a daughter in law school who feels her summer money should be her own HELP
My daughter is 22 years old and just finished her first year of law school. she has a paid internship (which are very hard to come by) in NYC. unfortunately with the 4 hour commute, she hates it. So, to make a long story short, she feels that she should be able to do what she wants with the pay checks as she is putting in a 16 hour day (just wait until she is an attorney) it is just her and I and we are extremely close. this is the first fight we have ever had, and it is a huge one! i told her that she can go out and do fun things on the weekend, but she has to put some money away for her expenses at school. She says that i should have NO say in what she does with her pay checks. i realize that she has been living away form home for almost 6 years now at school, and she feels that i am totally controlling
any advice?????
If you support her, or pay for her school or room and board, then I agree that you can in good conscience hold back on financial support at age 22. She is old enough to provide for herself. Whether she hates the job or not doesn't matter. It is just the two of you, and you should be able to spend your money on yourself.
Quoting fran1123:seriously? i guess i assumed wrong when i joined this chat! and to think this was supposed to be a supportive environment? this is very disappointingm when i get comments like "butt out" and others.
i can get more support from a stranger on the street!
your daughter is 22 years old. She has a paid internship. From your post, you don't explain whether or not you are supporting her financially in any way other than she has been living away from home for almost 6 years. If she is totally independent financially, then yes, I agree with your daughter that you should have no say in what she does with her paychecks. If you were merely making a suggestion, that's one thing, but if you have been footing the bill on her expenses, then I agree with the others she should be helping there. If she is totally financially independent, though, you don't have any say-so in what she does with her paychecks.
This group is very supportive and a helpful place to vent; but if you just want everyone to agree with you on every topic, this is not the right group! I'm not sure that strangers on the street would even agree with you 100% of the time!
Quoting fran1123:seriously? i guess i assumed wrong when i joined this chat! and to think this was supposed to be a supportive environment? this is very disappointingm when i get comments like "butt out" and others.
i can get more support from a stranger on the street!
Too bad you're not getting the answers that you want. My advice, take your problems to the street then.
Are you paying for her school? If you are in any way, shape or form, tell her okay, and then cut her financial support about the same amount as she's getting paid. You can't have your cake and eat it too...and considering how far she's come, you've more than done your due diligence.
But if you aren't financially supporting her at all...then let her be. She'll learn the hard way like most of us did.
Quoting mik1of3:Are you paying for her school? If you are in any way, shape or form, tell her okay, and then cut her financial support about the same amount as she's getting paid. You can't have your cake and eat it too...and considering how far she's come, you've more than done your due diligence.
But if you aren't financially supporting her at all...then let her be. She'll learn the hard way like most of us did.
I pretty much said this as well. If she is working and paying for her own educaton then whatever she has left over is her's to decide what to do with it, she's a grown up now, she gets to spend her money her way. She no longer has to follow mommie's rules. Op needs to get over herself.
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Congrats to your dd for finishing her first year of law school,
And having a paid internship.
You can *suggest* all sorts of things what she can do wtih her paycheck.
However ultimately it is her choce.
Hope you two get over this ..
Good luck & let us know how it goes ;)
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I'm sorry about the lack of percieved support, but we're confused and just need more information. 1. Are you paying for her schooling? 2. Are you paying for her books and expenses.? 3. Is she living at home? If any of those are true, its my opinion that yes, she should be saving some money for her expenses to alleviate the burden on you. She should have some say, because of her age, but she should be helping with her education. What does the DAD say? Or is he not around. Give us another chance.
yes, she has student loans, but i am a single parent and i pay for all her expenses, books, insurance, credit card etc. what i meant when i said that she has lived away for 6 years, i was referring to her being away at college and now law school. she is home for the summers. my point was that when you have a child who has lived away and is now used to answering to no one, it becomes difficult when they do come home. i understand that she is growing up, but she is not there yet. she is not out on her own having to be responsible with a full time job etc. I know she kills herself in law school and she feels that she deserves to spend 400 on a tory burch bag, but i feel that she has to learn when to put away money and have some saved for school. for example, the law school cafeteria is not open on the weekends, so you can figure a good 60-70 right there on going out for food, etc.
How often are you in contact with your kids?
- fran1123
on Jun. 27, 2012 at 11:13 AM