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Hello I am new here and need friends and advice

Posted by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 6:36 PM
  • 34 Replies

I am 46 yr old mother to three grown children. My oldest lives in Conn. and is very sucessful. She wants nothing to do with me  for I wouldnt go to the law with her over my son in law hitting her car.But I was scared for he is a drug addict and my youngest daughter and grandson lives with him,and I lived in his front yard so thats how I lost Amanda.Now we come tothe hard part I lost Melissa my youngest over her first being jealous of the time I spent with my emergency foster care baby,then she lied on my son saying he cut her above her eye causing me trouble with social services,then she lied to the police saying my husband now molested her,let me state notears,no being upset just looked them  in the eyes and said he molested her. They didnt believe her nor did social services they said she was jealous and disturbed. So I forgave all of this and she then go so she would come sit on my husbands lap and hug him and kiss him,for 4 yrs then 4 months ago she  braught it up again and caused her  husband to come and throw us out and swing a large 4 x4 at us and strike my trailor and spit in my husbands face ..then stopped me from seeing my grandson. Then my son got involved with a girl who slept around on him,subjected him to aids and admittted she molested her brother. So I asked my daughter why is she better than me to see my grandson.Needless to say all three kids have said I am dead in there eyes and that I am never allowed to talk to them or see my grandson. I am very ill loosing my eye sight on 15 kinds of medicine to stay alive. I took beatings from the kids daddy and begged for food and christmas for my children. I done all I could for them. Baught and gave cars to the two youngest which they sent to the crasher,gave the youngest daughter over $800. worth of furniture . And I am a no good mom. So wher do I go from here? I sit and cry and wish I was dead for I never thaught my children wuld hurt me so. Please someone help me to understand this.

by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 6:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jabs54
by Jeanine on Apr. 13, 2012 at 7:26 PM
1 mom liked this

   Wow momma, I'm sorry.  Your life sounds like a soap opera :(   I don't have any advice but I'm here to listen.

   (((hugs)))

Tammi4
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm so sorry for what you've been going through. :(
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CoeyG
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:28 PM
2 moms liked this

First of all if I woul have stood up with my daughter against the guy, he broke the law by hitting the car.  What if it was your daughter he hit?  I don't understand why you would be living on his property anyway.  It isn't your children's fault that you allowed their father to beat you.  You should have called the police and pressed charges against him.  You obviously spoiled your children I guess thinking they would love and respect you if you did...obviously you were wrong.   They are adults now and have the right to live their own lives.  In the end, spoiled children rarely love and respedt the parent who spoiled them. 

unwantedmom65
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:45 PM

I did leave when the father took my son and said he was going to kill him. When he got back I grabbed my son and left.Let me ask have you ever had three children,two with serious health conditions and had a husband who kept you away from the public and beat you and put a shot gun in places where guns were never meant to be. I did have him arrested after I got away and the cops were so scared of him,they would act like they couldnt catch him. So dont speak down of me. I done what I had to survive. If you have never been beaten or had children who were ill and no place to go then you cant put me down. I called the agency in my area and asked for help they said sorry they had no shelter available. I had no job ,no money...so lets hear your perfect ideas. No I didnt spoil my kids when they were young sometimes we were lucky to have food for dinner. We sometimes got toys for Christmas and others didnt. But when I had a car that I couldnt take with me when I became homeless I gave to my youngest daughter. Then I saved my unemployment and baught me a camper to get out of the car that we kept. So my son was suffering with cancer and needed a car to get to the dr so I took my money that we had left and baught him a car. Then we got on our feet and we had a place to park my camper until the old lady who we were renting from died and we had no place which would take a 20 yr old camper so we had to ask my son in law if we could put it there. I do feel bad about not going to the police with my daughter but was a scratch on a bumper worth my youngest daughter getting beat and grandson being put in danger. I think you must live in Heaven for in the real world money talks and my son in laws money talks to the cops so he gets away with alot.  I do appreciate your thaughts. But alot of us women live in alot of  bad situations and suffer and we do all we can for our children for we love them. We are unselfish just like God wasnt selfish with us.He gave his only son.

