SD17 has been living with us for 8 months. DH and I have had repeated talks with her about living the house rules. SD is full of attitude whenever we talk to her together about house rules, or finishing a chore and rolls her eyes, huffs and puffs and then says, okay or can I go now. At one point SD threatened to move back to BioMoms. We told SD to think seriously about where she wanted to live while we were on a trip and whether SD could abide by our house rules and we would talk about it when we returned. SD didn't want to commit to anything of course, but finally said she wanted to stay till the end of May and would abide by rules til then. (Really SD wants to stay and we would be okay with it if SD follows house rules. SD was pushed to agree to the "end of school decision" because she wasn't committing to anything. SD said it would be too hard to move and it would affect her grades if she were to move while school was on. SD is struggling with school).
SD abides by some house rules, but the others we end up having to prode her and then follow-up to see if they are being done. Often they are still not. DH talks a firm talk, but then doesn't always follow-up because he's busy with work, tired of the issue, it's easier to let it go and for DH to just live with it than me who is a SAHM.
One of the house rules is that SD get a part-time job and work this summer. We told SD about two months ago that she needed to start looking and have a job before school ends or all of the good jobs will be gone. SD has filled out an application for only one job that DH, I and a friend prodded her to do so.
I talked with DH last week and let him know that I don't believe SD is making a concerted effort, that I hope SD does find a job and follow the house rules this monh, but if not, I think we would be doing SD a disservice by just letting her stay. DH and I are tired of this being an issue or source of contention between us. DH doesn't want to usually discuss SD lately and during this conversation said, "Well, I might be willing to give her two more weeks after school ends to find a job..."I can see this turning into, "Well she's looking, but jobs are hard to find..." Personally, I've reached my limit! I have been seeing a counselor once a month since January about the situation and convinced DH to come once. The counselor's appt times don't really work with his work schedule and DH started a new job so he doesn't have a lot of flexibility and is concerned about being a good provider. Counselor agrees that we should hold SD to the agreement we have with her. No job by the end of school, then back to biomom's. It isn't fair to our 2 year old daughter nor SS19 who lives with us and are following rules.
I need your advice as I'm ready to go and rent a place for the summer with DD. I'm tired of living in a mess, having to ask and ask SD to clean, do laundry, put away her stuff, call to see if SD's coming home for dinner, etc. SD drives a car stepdad gave her and basically comes and goes when SD wants or I or DH have to track her down. One house rule is that SD communicates with us and lets us know if she is going to a friends, biomoms, after school, her comings and goings. SD is very sporadic or rarely does this. After talks, SD will be good for a bit and then it's back to the same. I feel like I'm having to push DH to follow-through and I'm tired of that too. Having 3 household (biom and stepdad have been separated for 20 months) doesn't help either. HELP!