After talking with the grandkids last night, telling them about Chloe, I've felt a great sense of relief, a sort of closure. I cried a little last night, when talking to Smokey about her, and I cried a couple times this morning. I can think of her now without crying (but feeling that great loss), I cannot look at photos of her right now without crying, but overall, today's been way better than yesterday and Tuesday.
I just went into my purse to get a stick of gum, and I saw the invoice for her euthanasia and cremation. I didn't even realize they'd given me an invoice, my daughter put it in my purse along with my checkbook. I was looking at each of the charges, line by line, because they charged me a lot less than they had told me on the phone Tuesday morning, and I was curious as to why. (It was because of her weight.) I saw the last line said, "Semi private cremation". So, because her body is still at the vet's office until tomorrow, I called and asked how much a private cremation is. I was told that what they charged me IS for a private cremation, thankfully - she assured me that I would receive Chloe's ashes and no one else's - but I couldn't make it thru the first two sentences without crying again.
I know this takes time. I know time will heal my heartache a bit. In the meantime, thank you all for letting me grieve a bit here.