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When you hardly ever see your grandchild, it isn't wrong to indulge her, is it?

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She and I were in a bookstore today, killing time while her mom tried on some clothes, and she wanted everything around (age 7), so I said no, no, but in the end bought her a toy that I thought would be used more than once and discarded. I don't have a lot of experience with the grandma thing. What do you do when the child wants everything she sees?

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Replies (111-120):
kolteastmom
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 12:22 AM
My mother spoils my children rotten.. no this is not bad grammas house is made for this! My mom always tells me " grammas house is made for getting away with lots more than u do at home" I believe this, I remember that is how my grammas house was
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MommyBoren
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 12:31 AM
I'm a bit divided on this. On one hand, grandparents should be concerned enough with the kids well being to have respectful limitations. On the other hand, if it's not often, I don't see the problem. Then again, all of the grandparents are phenomenal in our family. I have had the conversation with my mother that as she would not want to be undermined with her children, she should be respectful to not undermine me with mine and she understands completely. My MIL and FIL tend to be a bit more of the spoilers, but the only thing we have seen that we didn't agree with was around food choices. I am all for ice cream AFTER you have eatten your food, but no way will I be ok with them giving 2 full soda's a day to my child like they do with our nephew. We will cross that bridge when we come to it though.
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MommyBoren
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 12:41 AM
3 moms liked this
Lyoness, you sound like you need a Xanax to be honest. If you need to declutter, then declutter, but to sound like a total controlling witch isn't going to do you any favors with any of your family. I agree that children do not need stuff to feel loved, but it sounds like you have declared all out war against 'posessions'. If the state of your house is such a priority for you, can I ask why you had kids in the first place? Kids will naturally make messes. It takes all of 5 minutes for me to tidy up whenever my daughter lays down. If you are OCD and need everything in particular places, etc. then you are bringing the stress on yourself more so than others are. Being angry any time your child receives a gift is not going to show them how to be gracious though. Have them help you weed out their toys. Set limits, but it sounds like you work yourself into a total tizzy over something that while you may discourage, cannot completely control. And I'm sure there are places that will take donations like goodwill or the salvation army, even if they might be a little drive away. It sounds more like you enjoy throwing away the toys that you don't deem as 'worthy' than making an attempt to create a learning experience even if it takes a bit more effort on your part. Just sayin...
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Uzma_mom_of_2
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 1:26 AM

I get annoyed with my mom for the amount of stuff she buys my kids. She's trying to buy there love and I'm trying to tell her that doesn't work. 

A gift here and there is fine, but I'd much rather have her spend her time with them then her money.

Thewife06
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 4:38 AM

As a mother who's child only sees his grandparents once a year....I say spoil all you want.  You only see them once a year.  BUT don't just GIVE them cookies or buy them random things. Have them help you MAKE the cookies, or shop for the PERFECT toy, not just any toy. 
As a child, I don't remember all the cookies and toys my grandma gave to me.  But I do remember making cookies and candies and biscuits with gravy in the kitchen.  I don't remember what they toys were, but I remember her walking down the toy isle with me saying "What about this one?  Look, you can dress your barbie with TWO outfits instead of her just having a puppy"  or "Look, this one is pink AND purple, not just pink." and stuff like that. 
I remember how she always told me how smart I was and how wonderfully I did things.  That woman kept EVERY picture I ever drew her in a binder.  She let me pick which one I wanted to have displayed whenever I left her house. 

THOSE are the memories you want to leave with your grandkids.  Don't just spoil them, but get them really involved with a single spoiling session.  The stuff doesn't matter, the memories do. 

Mindaria
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 5:27 AM

I let my mother go crazy with my daughter. If her grandma's want to spoil her then let them. I know when/if I am a grandmother I will do the very same thing :) 

angeladh82
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 7:05 AM
1 mom liked this
I didn't say my MIL "bought" something for my children everytime she saw them. She came over w/ something. She would then sit in their room or in the living room floor and play with them, read to them, or show them a new way to eat the peanut butter cup. She never once wanted my children to leave her alone. It's very sad to think my children don't have that anymore. I would take a house full of gumball-machine junk, for my babies to have their g-mother still spoiling them!
Quoting Liyoness:

Having a sleepover is much different from cluttering the house with junk and then complaining if that junk "disappears" or gets used in another way.

My kids see my mom almost every day and she spoils them by allowing them to raid her fridge or her garden, or by making little crafts with them, or just cuddling up for a movie in bed.. She doesn't have to buy them stuff all the time to get love and appreciation. They're going to remember the sense of being "at home" with her as they grow up and become adults.

Buying children gifts just distracts them, it's a way of buying love saying, "look what I bought you! Now go play with it and leave me alone. Remember, I love you!" 




Quoting angeladh82:

I have to say; as a mother who doesn't have my own mother or MIL (they have both passed away), spoil away!! I know that while my MIL was still alive, she always came over with something for the kids. A book, clothes, toys, candy, whatever. And I am certain that if my own mother was here; I would actually have a night off. I can almost hear her telling me that she is having a sleep over and I am not invited! You moms who are whining about g-parents spoiling your children, you are very fortunate to have them!


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LadySaphira
by Lisa on Aug. 26, 2012 at 8:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't see buying her one thing that she asked for as indulging her. If you bought everything she asked for, that would be different.

sarah.a.dury
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 9:04 AM
Quoting EireLass:

I met Riley when he was 6 month's old. He's now 19 months. His Mom is my step-daughter. When I first met him (they live in FLA, we lived in MA, now ME)....I talked to her about this. What did she approve of, what did she want for him from me, etc. She said she was very comfortable with me as her Mother (she's never referred to me as step), so she knows I'll only have Riley's best interests at heart. A few times I've asked her if he can have this or that....mostly food related at this point.....she has always said "just do what you'd like, I know you do things safely and healthy. I gave him his first ice cream cone, his first cupcake, etc. My own kids didn't have this until they were older. But she's fine with it. I mentioned it to a couple people and they all said "Oh, the Grandparents have indulging rights" hahaha. Alot of it I think has to do with your relationship with the parent of the child. If you speak to them as the parent, and respect them as the parent, and understand boundaries....things can go well.




As a DIL. I wish my MIL were like you.
Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 26, 2012 at 9:25 AM
1 mom liked this

It sounds as though you have a very nice relationship with your DIL.



Quoting EireLass:

I met Riley when he was 6 month's old. He's now 19 months. His Mom is my step-daughter. When I first met him (they live in FLA, we lived in MA, now ME)....I talked to her about this. What did she approve of, what did she want for him from me, etc. She said she was very comfortable with me as her Mother (she's never referred to me as step), so she knows I'll only have Riley's best interests at heart. A few times I've asked her if he can have this or that....mostly food related at this point.....she has always said "just do what you'd like, I know you do things safely and healthy. I gave him his first ice cream cone, his first cupcake, etc. My own kids didn't have this until they were older. But she's fine with it. I mentioned it to a couple people and they all said "Oh, the Grandparents have indulging rights" hahaha. Alot of it I think has to do with your relationship with the parent of the child. If you speak to them as the parent, and respect them as the parent, and understand boundaries....things can go well.





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