Hi, ya'll! My third and last child just got married in May and I've noticed that I've been increasingly more depressed. I think I may have empty nest syndrome or maybe a new kind of syndrome....It's like I had these three boys - attended their sports and music events, was there for them during college and now all of a sudden - they are very busy and sometimes a bit too busy for mom. When I mention it, they say (including their wives) - go to the gym! Find a friend! Go to lunch! When I was growing up, my grandma was an integral part of our lives, but I'm noticing that the new generation really does not want to be bothered. I guess what has changed is me - I want meaningful dialogue with them now that they are full fledged adults. My friend has 3 daughters and is experiencing some of the same stuff...she says that 4 months after her husband's (and their father's) death, she said, "I have never been so lonely...." She got the same advice as I did...let's be clear here - we had great and normal relationships with our children. We are both PhDs (not a big deal), articulate, and passionate about life....we both were educators and now are writers....we do have other lives, but once in a while - we still like to be around our kids....wonder who else is feeling the same way with adult kids...
I know the feeling but then I am so busy I don't have much time to think about my empty nest! I hadn't heard from my son for a few weeks - he moved 1800 miles away to CA just out of high school for college and graduated this past June. Now he has a job, a car, a girlfriend - I emailed him on Friday morning and just heard back. And yes, he's busy. He has the girlfriend and new friends. I still keep busy but I understand how you feel. It's just a weird feeling to "suddenly" stop being a full-time mom! Hang in there. Maybe you and your friend could do some traveling together to keep each other company - a day trip once a month on a weekend or something ? I wish I had a friend I could do that with!
My daughter moved out in Decemberbut I can't say as I've expierenced much of anything, yes I miss her once in awhile but I guess I'm not as bad because The day she was born I knew that she wasn't going to remain my baby. I raised her to be an indiependent person, to have her own life, to make her own mistakes, I was there to kiss the booboos, to dry the tears. I made sure she had the oppritunities we could afford and had a varietiy of activities from Maritals arts to Ballet. But I also maintained my own interestss. I worked outsdie the home, I had my friends who I would get totgether with minus my child. I took classes in things I enjoyed and learned new hobbies and got into sports that I enjoyed. Mom was only one of the many hats I wore when my daughter was growing up.
I will admit that after her and I moved to California when her dad I split the first time I put her on a plan to go visit him in New York I felt that tug, but I had a job and classes to get to that filled up my time while she was gone during the summer. And when she got home we both had so much to talk about. The first time I couldn't go with her to the boarding area when she went to visit her dad I did indeed tear up as I left the airport. But six months later I had just about completed my classes and was planning on going further and trying for a degree and she ws getting ready to continue on with her education as well.
I helped her pack up and move in with a friend from college...that lasted three months and my quiet corner of the world was once again "invaded" LOL. Then this past December she was heading to Texass. I drove her to the airport, didn't bother parking because of my O2 tanks, it would have been a hassle getting them out of the car and walking all that way from the parking lot into the terminal only to give her a hug and a kiss before she went up to the boarding area. So at the cub I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her she'd better call me when she got there.
Every once in awhile I look up to her door and think I wish she would come bouncing down here for something... But she's a grown woman now, what she is doing now is fantastic for her and soon she will have even more responsibility And I'm poreparing fro my own move to Texas when she comes out here to help me get moved. Now our roles aare slowiy reversing.
My youngest moves out for college tomorrow. I know it will be hard but I'm looking forward to it also. I suspect the kids will still be coming home for the weekends and holidays most of the time. My oldest is in college too. So it's not the same as what you are going through.
*hugs*
I know my mother who is clinically depressed thinks I owe her ALL my time and energy. She is so dysfunctional though and acts out horribly.
So I'm determined to be the kind of mom my kids actually want to see and someday, bring thier kids to see. If not, I plan to be busy anyway. There are lots of things to do and people in the world.
I think most of us to some extent know how you feel. I think it would be nice if you and your friend could do some traveling like Ronna suggested. How fun would that be! lol It's an adjustment for most parents when it comes to adult children and I think its something we never think about until it happens. lol Hang in there and stay busy. :)
Oh...and also....DO feel free to vent away. We all do it at some point. There are a lot of good listeners in this group. :)
Welcome to the group! I can't say I know how you feel completely as I only have 1 of my children out of the house at the moment but I can sympathize. I don't get to see my son Michael nearly a much as I would like to.
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Hugs to you,
I do know what you mean,
Maybe you can sit down with each of them (with their wives) & tell them how you feel?
Hang in there .. with luck it may get better ;)
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Hi..I don't have a empty nest, two sons still live home and one (oldest) is in the Army. I'm 41 with a 20, 21 and 22 year old sons. I feel I'm to young to have adult children and miss them being small..I guess I liked feeling needed more then I knew. Just recently out shopping seeing moms with their kids getting ready for school and it bummed me out. Your not alone at all, the hardest thing for me was letting my kids fly. I'm learning it's time for "me" something I really never had being a young mom, never been alone with my husband until now, since our son was 9 mos and one in oven when we married. Look at it like a new chapter in your life, that's what I tell myself. Hope this was somewhat helpful. ~Jeanine~!
I am so sorry for how your feeling I have 4 grown children and I miss having them around from time to time but I talk to my daughters and grandkids on the phone at least every other day so its not so bad, I hope things get easier for you
LADIES I NEED YOUR HELP!
- moralsupport4u
on Aug. 19, 2012 at 5:35 PM