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My daughter hasn't spoke to me in 11 months

Posted by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:27 PM
  • 18 Replies
1 mom liked this
Last June I confronted her with something that I didn't agree with her on. Whenever I go "anywhere" from my home I go right past her home that is about a 30 to 40 minute drive. My husband and I build a home out in the country; where he is probably more happy than I am, but that's not the issue at this moment. My daughter has two children and in the past I have had to go pick them up so they could spend some quality time together. Especially in the summer with the pool. My daughter says it's too far for her to drive back and forth to. So when I know I have to go out of my surroundings, I "sometimes" call and ask if I can stop by and see her and the kids. It's usually a unexcusable no. I've lived out her 7 years and I can count on one hand how many times she has said yes. So I confronted her about it. Now she won't talk to me. AND to top it off, "I" am not allowed to put my grandchildren in my car if I'M going to be driving. Anziety medication I've been on since 1991. NOW it's a problem. Then because something else occured, I can't see my grandchildren at all. My grandsons birthday was yesterday, so my husband and I on Sautruday took his present to my son-in-laws business and dropped it off so he would have it for yesterday. As always, I'm sure they had a party for him on Sunday. Of course not invited. But they did instruct my grandson to call me at 8:30 PM last night to politely thank me for the present.~~~~I will be 62 the 26th of next month and never thought I would go out of this world like this. I was a great single mother (abandoned father when she was 3 years old) and a great if not better grandmother. I have had extensive surgery on my knee again in September, no one to take care of me (and she knew it) and a possible mini stroke, possible COPD, etc...now mal-nutritioned, and if anyone knows what RSD is that is a terminal disease. Please just type in RSD and see what it says. Right now I'm just a depressed, pain ridden, lonely woman that has so much inside me that I want to do, but either I can't or my husband doesn't want to do anything at all. So I'm just here. You think you might want to take me on as a friend? Ask most, I am a very giving and very nice person to others. Just not to myself.
Thanks for reading....Claudia
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 3:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
gmadiane
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 5:11 PM

Hello and welcome, I think you will find lots of friends here, and many of us including myself know exactly what you are going through, I hope you can find a way to at least be civil for the sake of you having a relationship with your grandchildren, I wish you the very best, hang in there

CoeyG
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 6:01 PM

Your grandchildren have a mother and she has the right to determine where they go and with whom.  It isn't her fault your husband prefers to live where the two of you live, those are choices you made choices you were entitled to make and she is entitled to make choices for her children.  I am quite ill myslef and I keep my driving to a minimum because of it, in case something goes wrong.  I have to use portable oxygen tanks and if I run out I'm SOL and I wouldn't want to be responsible for children in my car if that shold ever happen.  I have COPD I do know what that is.  I know what Systemic Lupus/Pulmonary Sarcoidosis is, I have them.  I know what CHF is, I have it.  No way would I be angry or depressed if my daughter didn't want her children in a car with me driving.  I wouldn't want them in a car with me driving.  So, what is wrong with you going to her house and visiting for an afternoon if you really want to see your grandkis?

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:02 PM
1 mom liked this

Can you ask your daughter to meet with you, on neutral territory, not in the home of either of you, and ask her what is really going on?  Does she have some ongoing resentment she has never told you about?  Is she angry with her husband and is taking it out on you?  Because her children should know their grandparents, you need to get this sorted out.  Tell her you love her and miss her and the grandkids, and you want to talk.   

jabs54
by Jeanine on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:21 PM

 I'm so sorry.  She won't let you come to her house for a visit?  It's shameful of her to deprive her kids of their grandparents!!!  (((hugs)))

busygramma4
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 8:48 PM

 I'm really sorry your dd won't let you see your gks. I know how I would feelif that happened to me. I would try to contact her & see if you could meet on neutral territory to "talk". If that doesn't work, I would let her know the lines of communications are open for her & that you would like to see the gks. & then let it go. You cannot control her actions. Only she can do that. And you've done all you can do by that point. And then you need to do something for yourself. Only YOU can control how you're going to react. You can't just live for this. Find something to get invovled w/. I know you said you live in the country, but you said you still drive a little. Get involved w/ something that makes you happy. Even if it's just getting on the computer & coming & talking to us. We're all a fun loving group of gals! Welcome to the group btw!

