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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

My youngest came home sporting a new tatoo.  Its definitely not a stone him in the streets issue, but... as I told him, you spent 60.00 on that tatoo and you haven't paid me the money you owe me yet, which is 150.00 and he doesn't get paid for another 3 weeks  and only works part time.  His Dad and I had told him he could have one when he was a self sufficient adult, if he wanted.  Well, the kid still lives at home, has not paid rent, insurance, or for cell phone.  Not self sufficient.  This kid is always pushing the limits.  Guess this is a rant.

by on Apr. 22, 2012 at 9:07 AM
Replies (21-30):
dnhines2002
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 3:05 AM
True, it's time for him to go because we are trying to help and teach him but he's hell bent on being stupid so he has to learn the hard way now.

Quoting CoeyG:


shooting photo

dnhines2002
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 3:09 AM
True, it's time for him to go because we are trying to help and teach him but he's hell bent on being stupid so he has to learn the hard way now. And to top things off he's in school full time also and is willing to leave here and he has a full time job here but when he gets there he doesn't even have a job lined up. It's just a sad case for him


Quoting CoeyG:


shooting photo

Gypsykatzen
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 9:06 AM

I would have been upset with him.  However, he did use money he earned and did not spend it on drugs or booze.  We would have had a conversation about priorities though!

CoeyG
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:47 PM


Quoting Gypsykatzen:

I would have been upset with him.  However, he did use money he earned and did not spend it on drugs or booze.  We would have had a conversation about priorities though!

He also has financial obligations.  He needs to man up and be responsible.  

momma-t42
by Gold Member on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:35 AM
I agree with everything until the end.

YOU as a parent determine how big or little those steps are.
I had a client tell me the other day (as I was sharing about my first grand baby about to be born), "kids these days".... I about unloaded on him ..
It's NOT "kids these days", it's parents!!
Parents are hurting their kids when they treat their young adult children as they are some sort of fragile flower.
My daughter was sneaky about getting a tattoo and I kicked her out. She didn't owe me money, but I didn't trust her because she lied when she got it. Three rules in my home, pay your agreed upon bills, no drugs or drinking, and honesty IS a must as trust the most valuable commodity.

I have lots of grace, but I would be doing any of my kids OR this society Any good if I just stroked their ego and HOPED my kid figures it out.
I'm the parent, it's up to me to teach them. Btw, she has since gotten married and were very close. She respects me AND authority in general.
If your kid owes you money, and you just " rant " about it, you're not helping him one bit. You have an influence you can make that may one day help him be a good provider for his future family.
Choice is yours and we all have to face these similar choices with our kids.


Quoting LLICE:

Start by taking the cell phone as collateral until he repays the $150.00. Loan him nothing & start charging rent. If he doesn't pay he's out. He won't find as cushy a set-up elsewhere & even if he leaves he'll be back & a little more willing to behave responsibly. Make it absolutely clear that if another tattoo shows up before he's straightened out finances you will change the locks & put his belongings at the curb.



Been there, done that. Just remember, at this stage they take baby steps toward improvement.
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by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:16 AM

Aww sorry to hear this :(

mama5k
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:12 AM

Me five, too!!


Gypsykatzen
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 11:12 AM

I do not disagree with that. What I am saying is that one should be glad that it was a tattoo and not drugs or booze. With a bit of "re-directing" and emphasizing what his priorities should be and that what he did disappointed you might just do the trick to get him on track or "man-up".  I have found that if you address the action and not attack the person you usually get better results. IMO 

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting Gypsykatzen:

I would have been upset with him.  However, he did use money he earned and did not spend it on drugs or booze.  We would have had a conversation about priorities though!

He also has financial obligations.  He needs to man up and be responsible.  


caro100
by Carol on Apr. 26, 2012 at 2:50 PM

I do, do that.  Truthfully, I'm probably going to have to have him move out eventually, but I'm giving him till he gets in military or turns 21 and in the mean time keep slogging away at getting him to grow up.  Had the conversation with him the other day of he's a man, after he explained to me he's just a kid and my expectations are too high.  That was after he got his tatoo. I said if he was a kid he couldn't have got the tatoo with out permission.   And so it goes.  He's got a little ADD/ Aspergers going on so I cut him a little slack (not much).

Quoting rosebud727:


Quoting caro100:


Quoting rosebud727:

Have him work off some of that rent money while your waiting. I'm sure there are things that need to be done around there, and don't back down.

That's already part of him living at home.  You don't think 150.00, really gets all his expenses?  

I have no idea what your expenses or arrangement is.  However since he didn't pay you I'm sure you have some big item that needs to be done in addition to whatever he's doing now. I'm sure it's aggravating, sorry for your frustration.


CoeyG
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 2:54 PM


Quoting Gypsykatzen:

I do not disagree with that. What I am saying is that one should be glad that it was a tattoo and not drugs or booze. With a bit of "re-directing" and emphasizing what his priorities should be and that what he did disappointed you might just do the trick to get him on track or "man-up".  I have found that if you address the action and not attack the person you usually get better results. IMO 

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting Gypsykatzen:

I would have been upset with him.  However, he did use money he earned and did not spend it on drugs or booze.  We would have had a conversation about priorities though!

He also has financial obligations.  He needs to man up and be responsible.  


It doesn't matter what it was, he still had a financial obligation that needed to be taken care of before the ink.  It's called being a responsible adult.

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