Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

What would you do? **Recap**

Posted by   + Show Post

 MiL sent me a long text asking me to go to her fathers on Sunday Dh's grandfathers and take him to see her mother and get him dinner and make sure he takes his meds.  She will be out of town again for the weekend in the RV. This will be the 3rd weekend in a row that they have gone gallivanting in the RV.

 I dont really want to do this, this is a huge, huge  favor to her.  You know how I feel about her and how they try and take advantage of my generosity.  I really dont feel like it is my responsibility.  She has two siblings and I think they should pitch in and help.  I have never asked her for anything and when she visits she never asks how I am doing or whats going on with me and never asks about Dd.  If I do start talking about whats going on with me she will take over the conversation and twist it so that it is all about her or what ever she is going through.    So I feel like she dosent even really really care about me and this would take a huge chunk of my only day to get caught up on house chores.

 I will be going to go see Fs on Saturday all day leaving early and coming home late so Sunday is the only day I have to do my house chores, laundry, tidying up, etc.  This is the day she wants me to do this.   I feel on the other hand that if I dont do it she will be bitter about it and secretly hold a grudge.  I feel really put out that she is even asking me to do this.  I dont have a mother and I wanted her to be my mother figure and she just didnt feel it or step up to the plate.  Just even calling Me not dh and inquiring about how I am doing would be huge for me. It would mean the world to me but she cant even do that in person.   Dh has to work on Sunday or else Im sure she would ask him to do it. I dont want to do this.........

What would you do if you were in my position?    Oh I like grandpa, he dosent really say much, just sits back and eats his food and drinks his beer. 

by on Oct. 4, 2012 at 7:23 PM
Replies (11-18):
LadySaphira
by Lisa on Oct. 5, 2012 at 4:35 PM

This is what  would have said but Kerry beat me too it lol

Quoting kam013:

I would politely explain to her that you already have plans for the weekend and that she should ask one of her Siblings to take care of their Father.

I would further explain, maybe at a later date, that although you don't mind helping out on occasion you do have your own obligations to tend to over the weekends since you work all week.  Suggest that she set up a rotating schedule with her siblings so that she is free once in a while too, emphasis that the burden of caring for her Father should fall on the shoulders of all of HIS children.  

ETA:  I would also suggest to her to look into companion care for him if he is alone alot.  Someone to come in a feed him, chat or read to him on occasion.  Some medical insurances will cover this sort of thing (within reason) if the individual is not capable of taking care of themselves.


Click on my siggy to help find a cure for cancer!

boys2men2soon
by Member on Oct. 5, 2012 at 8:20 PM

I would tell her that I am sorry, but I have other plans and will not be available.




Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 8, 2012 at 5:24 PM

 So Dh and I both took Grandpa to the nursing home to see Grandma.  It was a really old building. Grandpa said it was the building of the first hospital ever in that town.  it didnt really smell to bad but when we passed one of the rooms a lady was yelling out. " Help me, Help me somebody please"  As she was wriggling in her bed. Dh and I looked at each other like, should we help her or what?  The nurse station was 10 feet away and I knew they could hear her.  But she did this every time someone passed her room.  We had to take this old fashioned elevator up, the kind that has the metal gate to close the door.  They said that Grandma was up right in front of the elevator.  Sure enough when we came out of the elevator Grandma was sitting there in her wheel chair along with about 5 others all waiting for someone to take them down to the dining area for dinner.  Grandma didnt know who I was and she didnt seem to know who Dh was either.  She didnt really talk much which is odd for her.  We stayed an hour. I found these really cool pine cone flowers.  They are pine cones that broke apart and lay like a flower.  So cool, so I collected the ones in the parking lot and will make something out of them someday.  I just thought they were the coolest thing and I have never seen anything like it before.

 Then we then took Grandpa to our house for dinner.  He had a nice home cooked meal and then I made sure he took the left overs which covered a couple of meals.   Dh was talking to MiL last night Via text.  I have yet to receive a thank you.

CoeyG
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:32 PM

I would tell her that my weekend was busy and that she should call upon one of her siblings to check up on her father.  

Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:32 PM

I am glad you took care of him and that you visited Grandma. It is sad when they don't seem to know what is going on. My aunt is in this condition, although we have been able to get a little response from her from time to time, but she is refusing food now, so I don't know...

About the thanks-   what you did was a good thing.  A very good thing.  Don't be disappointed if the people you are looking for thanks from don't give it.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 So Dh and I both took Grandpa to the nursing home to see Grandma.  It was a really old building. Grandpa said it was the building of the first hospital ever in that town.  it didnt really smell to bad but when we passed one of the rooms a lady was yelling out. " Help me, Help me somebody please"  As she was wriggling in her bed. Dh and I looked at each other like, should we help her or what?  The nurse station was 10 feet away and I knew they could hear her.  But she did this every time someone passed her room.  We had to take this old fashioned elevator up, the kind that has the metal gate to close the door.  They said that Grandma was up right in front of the elevator.  Sure enough when we came out of the elevator Grandma was sitting there in her wheel chair along with about 5 others all waiting for someone to take them down to the dining area for dinner.  Grandma didnt know who I was and she didnt seem to know who Dh was either.  She didnt really talk much which is odd for her.  We stayed an hour. I found these really cool pine cone flowers.  They are pine cones that broke apart and lay like a flower.  So cool, so I collected the ones in the parking lot and will make something out of them someday.  I just thought they were the coolest thing and I have never seen anything like it before.

 Then we then took Grandpa to our house for dinner.  He had a nice home cooked meal and then I made sure he took the left overs which covered a couple of meals.   Dh was talking to MiL last night Via text.  I have yet to receive a thank you.


louannwilkins
by Louann on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:02 PM

 Not even a thank you.....I think it I were you the next time I saw or talked to her I would say Oh you're so very welcome!!!  It would be priceless to see her face or hear what she said to that.  How rude!!!   You're a good girl!   :)

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:37 PM
I know I shouldn't but I really made an effort and went the extra mile. Some kind of acknowledgement would be nice. It saddens me.

Quoting Bmat:

I am glad you took care of him and that you visited Grandma. It is sad when they don't seem to know what is going on. My aunt is in this condition, although we have been able to get a little response from her from time to time, but she is refusing food now, so I don't know...

About the thanks-   what you did was a good thing.  A very good thing.  Don't be disappointed if the people you are looking for thanks from don't give it.

Quoting Esmrlda:

 So Dh and I both took Grandpa to the nursing home to see Grandma.  It was a really old building. Grandpa said it was the building of the first hospital ever in that town.  it didnt really smell to bad but when we passed one of the rooms a lady was yelling out. " Help me, Help me somebody please"  As she was wriggling in her bed. Dh and I looked at each other like, should we help her or what?  The nurse station was 10 feet away and I knew they could hear her.  But she did this every time someone passed her room.  We had to take this old fashioned elevator up, the kind that has the metal gate to close the door.  They said that Grandma was up right in front of the elevator.  Sure enough when we came out of the elevator Grandma was sitting there in her wheel chair along with about 5 others all waiting for someone to take them down to the dining area for dinner.  Grandma didnt know who I was and she didnt seem to know who Dh was either.  She didnt really talk much which is odd for her.  We stayed an hour. I found these really cool pine cone flowers.  They are pine cones that broke apart and lay like a flower.  So cool, so I collected the ones in the parking lot and will make something out of them someday.  I just thought they were the coolest thing and I have never seen anything like it before.


 Then we then took Grandpa to our house for dinner.  He had a nice home cooked meal and then I made sure he took the left overs which covered a couple of meals.   Dh was talking to MiL last night Via text.  I have yet to receive a thank you.


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 8, 2012 at 7:41 PM
She was texting dh a long time last night. Maybe he got the thank you. I guess it was all him. ; ). He said to me after thank you for going with me today. I said no thank you for going with me!

Quoting louannwilkins:

 Not even a thank you.....I think it I were you the next time I saw or talked to her I would say Oh you're so very welcome!!!  It would be priceless to see her face or hear what she said to that.  How rude!!!   You're a good girl!   :)

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN