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My DH is being Arse! AND I told him so! (sort of)

Posted by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:04 AM
  • 13 Replies

We are having this constant conversation about SS16(who will be 17 in July and does NOT have his license yet) & DH feels he needs to get him a car.

I'm trying to disengage, but we have joint finances, and this isn't so easy, DH didn't get OSD a car, tho DH said, AFTER Christmas Break when school started again,(the yr OSD graduated DH was going to give her his car, as he planned all along. OSD had just just gotten her license the week of Thanksgiving that yr, and didn't need a car then. BM thinks the whole world should revolve around her, and do what ever she wants when SHE wants it.(we weren't able to give OSD the car in Nov. but could in Jan. but that wasn't good enough) BUT BM wouldn't wait, and went out and got OSD a car.(it was an older car, and too big for OSD), who drives like a bat out of hell, got a speeding tix the 2nd week of having her license, 89 in a 55 but the police officer lowered it to 69 for her. with in 8 months OSD Wrecked this car twice and the second time totaled it(she was 19 yrs old by then)

Well as it happened my 19 yr old also was looking for her first car, and DH all on his own came to me and said, since OSD all ready had a car, he felt my DD should have his car, with the understanding the timing belt be replaced($600.00) hmm..ok, I know he wouldn't have made OSD do that, but hey my kid gets a car for $600.00.

Well ever since Osd totaled her first car, & DH didn't "help" her get another one(she is 19, and has no job)  my DH is always throwing it in my face that he "gave" my DD his car!..  DH got a very sketchy story as to how OSD's car got wrecked, and BM told DH not to talk to OSD about it, and when DH asked OSD where the car was, he wanted to see it, she said, Ummm I dunno, where ever they take cars to junk them for parts.... anyway, DH feels he hasn't fullfilled his "obligation" to OSD about the car thing,   so now he really thinks he should help SS get a car,(I think DH should get a clunker and he and SS should rebuilt or work on the engine and BM pay for parts, SS lives with BM and that is who will pay for the insurance)

He started in again about it, I don't know what to tell him about OSD and that situation,  Any way,,,(BM got a car because DH didn't do things on her timetable. Bottom line, OSD clalimed we had cars just laying around! HAHAHA

I finally said to DH, you know DD & I were very grateful u gave her your car, she was so ecstatic!(her own BD kept promising it and never went thru with it) she took VERY good care of it,until someone smashed into her(not her fault) AND she had to pay for all the repairs on that car,(general maintenance) U taught her how to change the oil and she did, but if I had know it was going to be thrown in my face every time we have this conversation or what ever, you should have kept the DAM thing! HELL ur Daughter smashed her car up 8 months later U could have given it to her and full filled what ever "right" or wish or what ever u feel u needed to do. Then I shut my mouth.

Because what I wanted to say was, DH giving  OSD a car isn't going to MAKE her visit here any more then if he didn't give her a car, or a plane or a train or a bus! NO one in that family knows how to take care of anything, (which I did bring up on the helping his son get a car issue, so help him get a fix er uper and when it breaks down because all they do is  put gas in them and drive them then what?)

My folks didn't get me a car, I saved and EARNED it! YOU appreciated it more, and damit so did his folks. Freaking SKDS think they just get what ever they want out of these parents. and he isn't any better, well its now my money too!

ok.. rant over,,, thanks

banging head into wall


planning a wedding


by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
suzeebloch
by Ronna on May. 7, 2012 at 8:54 AM

So at what point did you call your DH an ARSE?  lol.  Sorry, I kinda had a difficult time following your rant ... but my 2¢ is that each child is an indivdual and no two are going to act the same.  That goes for responsibility, entitlement, paying attention, staying in touch with their parents, you name it.

My first car was given to me and I took care of and appreciated it just as much as the vehicles I scrimped and saved for.  I co-signed a car loan for my daughter for her first car and she did NOT take care of that vehicle just as she also did NOT with the cars she scrimped and saved for!  Thank goodness for Gpa and AAA.  lol.

Haven't had to face the car issue much with my son as he suffers from seizures due to a brain tumor (removed last year but still having occasional seizures).  After he graduates from college next month, he plans to stay in California where public transportation actually exists and he doesn't have to worry about driving at all.  When he was in high school, though, before the brain tumor or seizures, he drove my car to/from school and work since I worked at home.. 

gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 9:12 AM


Quoting suzeebloch:

So at what point did you call your DH an ARSE?  lol.  Sorry, I kinda had a difficult time following your rant ... but my 2¢ is that each child is an indivdual and no two are going to act the same.  That goes for responsibility, entitlement, paying attention, staying in touch with their parents, you name it.

My first car was given to me and I took care of and appreciated it just as much as the vehicles I scrimped and saved for.  I co-signed a car loan for my daughter for her first car and she did NOT take care of that vehicle just as she also did NOT with the cars she scrimped and saved for!  Thank goodness for Gpa and AAA.  lol.

Haven't had to face the car issue much with my son as he suffers from seizures due to a brain tumor (removed last year but still having occasional seizures).  After he graduates from college next month, he plans to stay in California where public transportation actually exists and he doesn't have to worry about driving at all.  When he was in high school, though, before the brain tumor or seizures, he drove my car to/from school and work since I worked at home.. 

