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Still depressed over son's girlfriend

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I'm really trying hard to keep my feelings about my 18 year old's girlfriend to myself but with each sleepless night I get more depressed about it. He started dating a girl who has been chasing him for 3 years. Not only does she use the F word, a word that I told him years ago that I don't like and have never heard him use,  she doesn't treat her single mom well and now I found out that she likes to get drunk on occasion with her girlfriends. My son doesn't drink so he isn't around when this happens. We took her to his graduation and out to lunch afterwards, she can't even carry on a conversation. Besides all of that she weighs at least 100 pounds more than him so with all of this I am having a really hard time seeing the attraction. Of course being a boy he doesn't divulge any information about their relationship but I know he and she talk about marriage after college-more fuel for my sleepless nights. I know he is going away to college in a few months and am praying that this all goes away then but I am so frustrated that I don't know if I can keep being polite much longer and also keep my feelings in check.

by on May. 21, 2012 at 6:57 PM
Replies (21-30):
PuppetDani
by on May. 22, 2012 at 9:45 AM
1 mom liked this

His life is just that his life. As hard as it is sometimes you have to let him live it.

shjchica
by on May. 22, 2012 at 9:49 AM

 I too took offense to the comment about this girls weight. What difference does it make if she is heavier then your son? Maybe he likes bigger girls? Get over it!

Quoting nana9106:

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.
I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.

 

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MakinBabies
by on May. 22, 2012 at 9:55 AM

 Keep it up, and your son will be the next Norman Bates.

mt0130
by on May. 22, 2012 at 10:40 AM


Quoting hugss:

While yes it is his chopice,
College may be the answer to it all.
So hang onto that & keep reminding him how fabuolus college will be .
Good luck & let us know how things are going :)

Thank you for your encouragement. Most of the posts other posts have been quite negative towards me. I am not a bad person, I am trying to be open minded about this but it is hard after you raise your child and see them make choices that you feel are not appropriate. I have always been polite to the girl whenever we are in her company and will continue to do so. I will wait to see what happens in college, if after college they are still dating then so be it.

hugss
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by on May. 22, 2012 at 11:12 AM

Have been in your shoes a few times, LOL
Luckily enough my ds actually listened eventually <g>
So here is hoping :)

Quoting mt0130:


Quoting hugss:

While yes it is his chopice,
College may be the answer to it all.
So hang onto that & keep reminding him how fabuolus college will be .
Good luck & let us know how things are going :)

Thank you for your encouragement. Most of the posts other posts have been quite negative towards me. I am not a bad person, I am trying to be open minded about this but it is hard after you raise your child and see them make choices that you feel are not appropriate. I have always been polite to the girl whenever we are in her company and will continue to do so. I will wait to see what happens in college, if after college they are still dating then so be it.



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busygramma4
by on May. 22, 2012 at 1:59 PM

 I agree

Quoting nana9106:

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with this. But who he dates is HIS decision.
I have to say though that I personally am offended by your comment about her weight. Good for your son for being able to look past body image and seeing something more. You should too.

 

corkeyw4
by on May. 22, 2012 at 2:02 PM

From my own experience, you have to rely on your son's judgement.  I went through one girlfriend that called me a "b" and it hurt that my son would let this happen.  She even called the cops on me once because I was trying to have a conversation with my son and he did nothing.  But I stayed in the shadows for him and the day he called me to pick him up because he hadn't eaten in three days because she had spent his paycheck on things for her, he realized who had his back.  I hope it works out for you, it did for me (worst two years of my life) but now he is engaged to a woman that is  right for him. (and I love her)

KittyGram
by Becky on May. 22, 2012 at 2:19 PM

 

Quoting mt0130:

 

Quoting hugss:

While yes it is his chopice,
College may be the answer to it all.
So hang onto that & keep reminding him how fabuolus college will be .
Good luck & let us know how things are going :)

Thank you for your encouragement. Most of the posts other posts have been quite negative towards me. I am not a bad person, I am trying to be open minded about this but it is hard after you raise your child and see them make choices that you feel are not appropriate. I have always been polite to the girl whenever we are in her company and will continue to do so. I will wait to see what happens in college, if after college they are still dating then so be it.

You may be polite to her whenever you see her, but she probably can FEEL the tension.  Words don't cover up body language, and I'll bet she still knows how you feel. 

I sympathize with you (or empathize, whichever is the correct word) - my daughter dated enough bums in her life (and although her fiance is by far the best one to date, he's probably still not the one I would choose for her, IF any part of it was my decision).  And I wish your son all the best, but honestly, when the other posters have said it's HIS choice, they're absolutely right. 

All you can do is hang on tight and "enjoy" the ride. 

CoeyG
by on May. 22, 2012 at 2:43 PM

You say that this girl has been "chasing' your son for three years....If your son didn't like the attention she gives him he would have told her to get lost three years ago.  Obviously he has encouraged her attention...that's not her fault that is your son's fault.  And again, while he may be living under your roof he is still an adutl and still has the right to have his own friends whether you approve of thm or not.  As parents we don't always approve of those our children choose to associate with however we can only hope that by they time they reach 18 years of age they know enough to make their own choices and just because she cusses and is as you seem to think weighs to much and goes out an paarties with her girlfriends doesn't make her a bad person.  She is young and that is when one should party...because soon she is going to have to start settling down and being a responsible adult...and just because she parties now doesn't mean she is going to be that same party girl 5-10+ years on down the raod.  I was a much bigger partier than she is when I was 18., I some how managed to raise an intelligent productive responsible child to adulthood because I had the time to party when I was younger and didn't miss it when I became a wife and a mother and settled down.  Who we are at 18 isn't necessarily who we are going to be at 38...your son may turn out to be the wild one once he is in college and party, binge drink, get into drugs.  Then it will be her parents worrying about their daughter and the low life guy she has been seeing...remember, what goes around comes around mom...Karma is a Bitch

KittenKrump
by on May. 22, 2012 at 6:35 PM

Wait, using the f bomb is a sign of future mistreatment or not respecting his mother? I disagree on both fronts, but I really need to know which one I should defend.

Quoting caro100:

How old is this girlfriend?  If she's still in highschool I would be talking to the parents about their girl's underage drinking.  If she is older than him and isn't underage, then you just need to talk to your son about not choosing to drink when he's around her.  I too hate the f bomb, unfortunately I have a houseful of young adults that get started playing video games and  start using the f bomb, I have to go in and threaten to turn off the games, because after all it is my house and my electricity.  Tell your son that the f bomb is not allowed in your house and he needs to tell her that, he might even tell her that she embarrassed him in front of you and even if she doesn't get along with her Mom, she needs to respect you by using appropriate language.  You also might suggest to him that it is a red flag on  poor  treatment of him in the future.  He needs to go to dr. dobsons website and  look at some of their pamphlets on red flags on relationships, wish I had known about it myself before I married.


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