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need guidance on an issue

Posted by on May. 17, 2012 at 4:56 PM
  • 147 Replies

I need advice. I have a grown, married daughter. She has a wonderful little family. She is a wonderful young lady--you would agree if you were to meet her. She is smart, witty, generous to a fault, loving and compassionate. She stays home with two children and lost a full term still born baby a short while back. My issue is this...she and her husband are absolute slobs.  THe house is extremely dirty. NOw, not so bad the kids would ever be taken away...no bugs anything. But, the toilets, tub, kitchen, floors...everywhere...is so dirty. I have been told it could be due to depression, but this has been going on for 10 yrs. I used to go there and clean myself to help out. It became upsetting b/c they never kept it up. They have had 2 brand new homes and you would not believe what they looked like after only 1 year. I tried "guilt", "encouraging", sharing "tips", etc. I am at a loss now. I just get so upset when I go there.  Anyone have ANY ideas?

 

by on May. 17, 2012 at 4:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lauriebash
by on May. 17, 2012 at 5:03 PM
29 moms liked this

 If there are no other signs of depression, let it go. Everybody lives differently. I kept up with our home the best I could, but I chose to play with and enjoy our sons instead of scrubbing toilets. Drove my mom insane. The memories that I have of my childhood was mom sweeping, scouring floors and cleaning the oven. She always made me wait til she was done cleaning before we could even go outside! Our children remember walking in the woods, drawing and coloring with me and dancing in the kitchen.They are now 19 and 16, and I scrub more now.

CoeyG
by on May. 17, 2012 at 5:10 PM
11 moms liked this

It is their home not your's if you don't like it then don't go there.  They have every right to not clean their home according to your standards if they so desire.  

Esmrlda
by Esme on May. 17, 2012 at 5:21 PM
4 moms liked this

 Could you afford to hire someone to go in and clean every other week?

CoeyG
by on May. 17, 2012 at 5:26 PM
6 moms liked this


Quoting Esmrlda:

 Could you afford to hire someone to go in and clean every other week?

It isn't her home.  Maybe they don't want someone coming in to clean.  She has no say in what goes on in their home.  

PuppetDani
by on May. 17, 2012 at 5:47 PM

are the kids clean? with clean clothing?

busygramma4
by on May. 17, 2012 at 8:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Invite the kids to your house more? 

                                      
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DesignGirl450
by Lynda on May. 17, 2012 at 9:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow, that is a tough one and I understand your concern about your grandkids living like that.   Have you talked to them about keeping things cleaner as she has children in the home?   If so, how have they reacted?

stuswf
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2012 at 10:36 PM
I have to agree with Coey on this one......it is your daughters home....as long as its not like a hoarder/safety issue it's just a personal preference on your part. As others have said, if it bothers you ask the kids over more.....if you'd like someone to help her clean ASK her if she would be interested....I know it's hard but we have to let our adult kids live their own lives ....
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desert1
by on May. 17, 2012 at 10:51 PM

Also agree there is not a thing for you to do. If she and her family chose to live that way, that their decision.

CoeyG
by on May. 18, 2012 at 12:45 AM

As long as the children are healthy and not endangered in any way then there is nothing to be done.  If the children are suffering ill health because of it then you need to call CPS.  

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