Canoechee70
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:58 PM
Ive been thru a lot of the same stuff and I feel your pain :( we do the best we can. Huggggs
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CoeyG
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 9:00 PM


Quoting unwantedmom65:

I did leave when the father took my son and said he was going to kill him. When he got back I grabbed my son and left.Let me ask have you ever had three children,two with serious health conditions and had a husband who kept you away from the public and beat you and put a shot gun in places where guns were never meant to be. I did have him arrested after I got away and the cops were so scared of him,they would act like they couldnt catch him. So dont speak down of me. I done what I had to survive. If you have never been beaten or had children who were ill and no place to go then you cant put me down. I called the agency in my area and asked for help they said sorry they had no shelter available. I had no job ,no money...so lets hear your perfect ideas. No I didnt spoil my kids when they were young sometimes we were lucky to have food for dinner. We sometimes got toys for Christmas and others didnt. But when I had a car that I couldnt take with me when I became homeless I gave to my youngest daughter. Then I saved my unemployment and baught me a camper to get out of the car that we kept. So my son was suffering with cancer and needed a car to get to the dr so I took my money that we had left and baught him a car. Then we got on our feet and we had a place to park my camper until the old lady who we were renting from died and we had no place which would take a 20 yr old camper so we had to ask my son in law if we could put it there. I do feel bad about not going to the police with my daughter but was a scratch on a bumper worth my youngest daughter getting beat and grandson being put in danger. I think you must live in Heaven for in the real world money talks and my son in laws money talks to the cops so he gets away with alot.  I do appreciate your thaughts. But alot of us women live in alot of  bad situations and suffer and we do all we can for our children for we love them. We are unselfish just like God wasnt selfish with us.He gave his only son.

I have only one child and thankfully her father didn't beat on me.  however when I was in my early 20s I was involved in an abusive relationship that caused me to have to choose a late term abortion when I was pregnant because of the beatings I had endured as well as being tossed down a flight of stairs.  There are ways to get out and get away and excuses don't work on me.  I've been there and done that when I finally got my things and got out of there after I got out of hospital I had a shot gun pointed at my back and he was a dead shot.  I kept walking and I never looked back I figured if he was going to kill me he was going to kill me period.  If your kids were sick you could have gotten them medical attention...there is Medicaid and state insurance agencies.  Of  course you spoiled your children, you even said that you bought/gave them cars...So which is it...did you buy them cars or did you not spoil them?  You didn't say they bought them for themselves.   

my4kidsrock2
by Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 9:57 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry, but I think somebody (Coey) needs a happy pill or something. How can you say that you endured beating so bad that you had to choose a late term abortion and kill your own child but you still think your a better mother than someone you've never met?

unwanted-I'm sorry for what you are going through and I wish I knew what to say, but just continue to let your children know that you will be there for them no matter what and hopefully they will come around eventually. Good luck

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting unwantedmom65:

I did leave when the father took my son and said he was going to kill him. When he got back I grabbed my son and left.Let me ask have you ever had three children,two with serious health conditions and had a husband who kept you away from the public and beat you and put a shot gun in places where guns were never meant to be. I did have him arrested after I got away and the cops were so scared of him,they would act like they couldnt catch him. So dont speak down of me. I done what I had to survive. If you have never been beaten or had children who were ill and no place to go then you cant put me down. I called the agency in my area and asked for help they said sorry they had no shelter available. I had no job ,no money...so lets hear your perfect ideas. No I didnt spoil my kids when they were young sometimes we were lucky to have food for dinner. We sometimes got toys for Christmas and others didnt. But when I had a car that I couldnt take with me when I became homeless I gave to my youngest daughter. Then I saved my unemployment and baught me a camper to get out of the car that we kept. So my son was suffering with cancer and needed a car to get to the dr so I took my money that we had left and baught him a car. Then we got on our feet and we had a place to park my camper until the old lady who we were renting from died and we had no place which would take a 20 yr old camper so we had to ask my son in law if we could put it there. I do feel bad about not going to the police with my daughter but was a scratch on a bumper worth my youngest daughter getting beat and grandson being put in danger. I think you must live in Heaven for in the real world money talks and my son in laws money talks to the cops so he gets away with alot.  I do appreciate your thaughts. But alot of us women live in alot of  bad situations and suffer and we do all we can for our children for we love them. We are unselfish just like God wasnt selfish with us.He gave his only son.

