When my younger son was a teen I was torn between wanting to kick him out and wanting him to stay home. When he graduated from college he was easier to live with, and then of course, and rightfully, he wanted to spread his wings and live on his own. I was sorry to see that part of my life ending, but on the other hand, now I don't have that immediate responsibility. Have you experienced a range of emotions about your adult children leaving the nest?
My daughter sputtered trying to leave the nest until she was 26. At that time, my son was 16. When he moved off to college just shy of turning 18, I felt that empty nest hit me HARD. I'm a single mom, too. Right after he left, I downsized from a 2-bedroom to a 1-bedroom apartment and I remember standing in the kitchen, all by myself (well still with the 2 cats so not totally alone) but I was overcome with this feeling of "Was I REALLY a full-time mom for 28 years of my life???" At that point, it almost felt like it could have been a dream! I have knick knacks of both kids all over - on the fridge, on the table, on the bookshelf, etc. and of course I know it was real but still felt odd to be just me "all of a sudden like."
Now I'm quite used to it being 4 years later. But now I am entering a new phase - that of "I don't have to send my son an allowance anymore!" yay! Most of you know I've been sending him $$ every month the last 4 years so now not having to do that - well - this feels odd!!!! It hasn't quite hit me yet though - give me a month or so.
When Shannon lived with me after becoming an adult that is the way I treated her. She was expected to pay half of the rent an either one of the bills or chip in a bit towaqrds all of the bills and chip in for groceries as well. When I worked and she worked we were able to maintain a fairly nice lifestlyle. We weren't rich we were just a bit above the poverty level but we would go on day trips. I knew I would have to tighten my belt when she left the nest, and she has leanred a bit about getting hit when you're already down as well LOL. I always enjoyed having her around though, even when we'd argue we got what we wanted out and then moved on from there. And now after her being "on her own" since December we are again talking about getting a place together. Not because I can't live without my "baby" and she can't live without "Mommie" but because we are friends, we get along, we are so much alike and always have been. Even her father has said that Shannon is less like my daughter and more like my clone. LOL.
I don't like the idea of her being thought of as a "spinster" living with her mother for the rest of her life but I think I've brushed upon this before, she is Bi and doesn't desire to get into any long term relationships. She doesn't want to have babies, she doesn't like them. She enjoys small children and has thought about when she gets settled in her work she will look into adoption. She would like to have me around to help her with that. She wants to be a single parent with a "back up" LOL. And while I won't take over raising a child I would help on occasion. But then I have mixed emotions about living with her again. I enjoy being on my own as much as I enjoyed having her here.
In a sense Shannon's hip problem was probably a good thing for us both, we get a little more time to figure out the dynamics of our relationship as crazy as it is.
It is lovely that you two have a friendly relationship now. My sister lives in a small addition to my parents' house that they originally built for my grandma. My sister is a single lady, and moved there after Grandma died. She helps with utilities and yard care and other household tasks, and Mom cooks for her and is company for her when she wants it. It has worked out well for them.
Quoting CoeyG:When Shannon lived with me after becoming an adult that is the way I treated her. She was expected to pay half of the rent an either one of the bills or chip in a bit towaqrds all of the bills and chip in for groceries as well. When I worked and she worked we were able to maintain a fairly nice lifestlyle. We weren't rich we were just a bit above the poverty level but we would go on day trips. I knew I would have to tighten my belt when she left the nest, and she has leanred a bit about getting hit when you're already down as well LOL. I always enjoyed having her around though, even when we'd argue we got what we wanted out and then moved on from there. And now after her being "on her own" since December we are again talking about getting a place together. Not because I can't live without my "baby" and she can't live without "Mommie" but because we are friends, we get along, we are so much alike and always have been. Even her father has said that Shannon is less like my daughter and more like my clone. LOL.
I don't like the idea of her being thought of as a "spinster" living with her mother for the rest of her life but I think I've brushed upon this before, she is Bi and doesn't desire to get into any long term relationships. She doesn't want to have babies, she doesn't like them. She enjoys small children and has thought about when she gets settled in her work she will look into adoption. She would like to have me around to help her with that. She wants to be a single parent with a "back up" LOL. And while I won't take over raising a child I would help on occasion. But then I have mixed emotions about living with her again. I enjoy being on my own as much as I enjoyed having her here.
In a sense Shannon's hip problem was probably a good thing for us both, we get a little more time to figure out the dynamics of our relationship as crazy as it is.
When my oldest daughter left, it was because she left with a abusive person that I almost literally lost my mind. My older son I was glad to see him out on his own as he was a VERY hard one to raise (love him though, lol) my younger son is now gone and its a little bitter sweet but I am glad for him. I have one more left. I'll miss her a lot I know but I hope all of her dreams come true and when she leaves its for all the right reasons.
Then I am going to walk around the house in just my panties for the rest of my life, lol!!
my dd moved out when she was 19, she had one child. yes that upset me a little. she moved back when she was 23... with 3 kids. aaaahhhhhh... She's back out now, but boy what a year.
My son moved 2 states away when he was 20 with his gf. they came back a year later. (he was going to school) both got jobs, had a baby (4 weeks ago) and are now in the process of buying a house, so by the end of August they will be moving out again...
I love when they are all here, and I would never force them to leave, but when they are all gone, I know that I will only have myself or my hubby to blame for the messes...lol
Quoting Shellness:When my oldest daughter left, it was because she left with a abusive person that I almost literally lost my mind. My older son I was glad to see him out on his own as he was a VERY hard one to raise (love him though, lol) my younger son is now gone and its a little bitter sweet but I am glad for him. I have one more left. I'll miss her a lot I know but I hope all of her dreams come true and when she leaves its for all the right reasons.
Then I am going to walk around the house in just my panties for the rest of my life, lol!!
Justin turned 18 and graduated the same week, moved out the next, it was a shock but he is responsible and has done well.
I sometimes wish the boys would move out and start their 'adult' lives but would miss them terribly. besides Joey will be leaving soon enough for the AF and I expect Jesse to be moving out by Oct. Just a hunch.
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Both my sons were in & out for awhile after college,
Then they both left with a couple of months of each other ::gasp::
That was difficult.
Now all is good :)
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He did it!!! Anthony graduated!!!
- Bmat
on Jul. 2, 2012 at 3:59 PM