My son is angry and resentful - yet has so much going for him
My son will be 19 in two months. He graduated high school in May - only just. I know many moms say so, but my son has so much potential, so much ability, but doesn't seem to give a darn about anything. While in high school, I'd frequently get e-mails from teachers and calls from coaches expressing their frustration with him and every time the rhetoric was the same: "Your son has so much potential, so much talent, is charasmatic, but just doesn't care." At home we tired everything - encouraged, set incentives, yelled, begged, pleaded, cried, told him all the time that we love him, believe in him, that we are proud of him. To no avail.
I called his school in February to findout what his grades were (he didn't share anything with us) only to find out that he was on the brink of failing because he simply didn't do homework and turn in work. I spoke to him and there was a brief surge in responsibility, but as soon as he graduated, it was back to square one. Of course his grades were not going to get him into a four year university, which means community college first - something he is not happy about. We made a deal with him: because of his lack of interest and apathy, he needed to pay for his first semester and if he passed his classes, we would refund him and pay for his second semester. We kept reminding him about this al through the summer. He kept having the social time of his life with a string of girls, close friends, and spent everything he earned. He literally has less than a dollar in his bank account.
Since graduating he is almost never home, calls me only when he needs money or gas, and when he is home, is very disrespectful. He doesn't yell or get violent, just speaks to me with no respect. He and his sister have only one chore to do, and he simply doesn't do it. I've gotten to the point where I just do it myself because I'm tired of my own nagging and the consequent mutterings under his breath.
Last night everything came to blows. He got home and my husband sat him down and reminded him that he has no money to start school and that our deal is if he doesn't go to school, he has to find a full time job. Of course this is NOT what he wants to do. To make an already long story short, harsh words were exchanged and my husband had some very direct things to say to him, which in hindsight I understand that my son would be upset.
My son lives a comfortable life at home, has a car that we bought him, has no need for anything since we provide everything... but his resentment is so evident. I know I am not perfect - I tend to get very impatient because I feel that just about all the conversations we have with my son are a repeat of the conversations we had with him since junior high. I am tired of this fighting zone, want to have a relationship with my son as a young man and not a tween or teenager.
Has anyone experienced something similar, or do my husband and I expect too much? Thank you so much for 'listening'. Feels like I got a load off my chest.