I have only one child and thankfully her father didn't beat on me.  however when I was in my early 20s I was involved in an abusive relationship that caused me to have to choose a late term abortion when I was pregnant because of the beatings I had endured as well as being tossed down a flight of stairs.  There are ways to get out and get away and excuses don't work on me.  I've been there and done that when I finally got my things and got out of there after I got out of hospital I had a shot gun pointed at my back and he was a dead shot.  I kept walking and I never looked back I figured if he was going to kill me he was going to kill me period.  If your kids were sick you could have gotten them medical attention...there is Medicaid and state insurance agencies.  Of  course you spoiled your children, you even said that you bought/gave them cars...So which is it...did you buy them cars or did you not spoil them?  You didn't say they bought them for themselves.   


CoeyG
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 10:20 PM


Quoting my4kidsrock2:

I'm sorry, but I think somebody (Coey) needs a happy pill or something. How can you say that you endured beating so bad that you had to choose a late term abortion and kill your own child but you still think your a better mother than someone you've never met?

unwanted-I'm sorry for what you are going through and I wish I knew what to say, but just continue to let your children know that you will be there for them no matter what and hopefully they will come around eventually. Good luck

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting unwantedmom65:

I did leave when the father took my son and said he was going to kill him. When he got back I grabbed my son and left.Let me ask have you ever had three children,two with serious health conditions and had a husband who kept you away from the public and beat you and put a shot gun in places where guns were never meant to be. I did have him arrested after I got away and the cops were so scared of him,they would act like they couldnt catch him. So dont speak down of me. I done what I had to survive. If you have never been beaten or had children who were ill and no place to go then you cant put me down. I called the agency in my area and asked for help they said sorry they had no shelter available. I had no job ,no money...so lets hear your perfect ideas. No I didnt spoil my kids when they were young sometimes we were lucky to have food for dinner. We sometimes got toys for Christmas and others didnt. But when I had a car that I couldnt take with me when I became homeless I gave to my youngest daughter. Then I saved my unemployment and baught me a camper to get out of the car that we kept. So my son was suffering with cancer and needed a car to get to the dr so I took my money that we had left and baught him a car. Then we got on our feet and we had a place to park my camper until the old lady who we were renting from died and we had no place which would take a 20 yr old camper so we had to ask my son in law if we could put it there. I do feel bad about not going to the police with my daughter but was a scratch on a bumper worth my youngest daughter getting beat and grandson being put in danger. I think you must live in Heaven for in the real world money talks and my son in laws money talks to the cops so he gets away with alot.  I do appreciate your thaughts. But alot of us women live in alot of  bad situations and suffer and we do all we can for our children for we love them. We are unselfish just like God wasnt selfish with us.He gave his only son.

I have only one child and thankfully her father didn't beat on me.  however when I was in my early 20s I was involved in an abusive relationship that caused me to have to choose a late term abortion when I was pregnant because of the beatings I had endured as well as being tossed down a flight of stairs.  There are ways to get out and get away and excuses don't work on me.  I've been there and done that when I finally got my things and got out of there after I got out of hospital I had a shot gun pointed at my back and he was a dead shot.  I kept walking and I never looked back I figured if he was going to kill me he was going to kill me period.  If your kids were sick you could have gotten them medical attention...there is Medicaid and state insurance agencies.  Of  course you spoiled your children, you even said that you bought/gave them cars...So which is it...did you buy them cars or did you not spoil them?  You didn't say they bought them for themselves.   


Where did I say that I thought I was a better mohter?  I said she had spoiled her children by giving them things...as far as "killing" my child that child was already dead.  The right side of his skull was bashed in, he wouldn't have survived had he actually lived to term anyway.  They didn't have the advices in medicine back in the 70s that they do nowadays.  And you can call it whatever you want to call it, had I not done it I wouldn't have lived to go on to have my daughter Shannon, I know this because years later I found out that he had gotten married and had three kids...and one night he beat his wife to death in froth of those three kids...He's in prison now.  But again, I never said I was a better mother.  If you think I did I challenge you to show me exactly where I say I am a better mother...

my4kidsrock2
by Member on Apr. 13, 2012 at 10:26 PM
2 moms liked this

You may have never actually said that you were a better mother, but you certainly implied it. You have a very negative and judgmental attitude and it's not helpful at all. Her post specifically said she needed friends and advice, not judgment and mean words. If you don't have anything nice to say maybe you shouldn't say anything.

