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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Advice when you're not crazy about the son's girlfriend.

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  So my only child finally started dating in his senior year of high school and unfortunately I am not that fond of the girl he chose to date. She is phony when she talks to us and I have a feeling that he was tricked into dating her in the first place. (all of the sudden after a party they were both at, he started dating her.)They have know each other through school for years and I know she has been chasing him hoping that he would date her even though she kept saying she just wanted to be friends. This was confirmed to me by one of her teachers! Anyway I did not mind him being friends with her but I was really hoping that he wouldn't start dating before college because I want him to be free and clear to date in college and not feel guilty that there is this girl at home. That being said, people always tell me not to tell your children that you don't like the person they are dating because it will make them want to date them even more. So what are you supposed to do?

 

by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 6:19 PM
Replies (11-20):
CoeyG
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:14 PM

While I agree it is okay to let your son know that you don't like the girl...it is still his choice as to whom to date.  Dating doesn't equal marriage and considering the type of girl you say she is...she is going to get tired of him soon...just like guys who are the same as she, after awhile she will get bored with him, the "hunt" is always more exciting than the actual conquest.  

Canoechee70
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:37 PM
1 mom liked this
I have four grown boys and my advice is to smile,be polite to her, ask your your sin how she is doing and stay out of it as long as they both are following the rules/boundaries you have set for dating. Give your opinion only when he asks for it..
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Canoechee70
by on Apr. 15, 2012 at 10:38 PM
I meant son not sin...lol
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hugss
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by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 12:02 AM

Let's hope when he goes to college he meets other girls,
Will he be going far from home?
Give him time & maybe he will see she is not a real person so to speak .
Good luck & keep us posted :)

Ferne
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 12:05 AM

I'v had that problem before.  When my son asked me what I thought of her, I was honest and told him that I didnt really care for her much but whats important is how he felt about her.  When she came around, I was always friendly and polite.   My advice would be not to volunteer anything negative but give an honest opinion if asked. Meanwhile be friendly whenever she comes around, there is a good chance this is just a temporary situation.

krunchykorn
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 6:14 AM

stay out of it IMO everyone thought the same of me and my SO..

homeskoolmama
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 9:10 AM

gf's come and go. Pray it is not serious, that she does not get pregnant and keep negative things to yourself. I have been through this, believe me. Keep the negative to yourself. Don't be phony, but be mature enough to be nice to her.

jonnlilithsmom
by on Apr. 16, 2012 at 10:26 AM

when I met my son's girlfriend (now his fiancee) I didn't like her at all... 

I thought she was weak, and fragile, and dishonest... I thought she was going to "pull my son down"...

I never said a word to him... I just kept my mouth shut.

they've been together almost 5 years now, and she's fantastic for him!!

she's smart, and sweet, and supportive, and she loves him to distraction... as he loves her...

my first impression was WAY OFF, and I'm glad I didn't interfere...

maybe you are too

USBrit
by Member on Apr. 16, 2012 at 10:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Let me just say, not only does it make them want to "date" I would say defend the girl they are dating that much more, but if they one day married....you will not see your son much. I would say NOTHING and be praying as hard as you can that God would intervene and bring someone into his life that is more of what you would like for your son. At this age, they don't see that you are trying to give them wisdom, they think that you are still chaining them to childhood.

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Apr. 16, 2012 at 1:11 PM

Quite often saying you don't like or don't approve of their choice is the glue that keeps him tied to her.  Since she is the first girl he has dated, she probably won't be the last.  College will give him the opportunity to meet and date many girls, so I would relax and not say anything negative. 

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