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I need advice. I have a grown, married daughter. She has a wonderful little family. She is a wonderful young lady--you would agree if you were to meet her. She is smart, witty, generous to a fault, loving and compassionate. She stays home with two children and lost a full term still born baby a short while back. My issue is this...she and her husband are absolute slobs.  THe house is extremely dirty. NOw, not so bad the kids would ever be taken away...no bugs anything. But, the toilets, tub, kitchen, floors...everywhere...is so dirty. I have been told it could be due to depression, but this has been going on for 10 yrs. I used to go there and clean myself to help out. It became upsetting b/c they never kept it up. They have had 2 brand new homes and you would not believe what they looked like after only 1 year. I tried "guilt", "encouraging", sharing "tips", etc. I am at a loss now. I just get so upset when I go there.  Anyone have ANY ideas?

 

by on May. 17, 2012 at 4:56 PM
Replies (141-147):
emptynstr
by Leanne on May. 23, 2012 at 9:38 AM

If as you say this subject has been brought up before, things are not going to change now.

Cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow...
For babies grow up,
we've learned to
our sorrow...
So quiet down cobwebs...
dust go to sleep...
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep!!

With kids, animals, jobs and life in general many of us live in less than pristine homes, but there is a huge differencebetween filth and mess. I have a SIL whose home always seemed dirty, but yet I would see her cleaning and mopping all the time, she just didn't do it to the same "standards" I did and I learned to live with it cause she was was the best Aunt my kids had.

CoeyG
by on May. 23, 2012 at 12:23 PM


Quoting trz031407:

I just have to say something. I'm almost 25, & I felt like you could be talking about me. Except the black stuff. We don't let our house get grimy, but scrubbing house isn't the top of my list.

Ok so after reading this & some responses, I got to scrubbing. Not much but enough to make me feel much happier. I'm SAHM too & I have 2 kids (5&1) as well. It's hard on me, I've always been depressed though. Some days I really don't feel like doing anything!! But when someone (in this case indirectly) points out my laziness I can usually use that as a good motivator. Not on their terms though, on mine. I get really upset at the initial belittling of me but then it burns inside & I go crazy on cleaning. So maybe tomorrow I'll come back to this thread just to keep me on my toes to remember to clean again!

I'd be very upset if CPS was at my door because my house was not clean to someone's liking.
Maybe she needs motivation.

Would you be very upset if your children were hospitliazed because their lungs had been damaged by black mold spores  Would you be damanged if the toxic air in your home killed your children?  I would perfer to be upset with CPS showing up at my door to remove my children from an environment that would if not kill them make them sick for the rest of their lives than I would for a doctor to tell me that my toddler would be o  oxygen for the rest of her/his life or that my 5 year old had to use an inhaler to get air into his/her lungs for the rest of their life.  

trz031407
by on May. 23, 2012 at 12:49 PM
Oh heck no! I know what you're saying. I'd offer to help get someone in to renovate & get that mold out of my kids house! I've never had that in my house so I don't know how you deal with getting it out but there must be professionals that can do it!

Is that what's happening to the OP's grand kids?

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting trz031407:

I just have to say something. I'm almost 25, & I felt like you could be talking about me. Except the black stuff. We don't let our house get grimy, but scrubbing house isn't the top of my list.



Ok so after reading this & some responses, I got to scrubbing. Not much but enough to make me feel much happier. I'm SAHM too & I have 2 kids (5&1) as well. It's hard on me, I've always been depressed though. Some days I really don't feel like doing anything!! But when someone (in this case indirectly) points out my laziness I can usually use that as a good motivator. Not on their terms though, on mine. I get really upset at the initial belittling of me but then it burns inside & I go crazy on cleaning. So maybe tomorrow I'll come back to this thread just to keep me on my toes to remember to clean again!



I'd be very upset if CPS was at my door because my house was not clean to someone's liking.


Maybe she needs motivation.

