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When you hardly ever see your grandchild, it isn't wrong to indulge her, is it?

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She and I were in a bookstore today, killing time while her mom tried on some clothes, and she wanted everything around (age 7), so I said no, no, but in the end bought her a toy that I thought would be used more than once and discarded. I don't have a lot of experience with the grandma thing. What do you do when the child wants everything she sees?

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Replies (141-150):
zongomom
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 11:59 PM

i think you did good anything educational is better but sometimes a mom needs too feel like a mom so i would just ask before i buy

Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 27, 2012 at 9:39 AM

Yes, I can see that I made a mistake there, I should have asked the mom.

Quoting zongomom:

i think you did good anything educational is better but sometimes a mom needs too feel like a mom so i would just ask before i buy


Serenity797
by on Aug. 27, 2012 at 11:09 AM
A toy you put some thought into is fine. One momento of your visit is nice. It's the grandma who brings new toys over on weekly visits that has to be stopped.
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Esmrlda
by Esme on Aug. 27, 2012 at 5:33 PM

 Then she can just stay home then, no Grandma weekends until she earns it OR we need some space.

And NO I will NOT be giving my grandchild ice cream for breakfast.  Pfffft!

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

when it comes to grandmas- all bets are OFF! Kids should know and understand that there are grandmas rules ( like ice cream for breakfast) and then there are the House Rules. When the kids are under the direct care of grandma- she rules. What happens at grandmas- stays at grandmas. That's why kids love their grandmas so much!

Grandmas should have both indulging rights as well as bragging rights. Any order of punsihment a child may be under is on a stay while with grandma. It can resume again once back home.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 I dont have a grandchild but sometimes I feel as though in my case the grandparent (MiL)  will go out and buy the grandchild anything they want.  Well what if that child is on restriction for not doing something at home or didnt earn any rewards for that week for being disrespectful and the grandma knows this but goes and buys her something anyway disregarding the parents wishes and making the child feel like what ever pushment she had dosent matter. 

 

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Aug. 27, 2012 at 5:35 PM
1 mom liked this

 I agree, MiL did this to sd and to my nephew and then she gets all hurt saying that all they do is want and expect from  her.  LoL, well she dug that hole herself!!    I think some one on one quality listening and question time is what a child craves the most.

Quoting VincyntsMommie:

Be careful when you do indulge. My mom tends to get my son whever he wants (even if we say no) and now she has hurt feelings because when ever he sees her he wants another new toy or for her to buy him something.

I would say, try to indulge with attention and love more than material items.

Just my thoughts. :) Thanks

 

Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 27, 2012 at 5:46 PM

I was mad when my MIL gave my toddler cookies and cake for breakfast.  I wouldn't do this for my gd, at least I think I wouldn't..... nah, I wouldn't.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 Then she can just stay home then, no Grandma weekends until she earns it OR we need some space.

And NO I will NOT be giving my grandchild ice cream for breakfast.  Pfffft!

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

when it comes to grandmas- all bets are OFF! Kids should know and understand that there are grandmas rules ( like ice cream for breakfast) and then there are the House Rules. When the kids are under the direct care of grandma- she rules. What happens at grandmas- stays at grandmas. That's why kids love their grandmas so much!

Grandmas should have both indulging rights as well as bragging rights. Any order of punsihment a child may be under is on a stay while with grandma. It can resume again once back home.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 I dont have a grandchild but sometimes I feel as though in my case the grandparent (MiL)  will go out and buy the grandchild anything they want.  Well what if that child is on restriction for not doing something at home or didnt earn any rewards for that week for being disrespectful and the grandma knows this but goes and buys her something anyway disregarding the parents wishes and making the child feel like what ever pushment she had dosent matter. 


 


Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 27, 2012 at 5:48 PM

OK, I don't see her weekly, and even when I do see her I don't always give her  a present. I just hadn't thought about it and it was an impulse buy on the vacation. Next time, if we are on vacation together, I think I'll ask her mom first, then tell her that I'll buy her one toy or book.

