hello all. I am new to this group and hope I can find a few answers ( I may have MANY post :) )
my ds was recently discharged from the military. He has a 14 month old daughter - he is unmarried. He is living back at home until he "gets on his feet" The VA is helping in finding job openings and such but...thats another issue. My issue is he is NOT taking care of his FINANCIAL responsibility. He was paying 250 per month while in the military...since being discharged he is to pay 100...he is BEHIND but yet i KNOW he has 4 pay checks sitting on his dresser! Albeit it is part time that he is working....but that is what the 100 is based off of! The mom is generous because I have kept granddaughter 3x a week while she works...and since ds has been home we do get her a bit more. I know the mom WANTS things to work out with ds but ... sadly ds is disillusioned with what a relationship really is.
my issue is DS was raised by ME a single parent who struggled and fought his dad for child support (9 years in arrears) - he KNOWS the struggle; the tears. He knows the cost of diapering, feeding etc as he has purchased items for our home. It truly (pardon my french) PISSES me off that he doesn't see the importance of paying child support (he blames "payroll" for not setting it up yet)....or that having 30 diapers at our home implies that HE PROVIDES...I really am at wits end. At this point I want my ds OUT. He knows the consequences of getting behind in support. I wish I could magically snap my fingers and he would MATURE...I love ds and I've feel there is no shame in moving home until you get up on your feet...but when you have a CHILD as your OWN responsibility - shouldnt you pull on your boot straps a bit harder? Any ideas how to get thru to him? I would pay the support but I don't want him to begin to think I always will!
At times like this I feel like I failed somewhere in teaching responsibility; maturity; and compassion.
You can't make your son do anything he does not want to do at his age. You are right in not paying the support for him, he helped make that child, he needs to step up and help provide for it. The only thing you can do is sit back and let him suffer the consiquences of his choices.
Is this court ordered support? If so why isn't it going through the courts? Why isn't his employer taking the child support out of his pay rather than him sending in the CS himself? When it goes through the court the child support like taxes is taken out of his pay before he gets it.
As the others have said, his Child support obligation is not your's if he doesn't pay it he will be the one to suffer the consquences and maybe that's what he needs...
Dont pay it for him, let the biomom take care of things. She may have to make an additional filing at the D.A.'s office. You can only encourage him to take care of it. There must be a reason as to why he dosent want to pay it. Did you ask him why? I mean besides the payroll taking care of it. 100.00 a month is pennies. He should be happy that thats all he has to pay but once the fines start adding up....
I wish I had some advice.. I don't.. but I wish that my dd ex's family would be as concerned as you are about the babies... my dd has 3. the oldests grandpa has really stepped up this last year, but the two youngest family..... not at all.
I would just say to make sure that the grandbaby is takin care of, but in no way do you start paying cs for your son. He needs to be responsible. It seems really hard for young men these days to actually take resposibility for reason....
Do you have any friends in police force? They will tell him to pay or go to jail for 30 days. He needs a wake-up call. Judges do vary but all are hard on parent that has to pay. Usually that will make everyone pay support. Good Luck! Robin
just wanted to say welcome, sounds like you got some good advice already
??QOTD?? 5/21/13
- brypmom
on Aug. 21, 2012 at 1:19 PM