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My home is a battle zone and I am caught in the crossfire!

Posted by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 11:09 PM
  • 24 Replies

I need help!  We have three adult children living at home.  Two are our of high school and one is a senior.  The two older ones are constantly disrespecting our home and it is causing HAVOCK!  My husband is a yeller and he is tired of the frustrating lack of respect.  They don't do much around the house.  One doesn't work and refuses to help my husband with his business.  If he does nag him out of bed to go to work with him he mopes around and makes it miserable.  He hates working with his dad, so he does the work half heartedly (at best).  This causes friction between the two of them.  They don't want to do much at home, only the BARE minimum after we nag for several days. This afternoon my husband and I went to a movie and when we came home our 19 almost 20 year old was watching one television downstairs and his t.v. was on in his room (lights and t.v.'s are husband's pet peeve and has ALWAYS been an issue with our kids) when he went in to turn it off he noticed that he also had left on a room space heater on high and the upstairs airconditioner was on full blast too!  My husband started yelling and my son looked at him like he was a mental patient and said something like, "it's not that big of a deal, just turn it off!"  Shit hit the fan!  My husband started yelling and screaming and waving his arms around screaming, "HOW MANY TIMES...??? He was cussing and ranting and my son stood there with a smirk, eyes glazed over, etc.  He cussed back and I was in the middle trying to calm my husband down and explain his frustration to my son. I thought they were going to come to blows! My husband looked foolish and laughable but I understand his frustration. My son is graduated from high school, working, living at home for free, spending his money like water, and paying nothing.  I am caught in the middle and I don't know what to do??  I don't think that it's okay for my husband to verbally abuse my son, but asking, reminding, reasoning, all those things don't work.  They still come and go when they want, don't pull their weight around the house, and expect us to be fine with that and get upset when we "nag" about everything.  Any advice??

by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 11:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by on Sep. 23, 2012 at 11:57 PM
4 moms liked this

My opinion... start charging for rent or give him 30 days to find his own apartment where he doesn't have to follow the house rules.  It's time for these boys to act like the adults that they think they are.



nana9106
by Darlene on Sep. 24, 2012 at 8:17 AM
Yup this

Quoting amonkeymom:

My opinion... start charging for rent or give him 30 days to find his own apartment where he doesn't have to follow the house rules.  It's time for these boys to act like the adults that they think they are.

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busygramma4
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 8:48 AM

The same

Quoting nana9106:

Yup this

Quoting amonkeymom:

My opinion... start charging for rent or give him 30 days to find his own apartment where he doesn't have to follow the house rules.  It's time for these boys to act like the adults that they think they are.


EireLass
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:22 AM
3 moms liked this

I didn't have to read the whole thing to form an opinion or idea.

Everyone sits down....The adults who are out of school, pay $ each week to live there, the school kid doesn't. Everyone is given a list of tasks with a schedule of when such tasks are to be completed (daily, weekly, etc). If you don't do it, hand over your key and see ya later.

Shellness
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:43 AM
3 moms liked this

We could go on and on and give you tons of ideas but really this is the only answer. IMO I would give them the 30 days because if they pay rent and still are disrespectful you will still be in the same boat. They have their own ideas about how to live so they need to get out of your house and live it up!!

Many of us have been in this situation!

Quoting amonkeymom:

My opinion... start charging for rent or give him 30 days to find his own apartment where he doesn't have to follow the house rules.  It's time for these boys to act like the adults that they think they are.


Why123
by Nancy on Sep. 24, 2012 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this

The only other thing I could add is after the 30 days, if there is no movement, wait for them to go out and change the locks.

Quoting amonkeymom:

My opinion... start charging for rent or give him 30 days to find his own apartment where he doesn't have to follow the house rules.  It's time for these boys to act like the adults that they think they are.


gr8d8n3mom
by Bronze Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

YES, many of us have been in ur shoes!

I agree, with the family meeting, Things are a changing! The kids out of school need to be paying rent or 30 days they are out. (I've had to do this) Take the TV's out of their rooms and Fans too and space heaters (unless they are ceiling fans) they are a privlidge to earn not a right,and are being abused!

I also agree with making a list of things that have to be done, if not done, more things go! OK, so ur younger son doesn't want to work with dad, then go flip burgers or make tacos or bag groceries. DO something!

OMGSH if I had a dollar for every light I turned off, I could take my DH on a cruise!, my SS's attitude, is he is eventually going back in there, and it takes more electricity to  shut it off,then back on  then to just leave it on! (ohh my DH showed him, where THAT was wrong) SS still left his light on! (he's in college now) I took the cord to the PS2 one time because he left that on and running one day and we wer all at the lake!(TV was on too!) Again, he was coming back to it! He remembered to turn THAT off after that!

Family POW WOW as calm as u can.


planning a wedding


CoeyG
by on Sep. 24, 2012 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

Are you charging the adults rent?  If not why not?  Did you actually sit down with them all with a contract did you have the rules for living in your home in that contract?  Did you go over those rules with them?  Did you and they sign that contract?  

You need to start charging them rent, this means the one who doesn't work is going to have to find a job.  They should at least be able to clea up after themselves and help you when you request.  Their free time is just that theirs, they can come and go as they please but you should demand that they let you know approximately how long they will be gone and to let you know if they dont' plan on being home for bed.  

Remember they have been yelled at for most of their lives by your husband, he has taught them to yell back and disresppect you by doing so.   Kids learn what they are shown. 

mamamiajk
by Silver Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 11:11 AM

WOW....if I were you...I'd LEAVE and see how everyone funtions without someone do everything for them. Hugs

kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Sep. 24, 2012 at 11:18 AM

They would either tow the line by doing what you and your husband ask them to do or out the door they go. Especially the one thats already working. If he has money to waste he hasmoney for rent.

I went through the samething with my daughter,plus I'm raising her daughter and now have my 4 yo GS here now.  But it just got to the point me andmy husband said,"No more!"  We gave her 2 weeks to either find a job so she could pay us rent ad help with food and board or find herself somewhere else to live.  She chose to move out!   And it has relieved so much tension in this house.  And we also get along alot better also.

I think its about time your two oldest stand on their own 2 feet.

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