hi, my name is Dianna., I have a 29 yr old son who is a wreck. In trouble in the past, never been one to settle to long in one place. Lies, steals and cheats and prescription drugs are his choice of addiction. Will go as far as to hurt, or cut his self to get to an emergency room for that prescription. Always something wrong with him. Won't work for any length of time, and always involves me in his sad tales. i HAVE GOTTEN BETTER AT NOT ENABALING as much as before. I will admit I have bought him cigs, and given him a few dollars here and there and paid his cell phone bill. But I am at my breaking point that I don't want to continue to give my hard earned money to a bum who is self destructive. I want to change my number so he can not reach me, it every day...BEG BEG cuss Beg some more, wont stop till I give in. Please help me to get past whatever it is that makes me give in. He text me today at work, " I need to see DR___. Mom i have been slow to speak can't do math in my head and that's never been a problem for me and my left leg feels the craziest it ever has." the hospital won't do anything and i can get DR____ to get my x-rays and then he can order an MRI, being there must be something wrong other than not broke. When I said I hope your not asking me to pay for it, he said yes or you can put a jar at the gas station. I'm not the man in the head that I used to be, its not right . And no I'm not on drugs. I responded I have bills of my own and I can not help. He said "after an hour being there I will have gotten the money back , I'll give it to you" That tells me he wants the prescription to sell for cash money to live on. I refuse to be part of it anylonger.
Wow. Stay far, far away from him right now. Don't get mixed up with him selling prescription drugs for his living expense money. If he were my son, texting me with stuff like that, I'd tell him not to contact me again until he straightens out.
My daughter's story was very different, but as far as the enabling part is concerned, it's the same. If you are consistent with him, if you tell him the same thing ("Don't contact me", "No, I will not give you money", etc.) each time he asks, and stick to it, then he will eventually stop asking you. Don't waver on it. Don't give in to him, even once, because if you do even once, you are approving of what he is doing. Doesn't matter if you SAY you don' t approve, if you give him any cash at all, your actions show that it's okay with you that he's doing that.
I've said it before in this group, it's times like this that I'm so thankful I have only one child, and that she is past that part of her life.
I wish you the best. Be strong when talking/texting with him. Don't give in!
Ouch- I am sorry. I understand. I am glad you are taking a stand. If he wants to be a prisoner in his own life- that is his choice. To allow it into yours is another. I would let him know he needs to get help and to contact you after he does. I would get in patient information and just keep at it. It may just be the shock that he needs.
Addicts will continue to use people as long as they are allowed to. For you, find an alanon group- they can give you support and advice while going through this. Hugs !
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Hugs to you hon,
Stay strong & keep saying no.
Stay away from him & try not to have any contact.
We're here for you so keep us posted on how things go :)
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HE begs and begs because he knows you will eventualy give in. Stop doing anything
for him and if he calls and starts begging tell him you are hanging up and refuse to talk to him if all he is going to do is beg you for maney/things and stick to it.
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I'm sorry you're going through this but you have to stop. I know it's hard. Sometimes you just have to let them go. Hopefully he will get his act together but if not then that's on him. I wouldn't give him anything. As hard as I know it will be....don't get in. Eventually if he sees that you won't do anything at all maybe he'll stop and get his act together but even if he doesn't at least he'll know you won't help him do all this mess. Hang in there and stay strong. Come vent here to us anytime you need to. Hugs to you!! :)
How often are you in contact with your kids?
- daplunk
on Aug. 21, 2012 at 4:47 PM