Would you be very upset if your children were hospitliazed because their lungs had been damaged by black mold spores  Would you be damanged if the toxic air in your home killed your children?  I would perfer to be upset with CPS showing up at my door to remove my children from an environment that would if not kill them make them sick for the rest of their lives than I would for a doctor to tell me that my toddler would be o  oxygen for the rest of her/his life or that my 5 year old had to use an inhaler to get air into his/her lungs for the rest of their life.  



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CoeyG
by on May. 23, 2012 at 4:34 PM


Quoting trz031407:

Oh heck no! I know what you're saying. I'd offer to help get someone in to renovate & get that mold out of my kids house! I've never had that in my house so I don't know how you deal with getting it out but there must be professionals that can do it!

Is that what's happening to the OP's grand kids?

Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting trz031407:

I just have to say something. I'm almost 25, & I felt like you could be talking about me. Except the black stuff. We don't let our house get grimy, but scrubbing house isn't the top of my list.



Ok so after reading this & some responses, I got to scrubbing. Not much but enough to make me feel much happier. I'm SAHM too & I have 2 kids (5&1) as well. It's hard on me, I've always been depressed though. Some days I really don't feel like doing anything!! But when someone (in this case indirectly) points out my laziness I can usually use that as a good motivator. Not on their terms though, on mine. I get really upset at the initial belittling of me but then it burns inside & I go crazy on cleaning. So maybe tomorrow I'll come back to this thread just to keep me on my toes to remember to clean again!



I'd be very upset if CPS was at my door because my house was not clean to someone's liking.


Maybe she needs motivation.

Would you be very upset if your children were hospitliazed because their lungs had been damaged by black mold spores  Would you be damanged if the toxic air in your home killed your children?  I would perfer to be upset with CPS showing up at my door to remove my children from an environment that would if not kill them make them sick for the rest of their lives than I would for a doctor to tell me that my toddler would be o  oxygen for the rest of her/his life or that my 5 year old had to use an inhaler to get air into his/her lungs for the rest of their life.  



You deal with it by having a "Hazmat" team come out and they literally tear the walls out of your home, they remove all of the insullation and basically start all over.  If there is black  mold growing in the bathtub where these children live then it is in the walls, in the floors and they are living in a toxic home and their health is going to suffer.  Their parents are as far as I am concerened guilty of endangering their children's lives, and for a grandmother to ask me in an earlier post how I could be able to do such a thing to my daughter and that she couldn't bring herself to call CPS I wonder how she feels knowing she is allowing her daughter to raise those children in a health hazard.  What kind of a grandparent would allow that to go on?

trz031407
by on May. 23, 2012 at 8:37 PM
I see. That's some crazy stuff & if it really truly is black mold they need to move post haste! Ick. I've got shivers.

I don't have mold anywhere but I'm still gonna bleach everything tomorrow! Yack.
I didn't know the OP meant her daughters house was THAT disgusting. I've seen toilets that are turned yucky colors but never truly black.


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting trz031407:

Oh heck no! I know what you're saying. I'd offer to help get someone in to renovate & get that mold out of my kids house! I've never had that in my house so I don't know how you deal with getting it out but there must be professionals that can do it!



Is that what's happening to the OP's grand kids?


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting trz031407:

I just have to say something. I'm almost 25, & I felt like you could be talking about me. Except the black stuff. We don't let our house get grimy, but scrubbing house isn't the top of my list.



Ok so after reading this & some responses, I got to scrubbing. Not much but enough to make me feel much happier. I'm SAHM too & I have 2 kids (5&1) as well. It's hard on me, I've always been depressed though. Some days I really don't feel like doing anything!! But when someone (in this case indirectly) points out my laziness I can usually use that as a good motivator. Not on their terms though, on mine. I get really upset at the initial belittling of me but then it burns inside & I go crazy on cleaning. So maybe tomorrow I'll come back to this thread just to keep me on my toes to remember to clean again!



I'd be very upset if CPS was at my door because my house was not clean to someone's liking.


Maybe she needs motivation.

