Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Am I the only crazy person here??

Posted by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:11 AM
  • 29 Replies
I must be nuts... I welcome my adult daughter 22 living at home.... She has interest in moving on, but right now she is getting on her feet.. She just finished college...btw she has been in college since she was 16yrs old. She graduated from community college shortly after high school graduation with an associates degree in liberal arts, she just graduated from Ursuline College a perfect 4.0 honors student, Suma Cum Laude. She interned 2 semesters at a local NBC affiliate in Cleveland and was hired on full time as a news assistant. Just recently she was offered a created position for her at Ursuline she is head of Marketing and Social Media. She has her own office full benefits, and makes $19 to start with a raise in 6 mos, not to mention she has Sjogrens Syndrome an auto immune disease to deal with daily, sooo why am I saying all of this... She lives at home and we have NO problem with her living here... Our girls are always welcome in their home ... My oldest daughter chose a different path, she married and moved into her own home. But our youngest lives here, she pays rent, pays for her truck, her insurance, her own clothing ect... I buy the food, the toiletries, ect... Just like I always have. My daughter is a responsible, smart, young woman, she has a nice boyfriend but right now has no want to move out... And we are fine with that. Why do they have to go??? If they work hard, contribute to the household, and are responsible why can't adult kids live at home. My brother lived at home until he was 36, he worked a full time job in addition to caring for the house while my parents worked... He did all the maintanence with my dad, paid rent, ect ect... He now is married owns his own home has one child of his own and raised my sil 2 children from young ages. Point is my mother never thought to make him leave ... There was no need for it. Am I insane???? I have raised two responsible, hard working young women, one is out on her own the other is home until she to is ready to be out ... But this is thier home, They will never be turned away even if someday they fall on hard times and need a place to seek comfort ... I hope I don't get bashed this is just me speaking up a little... Btw my husband has lived in this house since he was 4yrs old.... He has 5 siblings. His father passed away when he was 10yrs old in 1965 ... Through the years his siblings left one by one..he stayed with his mother in her home... I moved in here when I was pregnant, we were married and stayed here... We lived with his mom in her home until she became ill with Parkinson's 10yrs Later... I cared for her as did my 10yr old and 5yr old until my sil's thought to put her in a nursing home... But because we stayed here with her she was able to live at least the first 4yrs of her disease in her own home.. Isn't it good to have adult kids living with you sometimes??? We bought this house from her under her direct order .... This was my husbands home as a child and was our daughters home as children and will always be their home...no matter their circumstances. Just an opinion just a thought.... : - )
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:11 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
ChitownLady
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:22 AM

Extended families seem to be the norm recently. Your daughter recently finished school, she needs to save some money so when she does decide to move out she will have it. As long as she is contributing in some way, there shouldn't be an issue with that. My daughter moved back home several times to get her feet back on the ground, but she didn't contribute to anything, I had to practically threaten her that if she wanted to stay, she would have to at least help out with something! There were times I did ask her to move out because of it, but then, there was a next time......

 It sounds like you have a well adjusted daughter, and family,  so why are you worried?

Nanamom127
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:40 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't see a thing wrong with this. My first daughter got married after college. My second daughter lived home after college. She finished her master's degree, got a job, and moved out. Always welcome here... This is her home.
lisamarie1265
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 8:48 AM
Oh I am not worried... I guess I was just venting a little, seems like so many are against adult kids living at home, but yes I see your point and fully agree there must be contribution, ... For awhile education was our top priority, but as they got older they had to find jobs to pay thier share. And they did... Again I guess I was just venting some... Adult kids should always find a way to make thier way, but I would never deny my child access to her home. Just an opinion : - )
Every family is different and every parent knows what's best for thier own family..
homeskoolmama
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 9:23 AM

I don't see anything wrong with adult kids living at home especially if like yours they help out and are productive, the problem is when parents enable their adult kids in not working and being responsible. 

Our oldest will be 21 in December and lives at home, he just graduated college the end of March and has been working full time for a month now. he did not work while in school but that was the option we gave him, that enabled him to focus on school since he was going 6 days a week. He pays his own bills but is not paying rent as of right now. We love our boys and love having them here. We have had a few bumps in the road but I am glad they are here and that the bumps were not big and we were able to guide them through.

Our youngest will be 19 in a few weeks but is leaving 2 weeks after his bday for the AF. He has been working full time and going to college full time since he graduated high school at 17.

My oldest is 25 and has lived on his own since he was 18, his decision. he works 40+ hours a week, takes care of his 2 yo and his fiances 9 yo, pays his bills, owns a car, truck, and is secure.

to each his own.

Do what is best for your family. I like having my boys here, I am also looking forward to their futures, not because they will leave but because it will mean I did a good job. IMO

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:10 AM

I am one that is trying to get my 27 year old daughter and granddaughter to move.  That is just my situation.   I have come to the conclusion there is no right or wrong answer to children living at home.  I also believe it is up to the parents to make that decision as to what works for their situation.  The important thing is the relationship has to be respectful and it must not deter the maturing process of the adult child.  In my situation my daughter has a bad sense of entitlement that does not work for me- at all.  She is displaying some real disrespect with her attitude of not speaking, not cleaning up their dishes, rooms, bathroom, not contibuting financially to anything (food and housing) and showing no appreciation for babysitting or anything else provided.  I mean really - she gets their lunch containers out of her car every few days - dumps them on the counter and walks away.  I know I should just leave them, but I can't, and as an adult and head of my household - I choose not to live this way any longer now that she can afford to care for herself and her daughter.  I love her dearly, but my choice is to live alone.  She needs to mature by taking on the full responsibility of being an adult and raising her daughter.  I will gladly be a grandma and a good safety net for them. 

The issue of extended families living together depends on the situation and what works.  It sounds like it works for you!  My case - it does not work.

 

 

Why123
by Nancy on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:12 AM

My son and his family are living with me.  They help out a lot.  All of my daughters have passed through at one time or another.  I don't mind any of them being here.

Shellness
by Michell on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:33 AM

 No, I agree. Although it would be nice to live in a home with only my husband (we have never had that as we are a blended family) if the young adult is a contributing factor in the family and a joy, I would not have an issue either. Now at 36 I might be pushing them to move out, lol! Sometimes our children DO need to be pushed because they don't want to grow up. They are not acting like adults. Thats the situations we are talking about when we want them to leave. Also, sometimes the kids are doing drugs, are abusive, things like that and the moms NEED to make them leave.

Bmat
by Barb on Oct. 8, 2012 at 10:35 AM

I loved having my sons living here. I was sad when they were pressured by others to leave, but I understood that since that is what they wanted, then that's the way it was going to be. They know they are welcome here. Living here, though, means that they have to follow basic house rules, and depending on their circumstances and the length of stay, contribute to the household income at least.

hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group :)
Yesterday at 11:16 PM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:23 AM

I don't see anything wrong with it,
So nice that your dd's are responsible as well.
I think as long as they do like yours .. it all works out for the better that way :)

KartofflMuter
by Member on Oct. 8, 2012 at 11:23 AM

I'm crazy but it's because my son left for college at 18 and never looked back. My daughter stayed home til the second year of Community College. She didn't eve have a driver's license so one day we came home with a slightly used blue VW -her dream car. 2 weeks later,she had a license and a job. She now has a Masters in Psych,a good job as head of HR for a large company in Shreveport traveling from Las Vegas to Chcago to Cinncinatti to troubleshoot, and we miss her,but we are very proud. Our youngest, my darling, adopted another family,lied about us,and I haven't seen her since she was 18,unless she wants to steal or get money.Yes.I'm crazy.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)