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When you hardly ever see your grandchild, it isn't wrong to indulge her, is it?

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She and I were in a bookstore today, killing time while her mom tried on some clothes, and she wanted everything around (age 7), so I said no, no, but in the end bought her a toy that I thought would be used more than once and discarded. I don't have a lot of experience with the grandma thing. What do you do when the child wants everything she sees?

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Replies (131-140):
MommyBoren
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank god I'm not the only one who thought that! :-)


Quoting Jaybo:



Quoting Liyoness:


I guess for the grandparents, you have to look at it like this:


Imagine someone going into a cheap shop, closing their eyes and buying you 100 decorative items for your home. They bring it to your house and they expect you to open it all RIGHT NOW and to find a place for it, AND to use it, AND to express your gratitude for it. Then the next time they come over they expect your house to be fully decorated in everything they gave you.


But, a lot of it (almost all of it) is junk, and was cheap and broke almost as soon as it came out of the package.. And, well, it's just not your style. In fact, you didn't even like most of it.


And yet this person continues to buy you more stuff like this, and they expect you to keep it all and find a place for all of it and they want you to use it all often. And for your house to be perfect and beautiful and not show the first sign of clutter. And you're supposed to be happy and thankful and beam at how wonderful this person is for all they do for you, afterall, it's not like they bring you this junk every day. It's a special treat. 


Oh, and by the way- it's not just this one person who is bringing you these items to 'enrich' your home - it's also friends, aunts and uncles, the other grandparents, teachers, daycares and everyone in between.


 



When I read your first post,  you seemed to make sense. Now that I've read the rest of your posts where you're blaming every other person on this earth for making your home a mess, I have come to realize you're no where near making any sense.   I'm assuming you're a neat freak that's somehow gone over the edge with your obsession on neatness.   I would urge you to think about a few therapy sessions, if you want your children to have a happy & stress free childhood. 


I cannot imagine them enjoying their childhood at the moment.


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suzeebloch
by Ronna on Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:36 PM

The title of this post was "When you hardly ever see your grandchild, it isn't wrong to indulge her, is it?"

In my opinion, "When you hardly ever" implies "not very often"   and "Indulge" certainly doesn't mean "buying love."

I just had to laugh and shake my head reading all of the responses Liyoness gave. "What is being discussed is buying love. The mess that comes with it, and the sorts of values such a relationship instills on a child. I'm sure I'm not the only mother who isn't comfortable with their children's love being bought."   I don't see the OP asking if it's okay to buy her grandchild love!!!!  and HoneyPlum's "Grandparents have zero rights when it comes to children who don't belong to them.  I'm so lucky that my mom doesn't have this entitled attitude about my children.  She "spoils" them with love, not things that she knows I don't let them have."  I don't recall the OP sounding as if she was entitled to anything nor buying anything her daughter wouldn't allow!   and  Liyoness' "Imagine someone going into a cheap shop, closing their eyes and buying you 100 decorative items for your home. They bring it to your house and they expect you to open it all RIGHT NOW and to find a place for it, AND to use it, AND to express your gratitude for it. Then the next time they come over they expect your house to be fully decorated in everything they gave you. ... But, a lot of it (almost all of it) is junk, and was cheap and broke almost as soon as it came out of the package.. And, well, it's just not your style. In fact, you didn't even like most of it. ..And yet this person continues to buy you more stuff like this, and they expect you to keep it all and find a place for all of it and they want you to use it all often. And for your house to be perfect and beautiful and not show the first sign of clutter. And you're supposed to be happy and thankful and beam at how wonderful this person is for all they do for you, afterall, it's not like they bring you this junk every day. It's a special treat....Oh, and by the way- it's not just this one person who is bringing you these items to 'enrich' your home - it's also friends, aunts and uncles, the other grandparents, teachers, daycares and everyone in between." Holy Crap, Liyoness!  I am truly sorry you have all these people in your life who are allowing you to become so stressed!!

omg. take a chill pill people.

Grandma, indulge your grandchild!  My answer to your question is No.  it is NOT wrong to indulge your grandchild!  

EireLass
by Gold Member on Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:48 PM
1 mom liked this

I hope all of your children are never in need.....of anything.

Quoting HoneyPlum:

Grandparents have zero rights when it comes to children who don't belong to them.  I'm so lucky that my mom doesn't have this entitled attitude about my children.  She "spoils" them with love, not things that she knows I don't let them have.

Quoting mac1940:

Grandmothers rights include indulging - at least within reason.


HoneyPlum
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 3:50 PM
1 mom liked this
That makes zero sense. My children are well provided for, thanks for your concern, though.


Quoting EireLass:

I hope all of your children are never in need.....of anything.

