hello all. I am new to this group and hope I can find a few answers ( I may have MANY post :) )
my ds was recently discharged from the military. He has a 14 month old daughter - he is unmarried. He is living back at home until he "gets on his feet" The VA is helping in finding job openings and such but...thats another issue. My issue is he is NOT taking care of his FINANCIAL responsibility. He was paying 250 per month while in the military...since being discharged he is to pay 100...he is BEHIND but yet i KNOW he has 4 pay checks sitting on his dresser! Albeit it is part time that he is working....but that is what the 100 is based off of! The mom is generous because I have kept granddaughter 3x a week while she works...and since ds has been home we do get her a bit more. I know the mom WANTS things to work out with ds but ... sadly ds is disillusioned with what a relationship really is.
my issue is DS was raised by ME a single parent who struggled and fought his dad for child support (9 years in arrears) - he KNOWS the struggle; the tears. He knows the cost of diapering, feeding etc as he has purchased items for our home. It truly (pardon my french) PISSES me off that he doesn't see the importance of paying child support (he blames "payroll" for not setting it up yet)....or that having 30 diapers at our home implies that HE PROVIDES...I really am at wits end. At this point I want my ds OUT. He knows the consequences of getting behind in support. I wish I could magically snap my fingers and he would MATURE...I love ds and I've feel there is no shame in moving home until you get up on your feet...but when you have a CHILD as your OWN responsibility - shouldnt you pull on your boot straps a bit harder? Any ideas how to get thru to him? I would pay the support but I don't want him to begin to think I always will!
At times like this I feel like I failed somewhere in teaching responsibility; maturity; and compassion.