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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

I went from living at home to living with my sister to being a live in babysitter to living with my first husband. I had my oldest daughter 27 years ago last month and my youngest 22 years ago last December. I have been married and divorced twice, and been a single mom for the rest of the time. I was already dreading my baby turning 18 and leaving home. When my oldest daughter died 5 years ago, at the age of 21,  my baby promised to stay till she was 22. She is 22 and her an her 2 sons will be leaving me next month. I am so happy to be having the house to my self, but am so don't want to be alone. I am so scared that she is going to leave and not come back either. How do people deal with this?? I am looking for a smaller place now... Alone.

Owner of "Did You Ever Wonder???" , "Dealing With Losing A Loved One" and "Dealing with losing a child" .
by on May. 5, 2012 at 3:14 PM
Replies (21-30):
stepof5
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2012 at 4:26 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. I know it can be difficult for any parent to adjust to being an "empty nester" and learn how to rediscover themselves again. I do agree with the others that grief counseling or counseling could be beneficial for you and your daughter to live happy, productive lives. Sure, some counselors are better than others, so I would interview them, but there is much to be learned from others who have walked similar paths to you. There is often free counseling availalble. I find that it is helpful for me to volunteer and reach out to others that way. Best of luck!

MomTiara19
by Member on May. 6, 2012 at 7:57 PM

Remember....you are her mom.She will always need you.....and your grandchildren need you.

There may be a time in which she will be busy....and things hectic.Try to remember what it was like for you at her age and starting out.

Why not take this opportunity to do some things you love,a hobby,volunteer,call old friends,join a single group and start a new romance.

Empty nest doesnt have to mean lonliness.....you just have more closet space.

http://www.pinterest.com/tiaramom19/

Blessings,Tia

louannwilkins
by Louann on May. 7, 2012 at 12:00 AM

 Hello...I want to first say that I'm sorry for your loss.  It is hard dealing with being on your own.  I know that you must be like a lot of us though and you've probably put your hobbies and dreams on the back burner.  Now maybe it's time to think about and do some of the things you're interested in.  Good luck!!    :)

hugss
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by on May. 7, 2012 at 12:04 AM

Welcome to the group,
Find some things/hobbies you like to do.
Thank goodness for the internet because it will allow you not to be alone :)

ThorneyRose
by on May. 18, 2012 at 4:22 PM

I want to thank you all for your responses.

For those of you that responded get counseling, I do not believe in couselors. To me they are just people who are out for moneyand don't actually do anything to earn it. Family and friends make better counselors... They know you so well.

CoeyG... My first husband (both girls dad) (I have been married and divorced twice) was a violent alcoholic who physically and emotionally abused me for 11 years. I was pregnant once in between my girls and thanks to him lost my son when I was about 5 months pregnant and had to drive my self to the hospital. I don't normally live my life in fear either. My oldest was a c-section and my youngest was normal birth.  And I have been raped many times in my life (first time was a family friend who took my virginity), both before my first husband and during our marriage.

Now for those like MomTiara19... I really thank you because my daddy always said laughter is the best medicine. I will not have more closent space because with her gone I will now not be missing all or any of my clothes.

Again thank you all for responding.

Owner of "Did You Ever Wonder???" , "Dealing With Losing A Loved One" and "Dealing with losing a child" .
ThorneyRose
by on May. 18, 2012 at 5:01 PM

Ooops forgot some responses...

I do not go to church (of any kind), so no talking to pastors and such (again friends and family).

Correction from before... I do live with fear. A person would be telling a lie or in need of that help that some people keep suggesting if they said they did not live with some fear. I have a few fears, one is of spiders (they like me but I don't like them... in fact I tend to scream when they are around).

I was born with a tilted pelvic bone which makes it painful to have sex, and I was suppose to have all c-sections. Because I had my second daughter natural it messed things up more down there. I am looking for a man who does not want sex ( although two of my closest friends are lesbian, I am only attracted to men).... I may be alone for the rest of my life (big sigh).


Owner of "Did You Ever Wonder???" , "Dealing With Losing A Loved One" and "Dealing with losing a child" .
caro100
by Carol on May. 18, 2012 at 5:15 PM

I'm sorry that you are so against therapy.  It sounds as if you are very depressed, not just lonely.  Anxiety, is one of the major symptoms of  depression.  it also sounds if you got hooked up with some therapists who did you no good.. Therapy takes time and you have to be willing to work at it.  You say, you prefer family and friends to counsellors, but it has been my experience that while confiding and talking to friends about our problems can make us feel somewhat better, you expect your family to coddle you and say soothing things, and sometimes that is not what is needed.   Welcome to the group.  NO, I AM NOT A COUNSELLOR, nor do I play one on t.v.  I am just one of the Moms that has worked in the mental health field on and off for 25 years or better.

ThorneyRose
by on May. 18, 2012 at 5:39 PM


Quoting caro100:

I'm sorry that you are so against therapy.  It sounds as if you are very depressed, not just lonely.  Anxiety, is one of the major symptoms of  depression.  it also sounds if you got hooked up with some therapists who did you no good.. Therapy takes time and you have to be willing to work at it.  You say, you prefer family and friends to counsellors, but it has been my experience that while confiding and talking to friends about our problems can make us feel somewhat better, you expect your family to coddle you and say soothing things, and sometimes that is not what is needed.   Welcome to the group.  NO, I AM NOT A COUNSELLOR, nor do I play one on t.v.  I am just one of the Moms that has worked in the mental health field on and off for 25 years or better.

I am not sorry I am against therapy. I do not have depression nor anxiety. My therapy is with friends and family, and have been working on it for almost 47 years (seems that something comes up every day that I end up talking to one or more of them about). It is my experience that family and friends can be the best councelors for they tell it like it is and don't coddle (at least in my family and with my friends). I have been a member for several months now but thanks. I am happy for you on your job choice. Mine has been working with children since I was 11, so have been doing so for 36 years.

Owner of "Did You Ever Wonder???" , "Dealing With Losing A Loved One" and "Dealing with losing a child" .
terri-553
by Silver Member on May. 18, 2012 at 5:59 PM

She will come home and visit,It is your turn.Do things your way,get ahobby/read a book.Go tot he movies.most of all enjoy the quite

CoeyG
by on May. 18, 2012 at 6:10 PM


Quoting ThorneyRose:

Ooops forgot some responses...

I do not go to church (of any kind), so no talking to pastors and such (again friends and family).

Correction from before... I do live with fear. A person would be telling a lie or in need of that help that some people keep suggesting if they said they did not live with some fear. I have a few fears, one is of spiders (they like me but I don't like them... in fact I tend to scream when they are around).

I was born with a tilted pelvic bone which makes it painful to have sex, and I was suppose to have all c-sections. Because I had my second daughter natural it messed things up more down there. I am looking for a man who does not want sex ( although two of my closest friends are lesbian, I am only attracted to men).... I may be alone for the rest of my life (big sigh).


Yes I do live with fear...however I don't allow it to consume me.  There is a difference, I do not allow fear to pepper my decisions.  I was on a plane to Toronto, Canad September 12, 2001,  after hearing co workers were killed when Tower II of the World Trade Center fell onto the steps of The Bank of New York's home office building.  

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