Helping vs. enabling struggling daughter & son-in-law
My husband & I helped them with some of their bills when son-in-law was still working, but have stopped short of paying their rent or letting them move in with us. We and other family members feel our advice, encouragement, and financial assistance has been mostly squandered, and we do not want to further enable them to sit on their duffs expecting others to take care of them.
We have stayed in close contact with them over the past 3 years, in large part due to concern for the grandkids. We are accustomed to seeing them every week or so. It's hard not to see them now. My husband & I have talked about letting my daughter & kids move in with us, but I feel she would take it all for granted, continue her laziness, & it would only prolong their financial irresponsibility. So we wait to see what will happen.
It's really hard to hold back and watch, hoping they will figure out a way to support themselves and get their acts together. Its especially hard for me to comprehend their inaction, since I have been a single mom in the past who went back to school & work to support several children after divorce. I didn't sit around feeling sorry for myself or expect anyone to bail us out. I was, however, 20 years older, at the time, than my daughter is now. So I had some maturity and experience that she doesn't yet have.
Would appreciate comments from moms with similar experiences. Thanks.