Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

do you really think you are that special to him?

Posted by on May. 21, 2012 at 5:39 PM
  • 18 Replies

Dear Girlfriend to my Grandkids Dad..

First off let's just get a couple things straight.   After your actions yesterday, I don't know that I can ever undo what you and your boyfriend did.  I can try to talk to my daughter and see if she will ever let her kids go up to their fathers house again.  If he has a problem with that, tell him to take her to court..... wait, too many warrants...   guess taking her to court won't work out that well for him will it?  He should probably work on paying his fines and getting (or start after 4 years) his child support paid. 

When my oldest grandson is in the car with you and your BF,  you DO NOT get to YELL at my daughter on the phone about her being late to pick up her son.  There was an accident on the freeway on the way up, and I don't care what kind of phone you have and if you checked the traffic...We were the ones sitting in the traffic for 40 mins. As soon as we hit the back up she sent a picture and a text (knowing that you were not in a hot spot for reception) letting you know that we were going to be late So the phone call to my daughter from your boyfriend yelling at her about being f*@#*@g late was unnecessary.  Then for you to get on the line and Yell at my daughter about being a rude b*&^h and being disrespectful by being late, also uncalled for.  My grandson was in the car with you... who do you think you are?   You are yelling at his mom... How is that okay?  It's not. 

You are just daddys' girlfriend.  You are not married and you have no say in the rearing of the 3 kids.  Yes the past may be the past with mommy and daddy, but it's a HUGE part of your future, should you choose to stick around.  My guess is the same thing that drove mommy and daddy apart will also be the demise of your relationship.  One day you two will probably have a kid.  While you are in labor, he will be so put off by having to be there for you and help you through the back labor.  He would rather just sit and talk with his sisters and dad.  That is if he's not too stoned, if he's stoned, good luck.  You won't get him to budge.  Then comes the helping out around the house.  You'll be working full time and he will be sitting on his ass collecting his unemployment,  all the while the dishes are piling up, Laundry isn't getting done, But man oh man is he kickin ass at Call of Duty Black Ops...  you will ask him to help you one morning, but because he is so into his game all he will do is get pissed off at you for interrupting him.  You will tell him to leave...  He will.  He will go running back to his mom, (since that's about the only place he would be able to stay by now)  He won't call you for about 6 days.  He won't return any of your phone calls,  you won't know if he is in town or up at his moms.   Then he will want to get back together,  you'll try, but all the while he will be on one of those dating web sites looking for his next gf... 

Good luck with that.  Then maybe just maybe you will understand why my daughter is the way she is.  And this isn't even everything, there is so much more... Has he come home so drunk and stoned at 3am and thrown your phone against the wall and smashed it so you can't make any phone calls?  So you run out of the house with just your keys and the baby and you are so scared that he will chase you that you keep the baby in your lap just to get away?  Again good luck.  Defend him all you want.  But again YOU have NO RIGHT TO YELL AT MY DAUGHTER  you are a nobody to her.  and because of your actions yesterday, my daughters children will NOT be coming up to see daddy again.  If he wants to see them then he will have to come down.  You may as well just stay up there.  don't bother coming down, my grandchildren don't want to see you... you Yell at their mommy.......

by on May. 21, 2012 at 5:39 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
CoeyG
by on May. 21, 2012 at 6:07 PM

You are the mother of the guy's ex...you need to stay out of the relationship happenings between your daughter and her ex and his girlfriend.  If your daughter has a problem with the way her ex's girlfriend treats her whether in person or over the phone she needs to express that problem, you should not be running interferance.  If she chooses to not express having a problem BUTT OUT.  Yes these are your grandchildren, but they are your daughter's and her ex's children, not your's.  You have no business butting into the ex's relationships, they do not concern you period.  You are nobody to your daughter's ex's girlfriend.  

Shellness
by Michell on May. 21, 2012 at 6:54 PM
1 mom liked this

 Good vent. I hope it helped you! Sounds stressful and hurtful :(

Guess your daughter won't be dropping the kiddo's off and picking them up anymore. Hope not anyway. If he wants to see them, make him come get them and bring them back. Sounds like she was trying to do the right thing.

I'm sorry he's not good to her and is the way he is. It hurts to see our children and Grandchildren be treated badly. I would suggest praying for HIM!! I hope he changes for their sake.

