Let me give bullet points, it will be faster:
- My son is 18 and was supposed to graduate this year, only he did not make sure his credits were turned in on time and now he has to make them up because the teachers that had the grades are no longer at the school! He will be a "5th" year senior now.
- He doesn't have a job and his big concern yesterday about aquiring a job was "he needs to catch up on his sleep - FIRST"...I told him that will never happen. He needs to be in bed by 11pm and get up at a normal time (is what I said to him this morning)
- which leads me into point #3. HIS GIRLFRIEND. I went above and beyond and totally deserve MOTY award (Mother of the Year) because his girlfriend's family lost their home and were living in shelters for about 6 months. We took her in temporarily on the belief it would be for a weekend.
While she was here, not only did our son relinquish all of his responsibilities and give us crap about it, but his girlfriend wouldn't do any chores because he told her not to. We told both of them they were required to do chores but somehow they would find a way to get out of them - usually he would say "You don't have to do that, I'll do it" and then he wouldn't do it.
And then their social life kicked in. They would take off for wherever they felt like going whenever they felt like going there and not ask permission. We'd find out about it after the fact. His phone got stolen and hers was turned off for quite a while - understandably since her parents were homeless and couldn't pay their bills. We would get in all kinds of arguments and even go so far as to ground them.
Luckily (for us) her parents finally moved into an apartment and she moved back home - tearfully but that has 0 effect on ME, personally, and I cheerfully sent her on her way. She's still over here several days every week, however, and he's gone so far as to invite her over for meals (eating our food for free) - strangely enough we can't get him to help prepare meals for the family without a fight but he'll cook for HER!
And then there's the sleeping arrangements. I 1000000% agree with her father too, all of us adults here do as a matter of fact. But we have no control over him apparently or her. When she first came to us we sat them down and explained that Chris would sleep on the couch and she would sleep in his bed. That is the gentlemanly thing to do and that was the end of the discussion. Period. They ended up sleeping in the same bed. As it is on the other side of the wall from our bedroom I am 90% certain nothing was going on in there (he has a loft bed) so it would be excessively obvious but that's not the point. We told them repeatedly this is not acceptable behavior but short of throwing her out on the street to live in a shelter with her parents what in the world could we do? Insisting had no impact whatsoever.
So, this weekend we REALLY need to spend some serious time cleaning our house. We have a new baby on the way, I'm 25 weeks pregnant and banned from anything strenuous (can't lift over 15 pounds, nothing rigorous and I get swollen within an hour of getting out of bed in the morning so I'm essentially on partial bed-rest per my doctor's orders). I have tried to spend 1/2 hour to 1 hour here and there getting some simple things done but it's just not enough. He needs to move out of his room so our 8 year old daughter can move into his room so the baby can move into our room. He will be moving into the basement but that's currently one of our storage areas and flat out needs to be cleared out so he can move all of his stuff down there before the baby is born so we can shift everyone else around.
He told me this morning as I was dropping him at his bus stop that he's not going to be home, oh and by the way his girlfriend is planning on spending the night so they can go down to the Seattle Center tomorrow. I told him that was not acceptable and he needs to get his priorities straight. We have to get this work done, it's not getting done and he just smiled at me and said "it's not going to anyway"...
Can I strangle him? What in the world can I do? Until this year he's been a really great kid/person and fairly obedient - we have ALWAYS had problems disciplining him ever since he was old enough to discipline. He never cared what we did if he misbehaved so I'm at a total loss. WE are at a total loss!
My husband has just about given up hope and doesn't want to deal with it anymore now that he's 18. I feel like I'm in this alone and I don't need the added stress since I'm having complications with my pregnancy. I really don't know if anyone here has ever had these problems or know anyone who has.
I could really really use some advice. I have taken all sorts of parenting classes, read books and attended seminars since he was about 2. I have used everything in my personal arsinal and I'm coming up blank. HELP!!!