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When you hardly ever see your grandchild, it isn't wrong to indulge her, is it?

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She and I were in a bookstore today, killing time while her mom tried on some clothes, and she wanted everything around (age 7), so I said no, no, but in the end bought her a toy that I thought would be used more than once and discarded. I don't have a lot of experience with the grandma thing. What do you do when the child wants everything she sees?

by on Aug. 23, 2012 at 5:01 PM
Replies (21-30):
campingmomof4
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:50 PM

 I only see my granddaughters one or twice a year.  When we are with them  I spoil them terribly.  Hey I don't get to do it all year long so why not.  My son and dil say nothing. 

louannwilkins
by Louann on Aug. 24, 2012 at 1:59 PM

 As a grandparent I buy mine something every now and then.  Thankfully I don't have to ask the parents permission since they've made it clear that whatever I do as a grandparent is ok.  I know that a lot of grandparents don't have it like that.  So. I don't want them to be spoiled brats who think everytime we do something I buy something.  I do buy stuff every now and then though.  :)

homeskoolmama
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 4:04 PM

Ask your mom or No. I was with my grand daughter (2 in Oct) all this past week. It was great, I had not seen her in a few weeks. I love her dearly but will not spoil her with 'stuff', love her and give her lots of attention but I am not one to buy a lot of 'stuff', didn't do it with mine. My mom is different, she is ALWAYS buying stuff and she sees her everyday! yikes

3rd2bedue
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 11:08 AM

Yeah I agree with this! HONESTLY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I SPOIL my babies! Normally I find it hard to go into a store and NOT buy my tots a little something (treat or toy!) Not because they ask, (they dont) but because I know itll make their day bright! sigh................. when im a grandmother itll maybe get even worse! lol............. 

Quoting nana9106:

 I am a firm believer in "spoil them rotten and send them home". I am the grandma, I don't have to say no unless I want to or it is something I have been asked not to do. So, I say if you wanted to get her a toy, then it is OK, As long as you don't go overboard, which it sounds like you kept a limit of one toy.


jessiesievert2
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 11:39 AM

I think you can indulge to a point. My Mom spoils my kids (they are the only grandkids on my side). If it's items like clothes or shoes she doesn't ask but if it is toy or anything just for fun she does ask and I have said no before because my kids will ask for things that I know when they get home they will never touch so she won't get it and might see if she can find something else they would like. Even though we live near her she still doesn't do it often. She might take them to the store once a year, the other times she just picks things up here and there and asks me before she gives them to them. 

gmadiane
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 11:47 AM

I set a limit, mine are little but they know they can have what I can afford, I will usually give them a choice, you can have this or this but i do tend to indulge, if I were rich they would have everything

Liyoness
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 12:18 PM
2 moms liked this

I find it incredibly rude, as a parent of young children.

You're not the one who has to clean up the mess of toys left all over and sort through a room full of them to decide what to keep and what not to and then fight with them when they discover a toy they haven't thought of in over a year and want to play with it.

I have a rule in my home because I'm absolutely sick of the mess - get them clothes or give them money for their birthdays/Christmas/etc... Those who break this rule, the toys are kept at their own home! If they don't mind my kids coming over and trashing their house, that's great for them!

I want my kids to learn the value of a dollar - if people just give them stuff because they ask they're never going to respect a) the toys b) the person or c) the money that goes into buying these things that just get discarded on the floor.

Kids need those who love them to spend time with them, not buy them stuff. It's not cute or funny to 'spoil them rotten'. It teaches and reinforces bad manners.

(It's also terribly unfair to a child to expect them to clean up and sort through the giant mess of a pile of toys that they have become overwhelmed with..)


As for what you say to the child, "no," is a perfectly appropriate response. If you absolutely must buy something, then buy something that will make their lives more organized. (Treasure boxes and storage containers are just as thrilling - and will be used longer - than a toy.)

batmansgirl
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 12:39 PM
7 moms liked this

When the day comes that your a grandmother then by all means buy your grandchild a storage container. The question was asked to grandmothers not mothers.

