First a little background info - my youngest son, 19, just started military service, actually, his basic training starts today! He's been in Fort Sill since Feb 28 waiting for his class to start.
He called me last night and was telling me about his life insurance policy. He told me that right now I'm the beneficiary and as soon as he marries his girlfriend she's going to be 50% and I'm going to be 50%. I asked him when he planned on marrying her and he said within the year! I'm thinking he's wanting to do it because he's homesick and misses her very much. I told him that he should worry about getting settled into the military lifestyle before rushing into something like getting married. My husband, who is a veteran, told me to tell him that he can't afford to be married to someone, as he just started military service, and that I should write him a letter explaining it.
I totally understand about being homesick, but want him to worry about himself for a little while. Am I off base? Thanks for reading!
Well, I know how you feel but if I were you I wouldn't say much of anything about it unless he asked me what I thought. It's hard once our kids are grown because then we end up with a different kind of relationship and it's not always an easy transition. If he asks you your opinion then I would give it but unless he did I would say nothing. Just my opinion but sometimes they want to do things even more if they know we don't want them too! LOL And....he's technically grown now so he will end up doing what he wants to anyway.
I wouldn't say anything unless he asks. He's an adult and can make his own decision and if you say anything before hand and he doesn't like what you say may push him further into the decision to marry her. And if Dad has something to say, HE should write the letter not you.
Maryann
I was a military wife and mother. The reason he may be thinking about life insurance is because he may have heard about a deployment and he wants to take care of those he loves before he goes. Military life is never easy and even less so now. A young man who is willing to gives his life for his country deserves a lot of respect. I am sure he has thought this over very carefully. Although you may not like it, maybe you should let him do as he wishes for now.
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I do agree with the others,
Wait a bit & try not to say anything for now ;)
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Thank you all so much for your thoughts! I guess I'm going to go with the majority and not say anything unless asked, which is REALLY hard for me! Hopefully he'll see things my way on his own, and, if not, he is "grown up" and the decision is ultimately his, whether I like it or not, or think that it is or isn't the smart thing to do. It was so much easier when they had no choice but to listen to me.
I understand, as moms we want our kids/adults to be focused, settled and then married. It doesn't always work that way.
I think, having been a YOUNG age 16, military wife, that he should wait until he is settled and they get reacquainted. I can tell you that time in basic and AIT will change him. She may marry him now and regret it in six months because he is different. I would encourage him to wait. However, it is his choice, if his mind is made up, just pray for the best. Love and support him.
It is not easy to not give unasked for advice, especially when you know what is right or best. But I have to agree that the best case scenario here is to sit back and wait for him to ask for it. Also, not so easy. If he is like my son was, he will do a lot of changing in the next few months and may come to the sensible decision on his own. And she too may have second thoughts. Much luck.
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- Princesshera1
on Mar. 8, 2012 at 6:38 AM