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Still depressed over son's girlfriend

Posted by on May. 21, 2012 at 6:57 PM
  • 52 Replies

I'm really trying hard to keep my feelings about my 18 year old's girlfriend to myself but with each sleepless night I get more depressed about it. He started dating a girl who has been chasing him for 3 years. Not only does she use the F word, a word that I told him years ago that I don't like and have never heard him use,  she doesn't treat her single mom well and now I found out that she likes to get drunk on occasion with her girlfriends. My son doesn't drink so he isn't around when this happens. We took her to his graduation and out to lunch afterwards, she can't even carry on a conversation. Besides all of that she weighs at least 100 pounds more than him so with all of this I am having a really hard time seeing the attraction. Of course being a boy he doesn't divulge any information about their relationship but I know he and she talk about marriage after college-more fuel for my sleepless nights. I know he is going away to college in a few months and am praying that this all goes away then but I am so frustrated that I don't know if I can keep being polite much longer and also keep my feelings in check.

by on May. 21, 2012 at 6:57 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CoeyG
by on May. 21, 2012 at 7:04 PM
7 moms liked this

Sorry mom this is his choice not your's and it isn't up to you to like her or her choice of language, etc.  He is a big boy, his friendships and relationships are not always going to revolve around you and whether you approve or not.  If you are sleeping nights, that is your problem, not his and not the problem of the girl.  Maybe you should learn something about accepting people as they are rather than as you want them to be.  

EireLass
by Gold Member on May. 21, 2012 at 7:58 PM

I was a single Mom. With each of my kids (son & daughter). We (me and the other child) were very honest with the one dating, about our view on them. They were both taught that every person they dated was a potential spouse, so choose wisely.

raegan1221
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree that it's his choice but my guess is that once he goes off to college he'll probably realize he'll want to be single and live it up while there.

nana9106
by Darlene on May. 21, 2012 at 8:00 PM
8 moms liked this
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.
I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.
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ShesMizBehavin
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:06 PM

THIS! I am a good 60lbs more than my husband, and he finds me quite attractive. He is a good looking guy with a good job, very successful etc. So by your standards he shouldn't be attracted to an overweight person? Maybe your son doesn't want to talk about it with you because he knows you are judgement?

Quoting nana9106:

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.
I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.


Devoted wife and Mommy to 2 beautiful boys, and baby on the way!

LadySaphira
by Lisa on May. 21, 2012 at 8:10 PM

I agree, her size should have absolutly nothing to do with whether you like her or not. As far as the drinking is concerned that is her choice, her life. As far as her using the F word is concerned...take her aside and telling her nicely that you find the word vulgar/offensive and to please not use it around you. If she uses elsewhere that is also her choice

Quoting nana9106:

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.
I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.


Click on my siggy to help find a cure for cancer!

CoeyG
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:13 PM
2 moms liked this


Quoting ShesMizBehavin:

THIS! I am a good 60lbs more than my husband, and he finds me quite attractive. He is a good looking guy with a good job, very successful etc. So by your standards he shouldn't be attracted to an overweight person? Maybe your son doesn't want to talk about it with you because he knows you are judgement?

Quoting nana9106:

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.
I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.


My sentiments exactly.  I find it very offensive that she would even bring this up as if her body size is any indicatio as to what kind of person she is inside.  Obviously this mother isn't all that great of a person inside to make comments about this girl's weight.  

KittenKrump
by on May. 21, 2012 at 8:27 PM
2 moms liked this

Ha! Was this written by my MIL a few years ago? She thinks I can't hold a proper conversation because I am not interested in the things she is. I don't want to spend three hours talking about farm equipment and what she saw at the closest thrift store. She also thinks I am not nice to my mother because my mother and I are friends and she just can't possibly see how I can be respectful of my mother when I don't cow to her every request. Maybe the things you are seeing are completely different than what is actually happening. She could really be the most awesome girl and be smart and funny and everything your son has ever wanted, but you can't get over how different she is than you. You can't control who he dates, sorry! And how in the Hell does her weight even have baring on the conversation?!? This girl could be your future DIL, you might want to think about that. And not trying to be mean, fyi, but come one, that weight comment was a little petty.

nana9106
by Darlene on May. 21, 2012 at 8:30 PM
It just sounds as though the OP is looking for things not to like about the GF.
I'm not sure that judging her as 'not a good person' is right.
It is hard to see your son choose someone over you.
But she should look past the GF's weight, because weight should NOT be a factor in weather or not you like someone. And she should try to find something good about the GF to focus on.


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting ShesMizBehavin:

THIS! I am a good 60lbs more than my husband, and he finds me quite attractive. He is a good looking guy with a good job, very successful etc. So by your standards he shouldn't be attracted to an overweight person? Maybe your son doesn't want to talk about it with you because he knows you are judgement?

Quoting nana9106:

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.

I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.


My sentiments exactly.  I find it very offensive that she would even bring this up as if her body size is any indicatio as to what kind of person she is inside.  Obviously this mother isn't all that great of a person inside to make comments about this girl's weight.  

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caro100
by Carol on May. 22, 2012 at 2:24 AM

How old is this girlfriend?  If she's still in highschool I would be talking to the parents about their girl's underage drinking.  If she is older than him and isn't underage, then you just need to talk to your son about not choosing to drink when he's around her.  I too hate the f bomb, unfortunately I have a houseful of young adults that get started playing video games and  start using the f bomb, I have to go in and threaten to turn off the games, because after all it is my house and my electricity.  Tell your son that the f bomb is not allowed in your house and he needs to tell her that, he might even tell her that she embarrassed him in front of you and even if she doesn't get along with her Mom, she needs to respect you by using appropriate language.  You also might suggest to him that it is a red flag on  poor  trreatment of him in the future.  He needs to go to dr. dobsons website and  look at some of their pamphlets on red flags on relationships, wish I had known about it myself before I married.

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