Quoting Liyoness:

I find it incredibly rude, as a parent of young children.

You're not the one who has to clean up the mess of toys left all over and sort through a room full of them to decide what to keep and what not to and then fight with them when they discover a toy they haven't thought of in over a year and want to play with it.

I have a rule in my home because I'm absolutely sick of the mess - get them clothes or give them money for their birthdays/Christmas/etc... Those who break this rule, the toys are kept at their own home! If they don't mind my kids coming over and trashing their house, that's great for them!

I want my kids to learn the value of a dollar - if people just give them stuff because they ask they're never going to respect a) the toys b) the person or c) the money that goes into buying these things that just get discarded on the floor.

Kids need those who love them to spend time with them, not buy them stuff. It's not cute or funny to 'spoil them rotten'. It teaches and reinforces bad manners.

(It's also terribly unfair to a child to expect them to clean up and sort through the giant mess of a pile of toys that they have become overwhelmed with..)


As for what you say to the child, "no," is a perfectly appropriate response. If you absolutely must buy something, then buy something that will make their lives more organized. (Treasure boxes and storage containers are just as thrilling - and will be used longer - than a toy.)


Liyoness
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this

The question was made into a hot topic and invited everyone to come respond.

Seems silly to include only the opinions of other selfish grandmothers when it is the mothers' opinions which matter.

I wonder - would you throw a huge temper tantrum like the child you're spoiling with materialism if the item you bought went straight to the garbage once it got home?


Quoting batmansgirl:

When the day comes that your a grandmother then by all means buy your grandchild a storage container. The question was asked to grandmothers not mothers.

Quoting Liyoness:

I find it incredibly rude, as a parent of young children.

You're not the one who has to clean up the mess of toys left all over and sort through a room full of them to decide what to keep and what not to and then fight with them when they discover a toy they haven't thought of in over a year and want to play with it.

I have a rule in my home because I'm absolutely sick of the mess - get them clothes or give them money for their birthdays/Christmas/etc... Those who break this rule, the toys are kept at their own home! If they don't mind my kids coming over and trashing their house, that's great for them!

I want my kids to learn the value of a dollar - if people just give them stuff because they ask they're never going to respect a) the toys b) the person or c) the money that goes into buying these things that just get discarded on the floor.

Kids need those who love them to spend time with them, not buy them stuff. It's not cute or funny to 'spoil them rotten'. It teaches and reinforces bad manners.

(It's also terribly unfair to a child to expect them to clean up and sort through the giant mess of a pile of toys that they have become overwhelmed with..)


As for what you say to the child, "no," is a perfectly appropriate response. If you absolutely must buy something, then buy something that will make their lives more organized. (Treasure boxes and storage containers are just as thrilling - and will be used longer - than a toy.)



EireLass
by Gold Member on Aug. 25, 2012 at 12:51 PM
3 moms liked this

This sounds like the issue is your lack of control within your home, and the ability to teach your child manners.

Quoting Liyoness:

I find it incredibly rude, as a parent of young children.

You're not the one who has to clean up the mess of toys left all over and sort through a room full of them to decide what to keep and what not to and then fight with them when they discover a toy they haven't thought of in over a year and want to play with it.

I have a rule in my home because I'm absolutely sick of the mess - get them clothes or give them money for their birthdays/Christmas/etc... Those who break this rule, the toys are kept at their own home! If they don't mind my kids coming over and trashing their house, that's great for them!

I want my kids to learn the value of a dollar - if people just give them stuff because they ask they're never going to respect a) the toys b) the person or c) the money that goes into buying these things that just get discarded on the floor.

Kids need those who love them to spend time with them, not buy them stuff. It's not cute or funny to 'spoil them rotten'. It teaches and reinforces bad manners.

(It's also terribly unfair to a child to expect them to clean up and sort through the giant mess of a pile of toys that they have become overwhelmed with..)

As for what you say to the child, "no," is a perfectly appropriate response. If you absolutely must buy something, then buy something that will make their lives more organized. (Treasure boxes and storage containers are just as thrilling - and will be used longer - than a toy.)


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