CoeyG
by on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:01 PM


Quoting busygramma4:

 I'm really sorry your dd won't let you see your gks. I know how I would feelif that happened to me. I would try to contact her & see if you could meet on neutral territory to "talk". If that doesn't work, I would let her know the lines of communications are open for her & that you would like to see the gks. & then let it go. You cannot control her actions. Only she can do that. And you've done all you can do by that point. And then you need to do something for yourself. Only YOU can control how you're going to react. You can't just live for this. Find something to get invovled w/. I know you said you live in the country, but you said you still drive a little. Get involved w/ something that makes you happy. Even if it's just getting on the computer & coming & talking to us. We're all a fun loving group of gals! Welcome to the group btw!

I agree, you've got to find something to do for you.  No one truly knows what is going on inside your daughter's heart or mind, only she does and if she isn't talking all you can do is wait until she does.  In the meantime you need to stop wallowing in sorrow over the grandkids because that isn't going to get her to talk anymore than confronting her,putting her on the defensive is going to.  

nana9106
by Darlene on Apr. 25, 2012 at 9:11 PM
Hi Claudia welcome to the group. It is nice to have you here. I'm so sorry for what you are dealing with.
Is it possible for you and your DD to go somewhere alone and have a heart to heart? Maybe you could talk out whatever the problem is and come up with a solution, or a least a compromise.
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rosebud727
by Rose on Apr. 25, 2012 at 10:45 PM

I read where you say that you call when your in her area to see if you can stop by. Can I ask why she won't let you stop by when your there?  I'm sorry you have such a strained relationship with your daughter. I would be really upset if I did as well.

LeJane
by Bronze Member on Apr. 26, 2012 at 12:52 AM

 Hello and welcome to the group.   The women on here are great.   

I am sorry that things ended up this way.     I would just be honest and talk to her.   Ask her what she wants or needs you to do  to make things right.  If you have to,  write her a letter to express your concerns and appologize for anything - if needed.    Kill her with kindness,  honesty and DO NOT be critical or try to guilt her into anything.   No past tripping-  mention of the past,  the problems or anything negative.    Just go forward with a positive attitude and take it from here.  Look for solutions.   Write yourself  a list of the problems that have come up and approach them logically.     Solve them, find alternatives  and keep going.   Can you get someone to assist you when visiting / spending time with the grandkids. 

       If you don't get anywhere,  let it be for awhile and like the previous poster said,  just get busy with other things.   Time will change things.    Sometimes we have to stir up our own lives.    Get on the internet and seek out your passions.  Start doing things you enjoy.   We all have the power to make our lives good.   I moved away from my children - who are all adults and went from a city to a rural acreage outside of a town with population 222.   It did feel isolated at 1st but it is all in how you look at it and attitude.   Only you can make this difference.   Even if you are limited in certain areas,  you just have to expand in others.  Write a book,  read,  try some new crafts  and projects,   start an herb garden indoor in pots,  learn a new language,  make jewelry or  whatever- try some new things.   Sometimes it is best to step outside of the pain we are feeling.     Humor and gratitude can carry us a long way.   Make sure to laugh everyday.  It helps to break through pain.    Hugs !!

   

momof3kidsdskh
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 4:32 AM

you can reply if you like im sick also i dont see dr;s anymore im deppressed,sad,an lonely always and i have a son whom i havent seen in over 15yrs,my baby girl who lives w/her nana an they dont get along and she's blames me for leavin her which i didnt,i told her i needed to go an she'd stay with her nana,my oldest girl i dont see she's so far away also,so each day i cry and im sad. your daughter is close thank god for that,try to break the ice as a mom because you dont want to leave this earth the way things are. your husband should be your support i wish i had my husband still,i've no support.i hope things work out keep intouch,live is too short.

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