half of what she spent on boyfriend number two...either that or she could find herself in jail.
I'm sorry. It's harder to be the parent of an adult sometimes than smaller kids. lol Hopefully she will wake up and do what's right about the money. In the meantime....vent away to us anytime you need to.
first of all i'd like to say im sorry you're sad...i may be wrong but i dont believe that she could be sent to jail because the money was deposited in her account (if i read correctly) either way its horrible what she did...
hopefully she will find herself because there seems to be some confusion in her head about making sound and healthy decisions...as she matures she will understand that you can't go through life doing mean and hurtful things to other people...
maybe she can and will apologize to the boyfriend (#1) and repay him his money
then break off the relationship with the other boy...
and most importantely find herself... in the meantime mom you hang in there
I'm sorry you're disappointed. Yes our adult children disappoint us sometimes. Mine did too. But as adults they have to make their mistakes and live with the consequences. Whatever they may be. I do know how you feel. ((hugs))
Quoting shadenn766:first of all i'd like to say im sorry you're sad...i may be wrong but i dont believe that she could be sent to jail because the money was deposited in her account (if i read correctly) either way its horrible what she did...
hopefully she will find herself because there seems to be some confusion in her head about making sound and healthy decisions...as she matures she will understand that you can't go through life doing mean and hurtful things to other people...
maybe she can and will apologize to the boyfriend (#1) and repay him his money
then break off the relationship with the other boy...
and most importantely find herself... in the meantime mom you hang in there
yes she can because it was his money, not her's. He deposited it into her account under a verbal contract that it would be spent on the two of them, not her and his best friend. She broke the contract, that is called Fraud. She defrauded him out of his pay and when I was growing up fraud was against the law. And if it was direct deposited from the Military she defrauded the Government. That could be interesting.
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11:38 pm
just because I'm curious......
- gingersnot
on Feb. 16, 2012 at 6:21 PM