I wish the kids lived closer to public transportation! We all live on the outskirts of the country so there isn't any.(tho to listen to the SKDS u would think they live in the hills of the country! LOL.. (My family was brought up that way) They would never survive.

ok, well I guess I should re do my title as I never actually called him an arse, as I am careful with words when I argue, even tho someone might say they are sorry, it's still out there and u can't take it back, but he was behaving like one, every time this stupid car issue comes up!. and SS was washing the dishes the other night while my DD was outside with my DH while he was putting her new to her car she had for 3 weeks that broke down, back together, and she was all over him asking questions, and holding things and getting dirty. SS hates to get dirty or go outside. He even said when he gets a car he won't know what to do,cause he knows nothing about them.

my DH has tried to take SS outside with him, when he changes oil, rotates tires, or what ever he can do on his own to show SS, SS just doesn't care or have the interest. So I told SS, after my girls BD & I divorced, I took a beginners mechanics class, so I would know a little about cars, so if something went wrong, a mechanic, (depending on the problem) couldn't come to me and tell me it was XYZ and going to cost $1500.. when in reality, it was just a basic hose or something. (I think that fell on deaf ears too)

Kinda P.S. this same SS, has broken or dragged or lost at least 12 plus pair of ear phones in the last 2 yrs, and has broken or lost 3 MP3 players he has gotten as gifts, to replace the lost or broken ones!& that is just a start.


planning a wedding


gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 9:15 AM

Another issue is DH & I both feel IF DH gets SS a car, BM will say, u got the car, u insure it! Even tho SS doesn't live with us.

gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 9:15 AM

BUMP!

homeskoolmama
by on May. 7, 2012 at 10:46 AM

oh gosh, what a mess!

if you can't agree on who gets what when and how, don't. No one gets anything unless they buy it. Your money is joint, it is a 'family' so act as one. If not, then tell everyone to fend for themselves.

I know I know, that sounded really harsh. And I did not mean it to , I just don't know another way to put it.

My mom bought my oldest son a car, against my wishes, she also insured it. She also paid his tickets. As it was not what I wanted or felt was best, I told her it was her decision, her money, she could foot the bills. She did.

My 20 yo bought his own car, wrecked it, paid his own insurance and tickets.

My youngest son we helped get a car with the understanding that he would pay us back. Which he did. He got a ticket, we paid, he paid us back.

You guys have too many people wanting/demanding too many things and expecting it.

 You and your dh need to get on the same sheet of music otherwise, these kids and their issues will tear you apart.

Trust me that part I understand!

gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 12:05 PM


Quoting homeskoolmama:

oh gosh, what a mess!

if you can't agree on who gets what when and how, don't. No one gets anything unless they buy it. Your money is joint, it is a 'family' so act as one. If not, then tell everyone to fend for themselves.

I know I know, that sounded really harsh. And I did not mean it to , I just don't know another way to put it.

My mom bought my oldest son a car, against my wishes, she also insured it. She also paid his tickets. As it was not what I wanted or felt was best, I told her it was her decision, her money, she could foot the bills. She did.

My 20 yo bought his own car, wrecked it, paid his own insurance and tickets.

My youngest son we helped get a car with the understanding that he would pay us back. Which he did. He got a ticket, we paid, he paid us back.

You guys have too many people wanting/demanding too many things and expecting it.

 You and your dh need to get on the same sheet of music otherwise, these kids and their issues will tear you apart.

Trust me that part I understand!

A mess to say the least!

Any work my Dh does on my DD's car, if he has to buy the parts, he keepts the reciepts, and she has to pay him back,(over time) it's NOT a 2 way street with the SKDS. That double standard is the reason, my DD hates living here! (I don't blame her, and yes I have brought this up with him)

I felt like I should have gotten my DD a car also,but couldn't afford it,and didn't. (I even emailed her BD  a year before asking him if he was going to make good on his promise, if not I would try to save for her to get one,he ignored the email)

I agree w/u, if we can't agree on it, it shouldn't be done, I even suggest just offering some money towards the  purchase of the car when the time comes. I mean come on, he doesn't even have his license yet.

What is strange is I remember DH telling Both older SKDS they had to have their licenses a yr, and have a job to help pay the costs. (guess that went out the window) BUT they don't live with us.



planning a wedding


LadySaphira
by Lisa on May. 7, 2012 at 12:17 PM

Sounds like a mess. Glad I don't have to deal with th whole my kids, your kids, our kids issue.

KittyGram
by Becky on May. 7, 2012 at 12:29 PM
1 mom liked this

No one ever bought a car for me and I've never bought one for my daughter.  

 

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on May. 7, 2012 at 1:13 PM

Your signature says that you have been married to this husband for less than two years.  It sounds like you didn't talk about kids/financial issues which is huge when pooling resources and families for a second marriage.  Can you and  your husband talk to a financial advisor and get some input from someone who is not emotionally involved in your finances and your family?   

gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on May. 7, 2012 at 2:44 PM


Quoting DesignGirl450:

Your signature says that you have been married to this husband for less than two years.  It sounds like you didn't talk about kids/financial issues which is huge when pooling resources and families for a second marriage.  Can you and  your husband talk to a financial advisor and get some input from someone who is not emotionally involved in your finances and your family?   

Actually we did, we dated for over 2 yrs before getting married, somewhere along the line, things are changing. I  think DH is trying to one up BM.(I personally hate that game) and think it's ridiculous. It's still not going to stop BM from her "trash" talk and lies about DH & myself, nor is it going to "make them" want to see their BD any more than they do.

Like I've told my DH, nothing he  does or doesn't do will control what BM says.


planning a wedding


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