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Cafe Mom "virgin" :)

Posted by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 10:06 PM
  • 15 Replies
Hi Moms, I'm a FT RN & mom to a 22 yo girl, oh, & my 47 yo son/husband. Sometimes I don't know if I'm his wife or mother. Daughter works evenings, I work days. She's in college too. Husband owns his own company, has flexible hours. Enough to go fishing, hunting, & umpire sports as he wants. I work, cook, clean, am CEO of the household, & am lonely. He's here, but ALWAYS on the computer working or blogging or volunteering or watching TV. He's a workaholic, good with financial support, pretty good stepdad; but horrible at emotional closeness. Married x 17 yrs. I'm tired, need to wash dishes, finish laundry. A shower before 11:00 would be a miracle. He doesn't cook or clean or anything. But will order dinner out every night if I wanted. Thanks for letting me vent. Feel a little foolish for complaining.
by on Aug. 7, 2012 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 1:09 AM

Welcome to the group, as for your husband, have you tried sitting down and talking to him?  Did you talk about all this before you got married?  

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 8:17 AM


by Lisa on Aug. 8, 2012 at 8:26 AM

Welcome to the group!

Take some *Time Out*for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group
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Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 8:29 AM

Welcome to the group :)

by Louann on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:09 AM

 Welcome to the group!  Don't feel bad for complaining.  We all vent here and it seems to make us feel better.  lol  I'm looking forward to getting to know you better.

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:23 AM

Good morning, thank you for responding.  It sounds so simple, doesn't it? :)  I'm not a good ocmmunicator in my marriage, but am a nurse manager & reallygood at communication at work.  Go figure!  I have to say - he did do dishes last night!  But I would enjoy more time together.  Marriages ebb & flow, & right now, mine's ebbing.  I've started finding things I used to enjoy doing - but there's something lacking.  I want to see that new movie out with Meryl Streep & Tommy Lee Jones - I laughed at the previews until I cried!  It sounds like where I am; looking to put a spark back in my marriage.

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:24 AM

Good morning & thanks for the Welcoming!

by on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:29 AM

Thanks!  I'm new to this forum & if I repeat myself, it means I don't know how to use the group reply, etc.  I feel better just venting - today's a new day:)

by Barb on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:53 AM

Welcome! Don't feel foolish for complaining. I suspect many men are the same, their wives do some of the mom tasks for them-  baby them when they are tired, provide food and comfort.  What does seem to be a problem is that you are tired, too, in the evenings, and he does nothing to contribute to the chores. Tell him that you are so tired that you can't bear it, and that you would feel encouraged if he would take a share of the chores. Pin him down to a specific chore or a specific time period ( between 7 and 7:30, or 7 to 8), and see if he'll lift some of your burden.

by Becky on Aug. 8, 2012 at 9:55 AM

Welcome to the group.  I'm not going to try to give you marital advice - my marriage was over very soon after it began, and I've never married again - but let me tell you what I did with my daughter to have effective conversations when things had to change:  I would sit down and write out everything that I needed to say, everything that was on my mind or my heart.  If it was there, it was written down.  Then I'd re-read and re-write it until it sounded like it would flow easily enough in the conversation.  It was only then that I would go to her and tell her that we were going to have a family meeting on whatever day at whatever time.  When it came time to sit down and talk it out, I had it all in front of me.  Some things didn't seem so important when we were actually sitting down, sometimes a few minor things were added.  Having that sheet of paper in front of me helped me to stay focused on the issues, and also helped to keep me from losing my cool and getting p.o.'ed.  It also helped in that, the next day or whatever, I wasn't going to her and saying, "Oh, and another thing...."  

I've used this in business and also when I was helping to lead a singles group at the church I used to attend, as well.  It works!!! 

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