Quoting HoneyPlum:

Grandparents have zero rights when it comes to children who don't belong to them.  I'm so lucky that my mom doesn't have this entitled attitude about my children.  She "spoils" them with love, not things that she knows I don't let them have.


Quoting mac1940:

Grandmothers rights include indulging - at least within reason.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
braezmommy89
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 4:41 PM
1 mom liked this
Im not a grandparent but my grandparents spoiled the bananas outta me & my kids grandparents do the same with them... its a grandparents job :)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liyoness
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 5:13 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Jaybo:


Quoting Liyoness:

I guess for the grandparents, you have to look at it like this:

Imagine someone going into a cheap shop, closing their eyes and buying you 100 decorative items for your home. They bring it to your house and they expect you to open it all RIGHT NOW and to find a place for it, AND to use it, AND to express your gratitude for it. Then the next time they come over they expect your house to be fully decorated in everything they gave you.

But, a lot of it (almost all of it) is junk, and was cheap and broke almost as soon as it came out of the package.. And, well, it's just not your style. In fact, you didn't even like most of it.

And yet this person continues to buy you more stuff like this, and they expect you to keep it all and find a place for all of it and they want you to use it all often. And for your house to be perfect and beautiful and not show the first sign of clutter. And you're supposed to be happy and thankful and beam at how wonderful this person is for all they do for you, afterall, it's not like they bring you this junk every day. It's a special treat. 

Oh, and by the way- it's not just this one person who is bringing you these items to 'enrich' your home - it's also friends, aunts and uncles, the other grandparents, teachers, daycares and everyone in between.



When I read your first post,  you seemed to make sense. Now that I've read the rest of your posts where you're blaming every other person on this earth for making your home a mess, I have come to realize you're no where near making any sense.   I'm assuming you're a neat freak that's somehow gone over the edge with your obsession on neatness.   I would urge you to think about a few therapy sessions, if you want your children to have a happy & stress free childhood. 

I cannot imagine them enjoying their childhood at the moment.

Only a neat freak can get stressed out and sick of a constant mess all over the floor from people coming in every couple weeks and bringing the children bags of gifts? I tend to think that I'm on the messy side and pretty laid back when it comes to the accumulation of clutter, but it's at the point where it has become absolutely ridiculous.  (And I've shared stories about how my MIL reacts to the purging or "misuse" of items.)

Of course, I will admit that for once I actually got emotionally involved in a post - reading people state how horrid the children are if they come to expect that they'll be receiving gifts and that it is the parents' fault for raising such brats. That one does hit home for me - we had this experience a few months ago with my 6 year old asking her aunt if she had brought her any gifts. Thank goodness their aunt is the person she is, because she recognized that she had taught my children to expect gifts, she didn't flip out about what a selfish child I have because she asked. She simply replied, "nope! I just brought me today!" My DD was satisfied and asked, "do you want to play hide and seek?"  - My MIL reacted less well when on her birthday the same DD said, "next time, for my birthday and Christmases and stuff, can you just give me money?"  My MIL immediately went on the defense, "don't you like the gifts I got you?" Always the diplomat, my DD responded, "I like them, too... It's just that I'm trying to save up for a Nintendo DS." <-- Read, gift that she really cared about and desperately wanted, as she had lost the one we bought her a year before. MIL's reaction was to "save the day" and give DD her own DS Lite, which, obviously, didn't teach my DD the value of saving up for something she wanted after being irresponsible with the first item, and also reinforced that "it's okay if I lose it, someone will always get me a new one!"  You can only teach your children so much about responsibility and being polite - at some point others do have to take responsibility for teaching and enabling poor behaviour.

The mess is part of it, but certainly not the entirety.


Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 26, 2012 at 7:39 PM

I think it was also in the back of my mind that I don't want my granddaughter to expect something from me every time. 

Quoting Liyoness:


Quoting Jaybo:

Only a neat freak can get stressed out and sick of a constant mess all over the floor from people coming in every couple weeks and bringing the children bags of gifts? I tend to think that I'm on the messy side and pretty laid back when it comes to the accumulation of clutter, but it's at the point where it has become absolutely ridiculous.  (And I've shared stories about how my MIL reacts to the purging or "misuse" of items.)

