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My DH is being Arse! AND I told him so! (sort of)

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We are having this constant conversation about SS16(who will be 17 in July and does NOT have his license yet) & DH feels he needs to get him a car.

I'm trying to disengage, but we have joint finances, and this isn't so easy, DH didn't get OSD a car, tho DH said, AFTER Christmas Break when school started again,(the yr OSD graduated DH was going to give her his car, as he planned all along. OSD had just just gotten her license the week of Thanksgiving that yr, and didn't need a car then. BM thinks the whole world should revolve around her, and do what ever she wants when SHE wants it.(we weren't able to give OSD the car in Nov. but could in Jan. but that wasn't good enough) BUT BM wouldn't wait, and went out and got OSD a car.(it was an older car, and too big for OSD), who drives like a bat out of hell, got a speeding tix the 2nd week of having her license, 89 in a 55 but the police officer lowered it to 69 for her. with in 8 months OSD Wrecked this car twice and the second time totaled it(she was 19 yrs old by then)

Well as it happened my 19 yr old also was looking for her first car, and DH all on his own came to me and said, since OSD all ready had a car, he felt my DD should have his car, with the understanding the timing belt be replaced($600.00) hmm..ok, I know he wouldn't have made OSD do that, but hey my kid gets a car for $600.00.

Well ever since Osd totaled her first car, & DH didn't "help" her get another one(she is 19, and has no job)  my DH is always throwing it in my face that he "gave" my DD his car!..  DH got a very sketchy story as to how OSD's car got wrecked, and BM told DH not to talk to OSD about it, and when DH asked OSD where the car was, he wanted to see it, she said, Ummm I dunno, where ever they take cars to junk them for parts.... anyway, DH feels he hasn't fullfilled his "obligation" to OSD about the car thing,   so now he really thinks he should help SS get a car,(I think DH should get a clunker and he and SS should rebuilt or work on the engine and BM pay for parts, SS lives with BM and that is who will pay for the insurance)

He started in again about it, I don't know what to tell him about OSD and that situation,  Any way,,,(BM got a car because DH didn't do things on her timetable. Bottom line, OSD clalimed we had cars just laying around! HAHAHA

I finally said to DH, you know DD & I were very grateful u gave her your car, she was so ecstatic!(her own BD kept promising it and never went thru with it) she took VERY good care of it,until someone smashed into her(not her fault) AND she had to pay for all the repairs on that car,(general maintenance) U taught her how to change the oil and she did, but if I had know it was going to be thrown in my face every time we have this conversation or what ever, you should have kept the DAM thing! HELL ur Daughter smashed her car up 8 months later U could have given it to her and full filled what ever "right" or wish or what ever u feel u needed to do. Then I shut my mouth.

Because what I wanted to say was, DH giving  OSD a car isn't going to MAKE her visit here any more then if he didn't give her a car, or a plane or a train or a bus! NO one in that family knows how to take care of anything, (which I did bring up on the helping his son get a car issue, so help him get a fix er uper and when it breaks down because all they do is  put gas in them and drive them then what?)

My folks didn't get me a car, I saved and EARNED it! YOU appreciated it more, and damit so did his folks. Freaking SKDS think they just get what ever they want out of these parents. and he isn't any better, well its now my money too!

ok.. rant over,,, thanks

banging head into wall

planning a wedding

by on May. 7, 2012 at 8:04 AM
Replies (11-13):
by Louann on May. 7, 2012 at 3:02 PM
1 mom liked this is such a mess at times.  I'm sorry you're having such a hard time.  I was never given a car.  I always had to buy my own and my son did the same.  I did help him out sometimes with insurance but only because I wanted to.  Good luck!!

by Jeanine on May. 7, 2012 at 3:32 PM

 Sorry, I haven't dealt with this issue as my kids worked through high school and bought their own cars.  Good luck to you though!

by on May. 7, 2012 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this

Quoting suzeebloch:

So at what point did you call your DH an ARSE?  lol.  Sorry, I kinda had a difficult time following your rant ... but my 2¢ is that each child is an indivdual and no two are going to act the same.  That goes for responsibility, entitlement, paying attention, staying in touch with their parents, you name it.

My first car was given to me and I took care of and appreciated it just as much as the vehicles I scrimped and saved for.  I co-signed a car loan for my daughter for her first car and she did NOT take care of that vehicle just as she also did NOT with the cars she scrimped and saved for!  Thank goodness for Gpa and AAA.  lol.

Haven't had to face the car issue much with my son as he suffers from seizures due to a brain tumor (removed last year but still having occasional seizures).  After he graduates from college next month, he plans to stay in California where public transportation actually exists and he doesn't have to worry about driving at all.  When he was in high school, though, before the brain tumor or seizures, he drove my car to/from school and work since I worked at home.. 

Oh yes they have very good public transportation in California, especially there in Davis and Sacramento.  I used to take the train from Folsom into downotown Sacramento to shop the mall there and there were busses coming and going constantly.  

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