Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Help with 19 yo step daughter

Posted by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:36 PM
  • 14 Replies

 She just found out that her boyfriend cheated on her.  She also found out that his entire family has known for a while now.  His sister is telling her that it  her fault that he cheated on her.  She feels humiliated and embarrassed.  She and I have not talked about this yet but she has talked to her dad.  He is not too quick with advice and words of wisdom.  I want to talked to her and let her know that not only is her ex an asshole for cheating but his family (especially his sister) are also assholes.  I dont want to bash him if she is not at that stage yet. I do want to suggest that she get tested for STDs but I dont want to offend her.  Any suggestions on how the conversation should go?

by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:36 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
the_kids_mom
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:50 PM
Tell her that since she knows he cheated, that just to make sure, she needs to get tested. That you just never know. Remind her that he slept with someone else, if he slept with her after that other girl, then in a way not only did he sleep with them both, he also exposed her to EVERYONE ELSE that other girl slept with too!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
the_kids_mom
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:52 PM
Give her a big hug! She's dealing with a lot of emotions!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Shellness
by Michell on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:52 PM

I would tell her that she is important and should be treated that way. That what happened is not her fault but because of something that is wrong with him. That his family is taking up for him, but not because he is right, because they are ignorant and don't have the morals to call him out for what he did. I would say that this is probably the reason that he is the way he is. Tell her that she doesn't know it yet but she is better off and he left an opening for someone else to come into her life that will love her and treat her like the special person she is. 

As for the STD's be honest, kind and straightforward. Tell her that she needs to make sure she is safe and what he did put her in danger and offer to take her to the doctor to get checked.

Brooke501
by on Sep. 16, 2012 at 11:59 PM

 She lives 4 hours away from us and the rest of her familyshrugging

Quoting the_kids_mom:

Give her a big hug! She's dealing with a lot of emotions!

 

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Sep. 17, 2012 at 12:07 AM

Just try to be supportive and take your cues from how she is reacting/behaving about this.  You should point out to her that it is NOT her fault that he cheated on her.  He did the cheating of his own free will.  If someone is unhappy in a relationship, you end it, not sleep with someone else.  Of course she feels humiliated as so many people already knew about this.  It will take time, but she will eventually realize that she deserves better, and is much better off without him. 

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Sep. 17, 2012 at 12:08 AM


Quoting the_kids_mom:

Tell her that since she knows he cheated, that just to make sure, she needs to get tested. That you just never know. Remind her that he slept with someone else, if he slept with her after that other girl, then in a way not only did he sleep with them both, he also exposed her to EVERYONE ELSE that other girl slept with too!

Well said.  I agree. 

rosebud727
by Rose on Sep. 17, 2012 at 12:18 AM

Are you comfortable talking to your daughter about most subjects? If so, then remind her what an awesome person she is and that all her family and friend think this.

As for getting tested for STD's I'm pretty up front with my daughter's and will start some conversations with "your using protection right?" which will then be met with an affirmative response. This is where you can add, since he was cheating maybe you should go and get checked out just to be sure.

Hugs mama, I know it's tough. My daughters are also hours away and I wish my arms were like rubber to extend that needed hug.

hugs

CoeyG
by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 12:34 AM

Leave her alone, if she wants to talk to you she will come to you.  

lisamarie1265
by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 2:02 AM
Let her her that you are there for her, and you support her... And that you love her. What happened is by no means her fault. If she is not ready to talk about it yet, then again remind her that when she is ready your there.
However you should suggest that since he cheated on her, he could have cheated on others and yes she should be tested for her own health and well being. Let her know that if she is scared you will go with her, .. She's only 19 she's going through a lot and is probably scared... Be kind, be gentle, be loving...that's what a mom is for. Good luck and I wish the best for your daughter and you... Bless!!
lisamarie1265
by on Sep. 17, 2012 at 2:05 AM
Quoting rosebud727:

Are you comfortable talking to your daughter about most subjects? If so, then remind her what an awesome person she is and that all her family and friend think this.

As for getting tested for STD's I'm pretty up front with my daughter's and will start some conversations with "your using protection right?" which will then be met with an affirmative response. This is where you can add, since he was cheating maybe you should go and get checked out just to be sure.

Hugs mama, I know it's tough. My daughters are also hours away and I wish my arms were like rubber to extend that needed hug.

hugs




Very well put I agree 100%.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)