Hopefully some day when you need friends and advice you will actually get just that, and not the kind of treatment that you seem to enjoy dishing out to others.

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting my4kidsrock2:

I'm sorry, but I think somebody (Coey) needs a happy pill or something. How can you say that you endured beating so bad that you had to choose a late term abortion and kill your own child but you still think your a better mother than someone you've never met?

unwanted-I'm sorry for what you are going through and I wish I knew what to say, but just continue to let your children know that you will be there for them no matter what and hopefully they will come around eventually. Good luck

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting unwantedmom65:

I did leave when the father took my son and said he was going to kill him. When he got back I grabbed my son and left.Let me ask have you ever had three children,two with serious health conditions and had a husband who kept you away from the public and beat you and put a shot gun in places where guns were never meant to be. I did have him arrested after I got away and the cops were so scared of him,they would act like they couldnt catch him. So dont speak down of me. I done what I had to survive. If you have never been beaten or had children who were ill and no place to go then you cant put me down. I called the agency in my area and asked for help they said sorry they had no shelter available. I had no job ,no money...so lets hear your perfect ideas. No I didnt spoil my kids when they were young sometimes we were lucky to have food for dinner. We sometimes got toys for Christmas and others didnt. But when I had a car that I couldnt take with me when I became homeless I gave to my youngest daughter. Then I saved my unemployment and baught me a camper to get out of the car that we kept. So my son was suffering with cancer and needed a car to get to the dr so I took my money that we had left and baught him a car. Then we got on our feet and we had a place to park my camper until the old lady who we were renting from died and we had no place which would take a 20 yr old camper so we had to ask my son in law if we could put it there. I do feel bad about not going to the police with my daughter but was a scratch on a bumper worth my youngest daughter getting beat and grandson being put in danger. I think you must live in Heaven for in the real world money talks and my son in laws money talks to the cops so he gets away with alot.  I do appreciate your thaughts. But alot of us women live in alot of  bad situations and suffer and we do all we can for our children for we love them. We are unselfish just like God wasnt selfish with us.He gave his only son.

I have only one child and thankfully her father didn't beat on me.  however when I was in my early 20s I was involved in an abusive relationship that caused me to have to choose a late term abortion when I was pregnant because of the beatings I had endured as well as being tossed down a flight of stairs.  There are ways to get out and get away and excuses don't work on me.  I've been there and done that when I finally got my things and got out of there after I got out of hospital I had a shot gun pointed at my back and he was a dead shot.  I kept walking and I never looked back I figured if he was going to kill me he was going to kill me period.  If your kids were sick you could have gotten them medical attention...there is Medicaid and state insurance agencies.  Of  course you spoiled your children, you even said that you bought/gave them cars...So which is it...did you buy them cars or did you not spoil them?  You didn't say they bought them for themselves.   


Where did I say that I thought I was a better mohter?  I said she had spoiled her children by giving them things...as far as "killing" my child that child was already dead.  The right side of his skull was bashed in, he wouldn't have survived had he actually lived to term anyway.  They didn't have the advices in medicine back in the 70s that they do nowadays.  And you can call it whatever you want to call it, had I not done it I wouldn't have lived to go on to have my daughter Shannon, I know this because years later I found out that he had gotten married and had three kids...and one night he beat his wife to death in froth of those three kids...He's in prison now.  But again, I never said I was a better mother.  If you think I did I challenge you to show me exactly where I say I am a better mother...


Derari
by on Apr. 13, 2012 at 10:28 PM
Quoting CoeyG:



You sound miserable Coey after all you suffered life should have taught you to have compassion for others.

Unwanted - may God be there to pull you out of this place you are in. You are not at fault, your children should be there for their mother as you were for them. I know children grow up and lead their own lives, but how shameful for them to forget their mother who did whatever she could for them. I don't have sympathy for people like that.
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