my daughter is almost 28. we were extremely close, as in great friends, had fun times and great talks, she was an easy child to raise and i love her tremendously.
about 20 months ago she met a guy. he's nothing like any of her previous boyfriends, all of which were decent enough guys and we all got along well. this guy is unemployed, divorced, shares custody of his 2 kids, 6 y/o girl and 5 y/o boy.
she and i were sharing an apt together, then she decided she wanted to live with this man - i'll say right now i don't like him. he hasn't tried to find a job in all this time she's been with him. she maxed out all her credit to help him start a handyman business that didn't pan out. in the beginning it seemed to be doing ok and she quit her job. freaked me out because we were still sharing rent and bills. however, she said it would be fine. eventually they wanted to move in together, so i offerred to move out of the apt and get my own place. i did. since that time our relationship has deteriorated unbelievably. she has become like a different person. she has said things to me that are very hurtful and has gotten me in money trouble. they couldn't pay the rent on the apt so they just stopped, eventually got evicted and we had to go to court. i didn't take my name off the lease when i moved out - it never ocurred to me she wouldn't pay. neither of them have a job or are looking for work. my daughter has a college education and is currently taking classes part time for her mba. i'm not sure why if she's not going to work. they are currently living in a trailer with very low rent that they can no longer afford.
she borrowed money from my sister to move into the trailer, with promises to pay it back. she's gotten some extra money from student loans, but hasn't paid my sister. this has caused great friction between my sister and me.
my daughter never calls me anymore. only texts when she needs money. she has gone months not speaking to me for some misdeaminor on my part - like not taking her cat because the boyfriend was allergic. or breaking up the family plan on the cell phone because i couldn't afford to keep paying the bulk of the bill. there are other examples, but i need to get to my problem because it is urgent and almost immediate.
she's marrying this guy in october. what went from wedding plans with family and friends to going to niagra falls with just another couple has now become getting married at the local court house. they have no money for anything obviously.
i know, or maybe just feel, this marriage is a mistake, and i really don't like the guy and i don't like my daughter as she is with him. i still love her dearly, but i don't like her. a couple friend is still coming to serve as witnesses. suddenly yesterday she sends me a text message that they've decided to invite parents since they're getting married right here. if i would like to come and support them.
i don't want to support them. i don't want to see him, he disgusts me. obviously i don't want this to happen, but i realize that's not my decision to make.
the question here is "do i go to the 'wedding' if you can call it that?" i really don't even know this woman anymore, but she is my daughter and i love her and don't want to cause a rift that can never be repaired.
any advice moms?