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My depression with my Adult Sons

Posted by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:01 PM
  • 19 Replies

I'm a mom with two adult sons.  Twenty and twenty two.  My twenty two year old has given me problems since he was twelve.  First it was telling me he hated me to hitting me back and now calling me a f*(*&n bitch.  I was a single mom for a while until I met my husband.  He's been their CYO coach, mentor and father.  He's been great and very patient.  I've tried to get him help for his anger but he always ends up stopping his sessions.  I always felt if he could hit me he would hit anyone he dated.  One of the last times he pushed me I made him leave, called the police and they escorted him out of my house.  He moved in with his girlfriend and parents until that night came.  He hit her.  Of course when her father found out he kicked him out.  He lived there for about a year.  When he was kicked out he asked if he could come back and stated he was tired of being the way he was and needed help.  My husband, son and I made the choice together.  We decided to let him come back home. 

Of course once home we were all walking on egg shells wondering when his next episode would occur.  We called them episodes because they happened every year.  Well we lasted almost a year and the latest episode happened again, a month ago.  He went on to call me crippled, bitch, sorry excuse for a mother and so on.  I told him to leave and told him he would never be welcomed here again.  I told him as far as I was concerned I only had one son and only he was welcomed.  The sad thing about this is that I miss my son and still want to be part of his life.  I have never been involved with any man who physically or mentally abused me.  The sad thing is I have a son who does this.  I don't know anymore how to help him. We haven't talked at all.  I cry eveyday and this week I found myself not being able to get out of bed, therefore I have missed work for three days.  I don't want to be like this, and my husband doesn't understand my depression.  Things I should laugh about make me cry.  As soon as my alarm rings in the morning I get anxiety thinking I have to get up.  I feel when people look at me they know I'm depressed and I have a son he treats me the way he does.  I feel I cannot ever trust him but yet can't imagine not having both my sons in my life. 

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:01 PM
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by Gold Member on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:42 PM
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*hugs and hugs*

I'm so sorry. You tried everything you knew to do. Not allowing him to hurt you is a good decision. Now get yourself some help for your depression.

Maybe even some family counseling with your sons and husband would help.

Take care of YOU. You will always love him but you can't help the unwilling. After a while, perhaps you can say you are sorry for what you said and put limits in place that will allow you to have your son in your life without violence or fear of it.

by Jeanine on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:49 PM

 Has your son ever been treated for depression?  Depression in men often manifests itself as anger.  Sounds like you both need to be treated.  (((hugs)))

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:57 PM

 Your son needs help. You should not disown him. You should also not allow him to abuse you. Write him a letter and tell him how you feel.

As for your depression, its gone beyond the "blues" and you definately need to seek medical help for it. There is no shame in that either. Many of us, including myself have to get help. Please do as you only have this one life to live and you deserve to be happy.

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

What I found very interesting is that you said he hit you back.  As in you hit him first.  As in he grew up with you hitting him, as in you taught him to hit so naturally he wound up hitting you back, what were yiou expecting?  

It is only natural he would have anger issues, you gave him that anger from childhood.  Now you want him to behave and work on his anger issues.  If you hadn't have hit  him to begin with he wouldn't have these issues.  

You need conseling as much as your son does, if not more.  Because you are blaming your son for something you created

by Esme on Sep. 19, 2012 at 3:07 PM

 I think he should see a physiatrist and see if there is a diagnosis. Then he can move forward with his life. Family counseling sounds like a good idea also.

by Bronze Member on Sep. 19, 2012 at 3:27 PM

hugs  It sounds like you (and your son if you can get him to do it) could benefit from talking to a therapist about your relationship with your son.

by on Sep. 19, 2012 at 5:38 PM

I'm so sorry, your son needs serious help and until he gets it you are safer without him around. I hope your husband stands by your side and that your son finds help.

Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group :)
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by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 12:11 AM

Hugs to you hon,
Your ds needs help asap.
If he knows this & is willing to accept help that is half the battle ..
Let us know what is happening & good luck :)

Join us at
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by on Sep. 20, 2012 at 8:27 AM

Just a quick question....where is his Father in all of this?

by Silver Member on Sep. 20, 2012 at 8:42 AM

I have a hateful mean son,he has never ever hit me,He has called me names.You can;t go thru life letting your son rule you,One of the best things is see him for awhile,don;t let him move back home,And take care of you,he makes his own choices in life.You need to get well,let it go,He will find his way back homehugs

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