Of course, I will admit that for once I actually got emotionally involved in a post - reading people state how horrid the children are if they come to expect that they'll be receiving gifts and that it is the parents' fault for raising such brats. That one does hit home for me - we had this experience a few months ago with my 6 year old asking her aunt if she had brought her any gifts. Thank goodness their aunt is the person she is, because she recognized that she had taught my children to expect gifts, she didn't flip out about what a selfish child I have because she asked. She simply replied, "nope! I just brought me today!" My DD was satisfied and asked, "do you want to play hide and seek?"  - My MIL reacted less well when on her birthday the same DD said, "next time, for my birthday and Christmases and stuff, can you just give me money?"  My MIL immediately went on the defense, "don't you like the gifts I got you?" Always the diplomat, my DD responded, "I like them, too... It's just that I'm trying to save up for a Nintendo DS." <-- Read, gift that she really cared about and desperately wanted, as she had lost the one we bought her a year before. MIL's reaction was to "save the day" and give DD her own DS Lite, which, obviously, didn't teach my DD the value of saving up for something she wanted after being irresponsible with the first item, and also reinforced that "it's okay if I lose it, someone will always get me a new one!"  You can only teach your children so much about responsibility and being polite - at some point others do have to take responsibility for teaching and enabling poor behaviour.

The mess is part of it, but certainly not the entirety.



Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 26, 2012 at 7:40 PM

I remember my grandparents giving me small amounts of money or treats, it was fun for me.

Quoting braezmommy89:

Im not a grandparent but my grandparents spoiled the bananas outta me & my kids grandparents do the same with them... its a grandparents job :)


Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 26, 2012 at 7:44 PM

Thank you. My DIL is gracious about things I give my granddaughter. When we went to the beach together when she was 3 years, I had brought a pair of child's scissors with me and my gd and I spent many hours happily cutting hearts out of newspaper. When the vacation was over, my DIL asked me to take the scissors home with me, and I didn't mind - no offense taken either way.

Quoting suzeebloch:

The title of this post was "When you hardly ever see your grandchild, it isn't wrong to indulge her, is it?"

In my opinion, "When you hardly ever" implies "not very often"   and "Indulge" certainly doesn't mean "buying love."

I just had to laugh and shake my head reading all of the responses Liyoness gave. "What is being discussed is buying love. The mess that comes with it, and the sorts of values such a relationship instills on a child. I'm sure I'm not the only mother who isn't comfortable with their children's love being bought."   I don't see the OP asking if it's okay to buy her grandchild love!!!!  and HoneyPlum's "Grandparents have zero rights when it comes to children who don't belong to them.  I'm so lucky that my mom doesn't have this entitled attitude about my children.  She "spoils" them with love, not things that she knows I don't let them have."  I don't recall the OP sounding as if she was entitled to anything nor buying anything her daughter wouldn't allow!   and  Liyoness' "Imagine someone going into a cheap shop, closing their eyes and buying you 100 decorative items for your home. They bring it to your house and they expect you to open it all RIGHT NOW and to find a place for it, AND to use it, AND to express your gratitude for it. Then the next time they come over they expect your house to be fully decorated in everything they gave you. ... But, a lot of it (almost all of it) is junk, and was cheap and broke almost as soon as it came out of the package.. And, well, it's just not your style. In fact, you didn't even like most of it. ..And yet this person continues to buy you more stuff like this, and they expect you to keep it all and find a place for all of it and they want you to use it all often. And for your house to be perfect and beautiful and not show the first sign of clutter. And you're supposed to be happy and thankful and beam at how wonderful this person is for all they do for you, afterall, it's not like they bring you this junk every day. It's a special treat....Oh, and by the way- it's not just this one person who is bringing you these items to 'enrich' your home - it's also friends, aunts and uncles, the other grandparents, teachers, daycares and everyone in between." Holy Crap, Liyoness!  I am truly sorry you have all these people in your life who are allowing you to become so stressed!!

omg. take a chill pill people.

Grandma, indulge your grandchild!  My answer to your question is No.  it is NOT wrong to indulge your grandchild!  


grnsmomma
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 9:54 PM

My grandparents spoiled me with little treats and such, but rarely things from the store.  We'd always get something when the ice cream truck came around, things like that.

Now that I'm a mom, I am very thankful that my mom respects my wishes as a parent.  If I tell her I don't want him to have something then she doesn't give it to him.  Like she knows we don't give him soda (he's 3), and he has way too many stickers and coloring books as is, so even if he asks she will say no.  She also knows that whatever she buys him has to stay at her house! (she watches him 4 days a week for 2 hours while DH goes to work and before I get off)  He has so many books and toys here but it doesn't really bother me, my siblings and I were not allowed to get anything growing up because of my dad so I like giving my son things I never had, and I think my mom does too.  He still has manners and says please and thank you and he takes care of the things he has.

My MIL on the other hand only sees my son a few times per year.  This is her choice, she lives close, she is now a drug addict but has always been unreliable, saying "Oh I'll come see him tomorrow" and then we don't hear from her for 3 months.  Every time she actually shows up she has some loud toy for him and I DO think she is trying to buy his love.  This irritates me to no end, DH just brushes it off because their relationship is so unstable as is.

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