What goes around comes around. Just keep that in mind.

nana9106
by Darlene on May. 21, 2012 at 7:55 PM
Great vent!
Hopefully the GF with be history before too long.
Try to relax a little. He (and she) will get it....eventually
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LadySaphira
by Lisa on May. 21, 2012 at 8:19 PM

We all need a good vent sometimes.

CoeyG
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:24 PM
1 mom liked this

And what will happen if this girl winds up being step mother to Op's grandkids?  As far as the guy taking her to court if she keeps the kids from their court appointed visitations with their father he doesn't have to go to court...all he needs would be a lawyer to petition the court and she will be held in contempt for not complaying with a court order...there will be a warrant out for her.  Child support and visitations are two different things so is each ex partner's personal life.  Better this grandmother let her daughter speak for herself and if she doesn't speak up then grandma needs to put the blame in it's proper place...not on the ex son in law or his girlfriend.  I agree she shouldn't have been yelling like that over the phone to anyone...but don't ferget granma, your daughter chose him to make babies with to begin with.  

EireLass
by Gold Member on May. 21, 2012 at 9:14 PM

According to your vent, I can tell you that he is totally into the girlfriend. The fact that she is so involved tells that he is a lazy parent who chose the girlfriend as one who would pick up the slack for him, which she seems happy to do. The best thing your daughter can do is to have no communication with the girlfriend at all. Keep all communication with the father of the children, as he is the one responsible for them. If he chooses to not communicate, then he is saying he's not available for visits.

CoeyG
by on May. 21, 2012 at 9:53 PM


Quoting EireLass:

According to your vent, I can tell you that he is totally into the girlfriend. The fact that she is so involved tells that he is a lazy parent who chose the girlfriend as one who would pick up the slack for him, which she seems happy to do. The best thing your daughter can do is to have no communication with the girlfriend at all. Keep all communication with the father of the children, as he is the one responsible for them. If he chooses to not communicate, then he is saying he's not available for visits.

This, totally

caro100
by Carol on May. 22, 2012 at 2:13 AM

Sad, wish it was better for you and your daughter.

nybor48
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2012 at 10:14 AM

It did help to write it out, thank you.  I wish my daughter would write something to help her.  If I hadn't been there to witness the entire thing unfold, I probably wouldn't be so upset by it.  but this is just a vent, and nothing that I would ever send.

Quoting Shellness:

 Good vent. I hope it helped you! Sounds stressful and hurtful :(

Guess your daughter won't be dropping the kiddo's off and picking them up anymore. Hope not anyway. If he wants to see them, make him come get them and bring them back. Sounds like she was trying to do the right thing.

I'm sorry he's not good to her and is the way he is. It hurts to see our children and Grandchildren be treated badly. I would suggest praying for HIM!! I hope he changes for their sake.

What goes around comes around. Just keep that in mind.


nybor48
by Bronze Member on May. 22, 2012 at 10:27 AM

I understand what you are saying.  There is no court order etc....  My daughter does speak for herself, and if I ever did say anything to either the ex or his gf she tells me to back off, I just get extremely upset to watch my grandkids act out and my daughter get so upset that her blood pressure skyrockets.  If I don't vent my feelings somewhere, I will explode. 

 My daughter has tried everything to get him to be a dad, sadly when they do go to see him, it's just an extended play date.  he doesn't parent them.  the CS is a totally different problem.   as for the GF becoming the step mom? ......  she very well may, but the thing none of them really understand is that my daughter and her ex really never had closure with thier relationship and while neither would or could get back together, they still love each other so it adds to their tension, which in turn adds to the kids stress.  Which me being the helicopter gramma... adds to my stress.  me being mom and gramma, I just want their lives to be good without all the stress and problems.

Quoting CoeyG:

And what will happen if this girl winds up being step mother to Op's grandkids?  As far as the guy taking her to court if she keeps the kids from their court appointed visitations with their father he doesn't have to go to court...all he needs would be a lawyer to petition the court and she will be held in contempt for not complaying with a court order...there will be a warrant out for her.  Child support and visitations are two different things so is each ex partner's personal life.  Better this grandmother let her daughter speak for herself and if she doesn't speak up then grandma needs to put the blame in it's proper place...not on the ex son in law or his girlfriend.  I agree she shouldn't have been yelling like that over the phone to anyone...but don't ferget granma, your daughter chose him to make babies with to begin with.  


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)