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Dont know what to do about DD *** Edit***EDIT again 4/24***

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You ladies might remember that earlier this year my DD and our GS moved back home. Things are not going well at all. The same attitude that contributed to her break up with her SO has continued here. I could go into a laundry list of things she is and isnt doing but it basically reduces down to she is disrepectful of us and our house, isnt paying the agreed upon rent and we are the ones caring for our GS.  Her idea of feeding him breakfast, lunch or dinner is throwing a handful of fruit loops onto his high chair tray and leaving the room. She puts him to bed at night and promptly goes out. We wind up having to call her when he wakes up at night. He should be being switched from formula to milk but when we tried to wean him he had explosive diareah and we think its a lactose intolerance. That was last month and she has not met with the pediatrician or set up an appointment because she is too busy, and it doesnt phase her at all.

The scariest part of all of this is her new bff is a woman who has had her kids removed by cps for neglect and abuse not once but twice and is currently going to court to find out if they are going to be permanantly removed (they are already in foster care). This woman is the only one she will listen to, since dd thinks we are idiots and just want to control her.

Quite frankly, if it was only DD she would have been gone the first month she was home, but our GS changes things. and I know if we kick them out she will move in with the abusive woman, she has already talked about it. If that happens then we WILL call cps on our own daughter. I am considering talking to a lawyer and asking about guardianship for GS. I just really dont know what to do at this point...I am thinking about having my dd take a drug test, I am almost hoping she is using because then there is a reason why she is acting like she is and I know how to handle a drug problem. Its much easier to blame drugs than to think dd really is so selfcentered and lazy that she wont step up to be a good mother. BTW the father is not interested in custody and doesnt even take him on the weekends like he is supposed to, he'd rather go out drinking with his friends.

I whole heartedly believe in the tough love approach but I wont do it at the expense of my GS that is why I am considering guardianship, and having that as part of the consequenses of her actions.

btw..she does have a job and works 30hrs a week yet she is always broke to the point we are having to buy basis things for our GS

*** EDIT ***

We are having a meeting with GS's father today, without DD. I will let you know what all happens.

***EDIT 4/24***

Ok, had a talk with gs's father and he will sign over guardianship to us so we can atleast get gs any medical treatment he would need and if dd decides to move out with gs, he intends to seek custody but we would still be primary care givers and he would pay us the child support he is currently paying her (which she is spending for god knows what now).

Had a talk with dd last night and it went as expected, she argued and refuse to acknowledge that there is any problem with her behavior or her treatment of gs. Anyway I went to bed not very hopeful of any change but this morning she actually tried to do better and interact with her son. So while I refuse to get all excited over good behavior for a couple hours, it shows she atleast heard what we had to say and that means that there is a glimmer of hope that a seed may have been planted.

by on Apr. 22, 2012 at 1:32 PM
Replies (31-40):
Esmrlda
by Esme on Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:42 PM
Yes let us know how it goes. Good luck
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
pegleg63
by on Apr. 23, 2012 at 11:52 PM

I'm a grandparent too, one bio grandchild, one more bio granchild on the way. My daughter and her hubby are great parents. I have three step kids, two of them have three kids each. They are not the greatest parents. I agree you should try for guardianship. My bio grandson had the bad diapers too after changing from formula to regular milk. My daugher now give him lactose free milk, and he is fine on that. She buys the Great Value brand of that from Walmart, so you don't have to buy the priciest lactose free milk.  Grandson does fine on that milk, other dairy products do not affect him in a bad way, only milk.

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by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 12:17 AM

Let us know what's happening next :)

mariC67
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 12:53 PM

BUMP!

EireLass
by Gold Member on Apr. 24, 2012 at 12:55 PM

Sounds like you're making headway anyway!

nana9106
by Darlene on Apr. 24, 2012 at 1:08 PM

 Maybe...Hopefully, your talk was wakeup call for her. And at least you have the support of the dad

jabs54
by Jeanine on Apr. 24, 2012 at 2:34 PM

 It sounds like she knows you are serious about taking her son.  Hopefully she will continue to improve.

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Apr. 24, 2012 at 3:07 PM

I hope things continue to improve.

KittyGram
by Becky on Apr. 24, 2012 at 3:14 PM

I hope things go as you hope, that your daughter really does take on her responsibility as she should.  I have to tell you, though, that there was a time that I had to kick my daughter out, with my then-15 month old granddaughter.  It was the one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and after the second one was born, I ended up being foster mom from the time baby was 3 months old, till she was pretty close to 3 years old, but still, having kicked my daughter out, even w/ granddaughter, is one of the best things I have done to really help her to grow up.  I know you're not allowing her to continue on the path that she's on, but even allowing her to still live under your roof if things continue as they are, because of your love for your g.s. - that's not really helping her at all.  It's enabling.  Sometimes a big kick-in-the-ass dose of reality is what they need in order to really grow up.  I know my daughter has more respect for me now because of how I finally handled things, than what she did when I was enabling her.  

All the best to you and your daughter and your grandson.  You all deserve it.   

CoeyG
by on Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:31 PM

I am beginning why she had this child to begin with.  It is obvious she doesn't want to be a mother which is fine in and of itself.  Not every woman does and if they know this about themsleves then they shouldn't have children.  

Your daughter strikes me as a woman who doesn't want to be a mother but got herself into this situation and it seems to me like she was fullfilling someone else's "dream" other than her own.  It seems as if someone else wanted her to be a parent much more than she wanted it.  Maybe even though she was pregnant she shouldn't have had the child to begin with, considering the suffering she has put this child through.  Or bettr she should have given him up when he was born.  

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