Would you be very upset if your children were hospitliazed because their lungs had been damaged by black mold spores  Would you be damanged if the toxic air in your home killed your children?  I would perfer to be upset with CPS showing up at my door to remove my children from an environment that would if not kill them make them sick for the rest of their lives than I would for a doctor to tell me that my toddler would be o  oxygen for the rest of her/his life or that my 5 year old had to use an inhaler to get air into his/her lungs for the rest of their life.  




You deal with it by having a "Hazmat" team come out and they literally tear the walls out of your home, they remove all of the insullation and basically start all over.  If there is black  mold growing in the bathtub where these children live then it is in the walls, in the floors and they are living in a toxic home and their health is going to suffer.  Their parents are as far as I am concerened guilty of endangering their children's lives, and for a grandmother to ask me in an earlier post how I could be able to do such a thing to my daughter and that she couldn't bring herself to call CPS I wonder how she feels knowing she is allowing her daughter to raise those children in a health hazard.  What kind of a grandparent would allow that to go on?


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
CoeyG
by on May. 23, 2012 at 9:44 PM


Quoting trz031407:

I see. That's some crazy stuff & if it really truly is black mold they need to move post haste! Ick. I've got shivers.

I don't have mold anywhere but I'm still gonna bleach everything tomorrow! Yack.
I didn't know the OP meant her daughters house was THAT disgusting. I've seen toilets that are turned yucky colors but never truly black.


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting trz031407:

Oh heck no! I know what you're saying. I'd offer to help get someone in to renovate & get that mold out of my kids house! I've never had that in my house so I don't know how you deal with getting it out but there must be professionals that can do it!



Is that what's happening to the OP's grand kids?


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting trz031407:

I just have to say something. I'm almost 25, & I felt like you could be talking about me. Except the black stuff. We don't let our house get grimy, but scrubbing house isn't the top of my list.



Ok so after reading this & some responses, I got to scrubbing. Not much but enough to make me feel much happier. I'm SAHM too & I have 2 kids (5&1) as well. It's hard on me, I've always been depressed though. Some days I really don't feel like doing anything!! But when someone (in this case indirectly) points out my laziness I can usually use that as a good motivator. Not on their terms though, on mine. I get really upset at the initial belittling of me but then it burns inside & I go crazy on cleaning. So maybe tomorrow I'll come back to this thread just to keep me on my toes to remember to clean again!



I'd be very upset if CPS was at my door because my house was not clean to someone's liking.


Maybe she needs motivation.

Would you be very upset if your children were hospitliazed because their lungs had been damaged by black mold spores  Would you be damanged if the toxic air in your home killed your children?  I would perfer to be upset with CPS showing up at my door to remove my children from an environment that would if not kill them make them sick for the rest of their lives than I would for a doctor to tell me that my toddler would be o  oxygen for the rest of her/his life or that my 5 year old had to use an inhaler to get air into his/her lungs for the rest of their life.  




You deal with it by having a "Hazmat" team come out and they literally tear the walls out of your home, they remove all of the insullation and basically start all over.  If there is black  mold growing in the bathtub where these children live then it is in the walls, in the floors and they are living in a toxic home and their health is going to suffer.  Their parents are as far as I am concerened guilty of endangering their children's lives, and for a grandmother to ask me in an earlier post how I could be able to do such a thing to my daughter and that she couldn't bring herself to call CPS I wonder how she feels knowing she is allowing her daughter to raise those children in a health hazard.  What kind of a grandparent would allow that to go on?


Well the OP did say there was mold in the bath and it was black...

artistic_kitty
by on May. 24, 2012 at 2:51 PM

If there are health issues in the home that you know of and you don't call CPS then in the eyes of the law you are just as guilty as they are. But if you do call and voice your concerns and CPS chooses to investigate the claim and find that the childrene do need to be removed for a time, then the kids could potentionally be placed with you temporarily. They don't have to know that you were the ones to make the call. Some people need this kind of wake up call to see that it really is a serious issue that needs to be delt with. 

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