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newly wed and lonely

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 7:50 AM
  • 11 Replies

married 2 months and I know its only for a few more weeks but since we got back from honeymoon and prior to wedding he works all day and now saturday they been telling him help is on the way (heard that before). Just wondering how to cope without complaining to him his back is against the wall and he cant change things need the job and at 60 cant retire yet.

I try and encourge him to hang in there but I am really angry with him because I feel second to his work right now dont want to add more stress to the problem he has lost weight and you can hear in his voice something wrong also we are trying to sell to house and merge 2 families bad timing .

THANKS for reading any coping idea?

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 7:50 AM
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by Louann on Sep. 16, 2012 at 8:03 AM
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The only thing I can tell you is to try to take it one day at a time and focus on the positive parts like he HAS a job and a lot of people don't.  Also it sounds like it's stressing him out too and that may be because he knows you're not happy.  I know it's probably hard but I think I'd be happy that he's responsible and like I said...has a job.  Do you work?  Merging families and houses isn't always an easy thing even when things are going smoothly.  Hang in there and do the best you can.    :)

by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 8:26 AM

Does he have an approachable boss? If so, maybe it's time for him to sit down with the boss and tell him it's affecting his health, he's overtired, and that won't help him on the job.

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 10:50 AM

I hope things get better

by Mary Ann on Sep. 16, 2012 at 12:37 PM
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I do believe that since the situation is obviously getting him down, that you need to be supportive and encouraging to him.  He undoubtedly is feeling bad for your feelings, so you must try to hide those feelings of being second fiddle and let him know how proud you are of how hard he is working.  Try to keep things happy and pleasant and stress free at home (not easy when trying to merge two families) and always keep in mind that this is only for a short time.  I hope things fall in place soon and that indeed help is on the way for him.

by Platinum Member on Sep. 16, 2012 at 1:17 PM

It sounds like you both have a lot going on and he has the added stress of working on top of it.  And if it is seriously affecting his health he needs to speak to a doctor about the weight loss ect.  Maybe you both just need some down time to take a break.  Just try to be there for each other and like the other ladies said,just take a day at a time .   

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 1:41 PM
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If you want to stay in this marriage unfortunately you will need to get used to being alone alot. I have been married to a man for 28 years and have been alone most of the time because of his work. I have always felt second to his work, even after we had our son, my son and I came second. Now that my son is in college, I eat most of my meals alone too because he stays at work all hours and I don't want to eat that late. I have never been happy about it, I have always felt that I am a married/single person, not something I ever wanted to be. I wish I could give you some advice other than spend time with friends, don't wait for him if you get invited somewhere, learn to go without him. I have volunteered over the years which takes up some time, but never enough. I too don't like to add stress to the situation, but sometimes you need to let them know how it is hurting you, not that it will change the way they work but at least he will know you are not happy with the situation. My husband is in a family business so he will never retire, hopefully your husband will as soon as he can and you can enjoy each other more.All I ever wanted from my husband is some of the time and energy that he puts into his work, have never gotten it and unfortunately you appear to be in the same boat. Maybe after you sell the house some of the stress will be eliminated. I hope life gets better in the near future for you.

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 3:06 PM

Just remember what you said. Its not his fault and remember this too...even though you might feel second to his job, you are NOT. That is why he is busting his butt right now, to take care and provide a home for you. Men, real men, have the need to provide. Just be patient. I'm sure it will get better soon.

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 6:08 PM

LOL I got masrried and the day after he left me for a month.  He was Air Force and had to go to Leadership School in Texas, we didn't have a honeymoon.  I suggest you find a hobby or get yourself a job even.  Or volunteer in soup kitchens or hospitals.  Sign up for college courses and learn something rather than whining about being lonely.  

by Barb on Sep. 16, 2012 at 7:35 PM

Been there. I had a three day honeymoon, and then my husband left for a week on work travel. I cried and cried, to myself of course, not wanting him to know of it, but I did tell him that I was sad. Nothing he could do, it was his job. So I guess what I am saying is to keep yourself as busy as you can, and cry as much at night as you want.

by Jeanine on Sep. 16, 2012 at 9:24 PM

 Aww, I'm sorry.  I know from experience merging 2 families is extremely stressful.  Thinking back to when I was first married (to my 2nd dh) some of the things that made me mad were so stupid in insignificant.  Hang in there, keep your self busy and try to be a blessing to your dh every day.

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