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My son is driving me crazy!!!

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:37 PM
  • 17 Replies

Let me give bullet points, it will be faster:

  1. My son is 18 and was supposed to graduate this year, only he did not make sure his credits were turned in on time and now he has to make them up because the teachers that had the grades are no longer at the school! He will be a "5th" year senior now. 
  2. He doesn't have a job and his big concern yesterday about aquiring a job was "he needs to catch up on his sleep - FIRST"...I told him that will never happen. He needs to be in bed by 11pm and get up at a normal time (is what I said to him this morning)
  3. which leads me into point #3. HIS GIRLFRIEND. I went above and beyond and totally deserve MOTY award (Mother of the Year) because his girlfriend's family lost their home and were living in shelters for about 6 months. We took her in temporarily on the belief it would be for a weekend. 

While she was here, not only did our son relinquish all of his responsibilities and give us crap about it, but his girlfriend wouldn't do any chores because he told her not to. We told both of them they were required to do chores but somehow they would find a way to get out of them - usually he would say "You don't have to do that, I'll do it" and then he wouldn't do it. 

And then their social life kicked in. They would take off for wherever they felt like going whenever they felt like going there and not ask permission. We'd find out about it after the fact. His phone got stolen and hers was turned off for quite a while - understandably since her parents were homeless and couldn't pay their bills. We would get in all kinds of arguments and even go so far as to ground them. 

Luckily (for us) her parents finally moved into an apartment and she moved back home - tearfully but that has 0 effect on ME, personally, and I cheerfully sent her on her way. She's still over here several days every week, however, and he's gone so far as to invite her over for meals (eating our food for free) - strangely enough we can't get him to help prepare meals for the family without a fight but he'll cook for HER! 

And then there's the sleeping arrangements. I 1000000% agree with her father too, all of us adults here do as a matter of fact. But we have no control over him apparently or her. When she first came to us we sat them down and explained that Chris would sleep on the couch and she would sleep in his bed. That is the gentlemanly thing to do and that was the end of the discussion. Period. They ended up sleeping in the same bed. As it is on the other side of the wall from our bedroom I am 90% certain nothing was going on in there (he has a loft bed) so it would be excessively obvious but that's not the point. We told them repeatedly this is not acceptable behavior but short of throwing her out on the street to live in a shelter with her parents what in the world could we do? Insisting had no impact whatsoever. 

So, this weekend we REALLY need to spend some serious time cleaning our house. We have a new baby on the way, I'm 25 weeks pregnant and banned from anything strenuous (can't lift over 15 pounds, nothing rigorous and I get swollen within an hour of getting out of bed in the morning so I'm essentially on partial bed-rest per my doctor's orders). I have tried to spend 1/2 hour to 1 hour here and there getting some simple things done but it's just not enough. He needs to move out of his room so our 8 year old daughter can move into his room so the baby can move into our room. He will be moving into the basement but that's currently one of our storage areas and flat out needs to be cleared out so he can move all of his stuff down there before the baby is born so we can shift everyone else around. 

He told me this morning as I was dropping him at his bus stop that he's not going to be home, oh and by the way his girlfriend is planning on spending the night so they can go down to the Seattle Center tomorrow. I told him that was not acceptable and he needs to get his priorities straight. We have to get this work done, it's not getting done and he just smiled at me and said "it's not going to anyway"...

Can I strangle him? What in the world can I do? Until this year he's been a really great kid/person and fairly obedient - we have ALWAYS had problems disciplining him ever since he was old enough to discipline. He never cared what we did if he misbehaved so I'm at a total loss. WE are at a total loss!

My husband has just about given up hope and doesn't want to deal with it anymore now that he's 18. I feel like I'm in this alone and I don't need the added stress since I'm having complications with my pregnancy. I really don't know if anyone here has ever had these problems or know anyone who has. 

I could really really use some advice. I have taken all sorts of parenting classes, read books and attended seminars since he was about 2. I have used everything in my personal arsinal and I'm coming up blank. HELP!!! 

frustrated

Chris_n_Mandy_n_Abby's Mom

 Pregnancy%20ticker

 



by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LadySaphira
by Lisa on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:50 PM

AT the point you are at, I would let them both live in a shelter school or no school. He is an adult and needs to act like one, she is not your child and her parents need to be responcible for her.

chrisnmandysmom
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:03 PM

I totally agree with you Lady. But what do I do about him? He's the instigator and I have to live with him. (Unfortunately LOL) I happily shove her off on her parents - oh by the way, they're large children themselves. She's more mature and responsible than either of them. Sad but true. She has 11 year old twin brothers who have developmental problems as well. 

Really, I need for him to get a job so he can be somewhat independent, he needs to help around the house more without giving me a ton of grief about it and he needs to graduate high school so he can go to college. He wants to be a train engineer and has his entire life. He has a huge problem with entitlement. We just can't get through to him he is NOT entitled to "the good life" without working for it. My husband, mother and I all had jobs at a young age and have worked really hard for everything we have. I don't get it...

Esmrlda
by Esme on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:36 PM

 Tell him to be a locomotive engineer he needs to have a high school diploma.

Mariagma3
by Silver Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:47 PM

 slapA couple of those is in order, I swear!

CoeyG
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 5:14 PM

If he isn't complying with your rules hand him the names and addresses of homeless shelters in your area tell him to pack anc show him the door.  Stop taking him anywhere, if he needs to look for a job tell him to get a bus pass and to start walking.  And by the way, he was old enough to discipliine the day he was born, that's when you start setting rules and boundaries about spoiling him as a child.  You don't wait until he is in school or a teen...

busygramma4
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 8:28 PM

This is what I would do since he's not complying at all.

Quoting CoeyG:

If he isn't complying with your rules hand him the names and addresses of homeless shelters in your area tell him to pack anc show him the door.  Stop taking him anywhere, if he needs to look for a job tell him to get a bus pass and to start walking.  And by the way, he was old enough to discipliine the day he was born, that's when you start setting rules and boundaries about spoiling him as a child.  You don't wait until he is in school or a teen...


enafaye
by Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:14 PM

Sounds like you are having alot of stress.  That isn't going to help your pregnancy at all.  So keep to your plan, and enlist the help of your little girl to help with the move. Hubby and she can do the most, and you can sit and put all his "stuff" in trash bags to move downstairs.  Only give him enough space to sleep.  Then make the room all girly for your daughter.  Make sure it is just for her. As for the girlfriend, you did what felt you needed to do, but now you need to make it uncomfortable to her to stay.....don't give them any privacy!   Make sure you make it impossible for them to be comfy.  You have done your job, it is time for the feathers to be taken out of the nest.  Hugs, I know this is hard.    Do you have family he can move to be with, so he can finish his education?  Grandparents are a good source of making reality set in.  Best wishes on your new baby. 

jabs54
by Jeanine on Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this

 Since he's so blatantly disrespectful I would tell him he has to move out.  He can move in with his girlfriends parents ;)

boys2men2soon
by Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 10:34 PM

He is entitled because he gets away with it!    If he does not come home, lock the doors.   He doesn't want to move his stuff and clean up the basement.....don't clear out the basement and throw his stuff down there...he can set it up, clean it up..or sleep among the mess.      If he wants to have the gf over for dinner....they can make dinner for the family or not eat.      Do not drive him to the bus, or anywhere else..take his phone and anything else you pay for away.

chrisnmandysmom
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 11:11 PM

thanks so much everyone! I agree with you and know it's a hard situation. I appreciate all your feedback. Keep it coming! I need strong allies in this particular battle! 

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