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What would you do? **Recap**

Posted by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:23 PM
  • 18 Replies

 MiL sent me a long text asking me to go to her fathers on Sunday Dh's grandfathers and take him to see her mother and get him dinner and make sure he takes his meds.  She will be out of town again for the weekend in the RV. This will be the 3rd weekend in a row that they have gone gallivanting in the RV.

 I dont really want to do this, this is a huge, huge  favor to her.  You know how I feel about her and how they try and take advantage of my generosity.  I really dont feel like it is my responsibility.  She has two siblings and I think they should pitch in and help.  I have never asked her for anything and when she visits she never asks how I am doing or whats going on with me and never asks about Dd.  If I do start talking about whats going on with me she will take over the conversation and twist it so that it is all about her or what ever she is going through.    So I feel like she dosent even really really care about me and this would take a huge chunk of my only day to get caught up on house chores.

 I will be going to go see Fs on Saturday all day leaving early and coming home late so Sunday is the only day I have to do my house chores, laundry, tidying up, etc.  This is the day she wants me to do this.   I feel on the other hand that if I dont do it she will be bitter about it and secretly hold a grudge.  I feel really put out that she is even asking me to do this.  I dont have a mother and I wanted her to be my mother figure and she just didnt feel it or step up to the plate.  Just even calling Me not dh and inquiring about how I am doing would be huge for me. It would mean the world to me but she cant even do that in person.   Dh has to work on Sunday or else Im sure she would ask him to do it. I dont want to do this.........

What would you do if you were in my position?    Oh I like grandpa, he dosent really say much, just sits back and eats his food and drinks his beer. 

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bleacheddecay
by Silver Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 8:48 PM

Don't do anything you don feel comfortable doing. Especially for someone who does nothing for you. 

EireLass
by Gold Member on Oct. 4, 2012 at 9:56 PM
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I would just say that your husband isn't available, she'll have to get someone else.

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Oct. 4, 2012 at 10:25 PM
1 mom liked this

It is NOT your responsibility.  You should tell her that both you and your husband are not available.   You can just say, "perhaps some other time, if I am free".   Why should they go off having a good time in their RV, and you be expected to give up your free time because she just doesn't want to?  

louannwilkins
by Louann on Oct. 5, 2012 at 7:49 AM

I know how you feel and I don't blame you.  What does your dh say about it?  Me...if we had a good relationship (with the mil) then I'd probably do it but under the circumstances I don't think I'd do it.  I mean, it's not your responsibility for one and for another she has siblings.  Let them do it.  You have limited time for the weekend and have things you want and need to do so....let her figure it out.  That's just my 2 cents.   :)

kam013
by Silver Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 8:07 AM

I would politely explain to her that you already have plans for the weekend and that she should ask one of her Siblings to take care of their Father.

I would further explain, maybe at a later date, that although you don't mind helping out on occasion you do have your own obligations to tend to over the weekends since you work all week.  Suggest that she set up a rotating schedule with her siblings so that she is free once in a while too, emphasis that the burden of caring for her Father should fall on the shoulders of all of HIS children.  

ETA:  I would also suggest to her to look into companion care for him if he is alone alot.  Someone to come in a feed him, chat or read to him on occasion.  Some medical insurances will cover this sort of thing (within reason) if the individual is not capable of taking care of themselves.

Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 5, 2012 at 9:08 AM

If I had other things I'd planned on doing, I'd probably say can't Aunt Mary or Uncle George do it? And if they can't or aren't reliable, then agree graciously to do it. Asking like this would alert her to maybe find someone else next time. Grandfather is an important member of the family, and helping him should not be considered a terrible burden, but I agree that the siblings should have first responsibility. I understand your MIL needing time away.  My mom needs care, and it costs $600 a day on weekends for around the clock companion care- her insurance doesn't cover it at all since she is able to feed herself and get to the bathroom on her own.

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:43 AM

 I talked to dh last night and he agreed that it is not my responsibility that he is going to try and get off early so that he can take him.    I told him if anything  that I would be willing to get him dinner and his meds for the evening but I didnt really have time to take him to the home. 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:46 AM

 This is what gets me is that this is the third weekend in a row that they have gone somewhere in the RV and were all supposed to go camping next weekend. So that would be four weekends for her in a row.  Sounds like she is passing the buck....... but why to me?

Quoting DesignGirl450:

It is NOT your responsibility.  You should tell her that both you and your husband are not available.   You can just say, "perhaps some other time, if I am free".   Why should they go off having a good time in their RV, and you be expected to give up your free time because she just doesn't want to?  

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:49 AM
1 mom liked this

 Well thats the kicker, IF I had a good relationship then it would be different. Then  I would be happy to help her out.  Dh is going to do it, Im off the hook.

Quoting louannwilkins:

I know how you feel and I don't blame you.  What does your dh say about it?  Me...if we had a good relationship (with the mil) then I'd probably do it but under the circumstances I don't think I'd do it.  I mean, it's not your responsibility for one and for another she has siblings.  Let them do it.  You have limited time for the weekend and have things you want and need to do so....let her figure it out.  That's just my 2 cents.   :)

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:51 AM

 Im wondering if she had her sister help out the past two weekends and has run out of options and I am a last resort.  They also have her niece taking care of him during the week. I think they also have a nurse that comes in and cooks for his etc.  She must not work on weekends.

Quoting kam013:

I would politely explain to her that you already have plans for the weekend and that she should ask one of her Siblings to take care of their Father.

I would further explain, maybe at a later date, that although you don't mind helping out on occasion you do have your own obligations to tend to over the weekends since you work all week.  Suggest that she set up a rotating schedule with her siblings so that she is free once in a while too, emphasis that the burden of caring for her Father should fall on the shoulders of all of HIS children.  

ETA:  I would also suggest to her to look into companion care for him if he is alone alot.  Someone to come in a feed him, chat or read to him on occasion.  Some medical insurances will cover this sort of thing (within reason) if the individual is not capable of taking care of themselves.

 

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