Quoting Serenity797:

A toy you put some thought into is fine. One momento of your visit is nice. It's the grandma who brings new toys over on weekly visits that has to be stopped.


Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 27, 2012 at 5:49 PM

I'll be more careful about this, thank you.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 I agree, MiL did this to sd and to my nephew and then she gets all hurt saying that all they do is want and expect from  her.  LoL, well she dug that hole herself!!    I think some one on one quality listening and question time is what a child craves the most.

Quoting VincyntsMommie:

Be careful when you do indulge. My mom tends to get my son whever he wants (even if we say no) and now she has hurt feelings because when ever he sees her he wants another new toy or for her to buy him something.

I would say, try to indulge with attention and love more than material items.

Just my thoughts. :) Thanks

 


Bmat
by Barb on Aug. 27, 2012 at 5:53 PM

I am sorry about your MIL. 

I like that the item stays in your mom's house. I've bought some great gifts for birthdays and Christmas that the children took home, and then they were quickly lost or broken, I'd much prefer that the gifts had stayed in my place where I could enjoy seeing the children play with them. The problem is there that I don't see the children very much, so I guess it is a lose lose situation.

Quoting grnsmomma:

My grandparents spoiled me with little treats and such, but rarely things from the store.  We'd always get something when the ice cream truck came around, things like that.

Now that I'm a mom, I am very thankful that my mom respects my wishes as a parent.  If I tell her I don't want him to have something then she doesn't give it to him.  Like she knows we don't give him soda (he's 3), and he has way too many stickers and coloring books as is, so even if he asks she will say no.  She also knows that whatever she buys him has to stay at her house! (she watches him 4 days a week for 2 hours while DH goes to work and before I get off)  He has so many books and toys here but it doesn't really bother me, my siblings and I were not allowed to get anything growing up because of my dad so I like giving my son things I never had, and I think my mom does too.  He still has manners and says please and thank you and he takes care of the things he has.

My MIL on the other hand only sees my son a few times per year.  This is her choice, she lives close, she is now a drug addict but has always been unreliable, saying "Oh I'll come see him tomorrow" and then we don't hear from her for 3 months.  Every time she actually shows up she has some loud toy for him and I DO think she is trying to buy his love.  This irritates me to no end, DH just brushes it off because their relationship is so unstable as is.


Ms.KitKat
by on Aug. 28, 2012 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this

that is sad to know but- to each their own. I would never dream of withholding my children from seeing their grandparents- that is a relationship that I work very very hard on forging for the benefit of all. It is also sad to know you are using your parents for free babysitting- trust me in this- they will catch onto that little scheme of yours. And if not, because they love their grandchildren so much- what an awful thing to do- using grandparents because YOU need space. But again, to each their own.

I plan on spoiling my grandchildren rotten and then sending them back home! Children are for growing, grandchildren are for spoiling.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 Then she can just stay home then, no Grandma weekends until she earns it OR we need some space.

And NO I will NOT be giving my grandchild ice cream for breakfast.  Pfffft!

Quoting Ms.KitKat:

when it comes to grandmas- all bets are OFF! Kids should know and understand that there are grandmas rules ( like ice cream for breakfast) and then there are the House Rules. When the kids are under the direct care of grandma- she rules. What happens at grandmas- stays at grandmas. That's why kids love their grandmas so much!

Grandmas should have both indulging rights as well as bragging rights. Any order of punsihment a child may be under is on a stay while with grandma. It can resume again once back home.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 I dont have a grandchild but sometimes I feel as though in my case the grandparent (MiL)  will go out and buy the grandchild anything they want.  Well what if that child is on restriction for not doing something at home or didnt earn any rewards for that week for being disrespectful and the grandma knows this but goes and buys her something anyway disregarding the parents wishes and making the child feel like what ever pushment she had dosent matter. 

 

 


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