hello all,
Im new to this website and looking for some advice from women who have adult children...ok :-/ im 28 years old and i had a horrible childhood. more bad than good. my father was married when i was conceived and my mom eventhough she states she didnt know..im sure she did...my father had a wife and kids..to which he never told of me until i was almost 18..She allowed him in/out of my life..verbal abuse..promises made..she never guarded me from that..never went after him for child support evnthough he was wealthy. He promised to pay for my college, then left me 3 days before tuition was due and said he had a family to care for and he told my mom to have an abortion! ouch! he cussed me..and we havent spoken since..my mom..well lets just say she married a schizo. growing up he beat her..and me while tried to defend her..she never left him til i went to college. He once..made me eat oatmeal knowing i was allergic and i vomited and was beaten for it. my GRANDPARENTS noticed the abuse i suffered.my mom was negligent and didnt care..she was a career woman..she wasnt the supportive mom i needed.very verbally abusive..soemtimes she would cuss me out and i would be crying and for nothing..she was and still is a hothead.
i ended up leaving HOME..finishing school with 30k loans..ugh!!!....i stopped talking to her for 2 years..that whole time im the bad person to my whole family! can i say i felt good? and i didnt want to ever speak to her again. i only did when my grandfather fell ill..he begged me..to remedy the situation..i ended up moving back home with her to go back to school again for nursing..and its the same thing again! the verbal abuse.bitch this ..that..you are sad...you need a shrink..i mean some stuff she has said..its horrible. im 2 years away from graduating RN school. IM so tired of this. you would think after 2 years she would change..NADA.. can you also believe she still has contact with my dad? and never told him he was wrong for what was done to me? she says oh well not my problem! YOU CREATED THE PROBLEM.!!
im at the point of wiping her out of my life completely. just saying forget it. move out eventhough im still in hard as heck RN school and just moving on...She has never been the mothering type. I didnt have a good childhood and i left her for that reason she will not ever recognize how wrong she did me..as for my dad well its been 8 years since we lost spoke when he said he never wanted me. Emotionally im done. if you cant support me when im down and all the hell ive been put through..
im at the point of never having her around either.
Please be strong, have faith and I will be saying some prayers for you... Bless!!! : - )
My father has always been rigid with us (his 5 daughters) has never helped with college, paid for or attended our weddings & has no relationship with his daughters or 8 grandchildren. He has not done the best he was able & did not keep his daughters safe. He was brutal & used fists & boots! I was the first to leave home & have always kept two to four thousand miles between us. I used to feel hatred for him, but that kept me a prisoner of that cycle of hate. So I've struggled to find forgiveness & at this point feel mostly pity for him.
You choose your journey. You choose whether or not you'll allow yourself to be a victim of hatred & negative emotion. There is another path. There are friends waiting to meet you & a life waiting for you to jump in! How much distance you have from your parents is your choice, not theirs.
Your life, your choice!
Yes you are right cut ties. Life is what you make it and it sounds like you're ready to move on. Family is not always blood thick. I'm sure you will make your family soon. Weclome to the group!
LLICE advice was well said.
However I have my own advice to give as well.
I too had an awful relationship with my mother. After many, many years of giving her another chance at 48 I finally said "you can't be a part of my life anymore." She was extremely toxic, hateful and manipulative. The last time I saw her was at my younger daughter's high school graduation. I can't say I miss her. I do however miss my father who I had a fantastic relationship with. He died 11 years ago. He was not married to my mother but had remarried many years ago. I do not blame anyone for my life's circumstances. I am the one who decides my happiness.
My life is good and I made my life what it is. Stop blaming your parents if you feel your life is terrible. Your too old for that now, and not a child anymore.
Yes, you have student loans. I help my daughter's out with college but I'll be damned if I'll take all of it on. It's their education, not mine. Get over the idea that you are owed anything. Get your degree and start your career and then enjoy it.
How often are you in contact with your kids?
- yogibearmom
on Aug. 6, 2012 at 12:38 AM