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Hi and Desperately Seeking Advice

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I originally posted this under General Discussion,  but after Stephanie emailed me and let me know about this group, I think this needs to be here (instead) too.

Hi. I'm a 48-YO mom of 2 boys, 19 and 22. Oldest admitted he has been smoking marijuana since he was 16 (I was at home, working part time while they were younger, so I don't understand how I missed this!!). Over a month ago, after he was busted by me and admitted he did, my husband and I told him he had to stop if he wanted to continue to live at home. We offered intervention to him, but he swore he could stop on his own. He lives at home because he was terminated at college for academic failure. He has no job, but he's putting in applications. He swears to both me and hubby that he quit, but he refuses to take the drug screening test I purchased. The problem lies herein: My hubby and I are going to the Caribbean for a week the end of May to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary. I don't necessarily want to have the oldest live here (the 19-YO is very responsible) if he is doing drugs of any kind. No close family, although friends could intervene. Hubby and I already decided if he did something stupid and got arrested, he was going to serve his time in jail - we're not putting up bond. If that happens, hopefully he would learn from that. Anyway, he adamantly refuses to do the test. He has me in tears, because I asked him to do it for me, and reminded him of all I've done for him. Should this really be an issue? Should I just trust him (like he's asking me to do) and drop the subject? Since he's moved back, I've had to go on an anxiety medication, plus my reflux and hiatal hernia are acting up and I have to get scoped again. He doesn't understand the pressure he's put me under.

by on May. 7, 2012 at 1:24 PM
Replies (21-22):
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2012 at 5:39 PM

Embarrass the hell out of him by hiring a babysitter. And older woman or older man.

by on May. 8, 2012 at 5:53 PM

That would suck as a way to celebrate your 25th wedding anniversary. Why should they ruin their romantic vacation to babysit this selfish man?

Quoting Bmat:

I had another thought. Take him with you on the trip. Hopefully he won't be able to get pot so maybe can get off of it, and you can keep your eye on him.

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