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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Am I the only crazy person here??

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I must be nuts... I welcome my adult daughter 22 living at home.... She has interest in moving on, but right now she is getting on her feet.. She just finished college...btw she has been in college since she was 16yrs old. She graduated from community college shortly after high school graduation with an associates degree in liberal arts, she just graduated from Ursuline College a perfect 4.0 honors student, Suma Cum Laude. She interned 2 semesters at a local NBC affiliate in Cleveland and was hired on full time as a news assistant. Just recently she was offered a created position for her at Ursuline she is head of Marketing and Social Media. She has her own office full benefits, and makes $19 to start with a raise in 6 mos, not to mention she has Sjogrens Syndrome an auto immune disease to deal with daily, sooo why am I saying all of this... She lives at home and we have NO problem with her living here... Our girls are always welcome in their home ... My oldest daughter chose a different path, she married and moved into her own home. But our youngest lives here, she pays rent, pays for her truck, her insurance, her own clothing ect... I buy the food, the toiletries, ect... Just like I always have. My daughter is a responsible, smart, young woman, she has a nice boyfriend but right now has no want to move out... And we are fine with that. Why do they have to go??? If they work hard, contribute to the household, and are responsible why can't adult kids live at home. My brother lived at home until he was 36, he worked a full time job in addition to caring for the house while my parents worked... He did all the maintanence with my dad, paid rent, ect ect... He now is married owns his own home has one child of his own and raised my sil 2 children from young ages. Point is my mother never thought to make him leave ... There was no need for it. Am I insane???? I have raised two responsible, hard working young women, one is out on her own the other is home until she to is ready to be out ... But this is thier home, They will never be turned away even if someday they fall on hard times and need a place to seek comfort ... I hope I don't get bashed this is just me speaking up a little... Btw my husband has lived in this house since he was 4yrs old.... He has 5 siblings. His father passed away when he was 10yrs old in 1965 ... Through the years his siblings left one by one..he stayed with his mother in her home... I moved in here when I was pregnant, we were married and stayed here... We lived with his mom in her home until she became ill with Parkinson's 10yrs Later... I cared for her as did my 10yr old and 5yr old until my sil's thought to put her in a nursing home... But because we stayed here with her she was able to live at least the first 4yrs of her disease in her own home.. Isn't it good to have adult kids living with you sometimes??? We bought this house from her under her direct order .... This was my husbands home as a child and was our daughters home as children and will always be their home...no matter their circumstances. Just an opinion just a thought.... : - )
by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 1:11 AM
Replies (21-29):
suesues
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:52 AM

thats great she is a responsible adult not  free loader in this economy who could afford to move out. we feel stay home and save all you can so one day you could own  a condo or home rather then pay rent to a stranger as long as they picht in its great although never have time alone with hubby they always out anyway

LEK19
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 11:49 AM

Whatever works well for all involved!!!

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:12 PM

I agree with what you and others have said, that as long as your young adult children are working, and/or attending college or university nearby, it is fine that the parents are still helping them by having them remain at home.  My daughter, 20, is still at home but taking a semester off.  I enjoy her company, she is smart, well read and interesting.  However, she is rather a sybarite and prefers to be out with her friends having a good time instead of helping me with anything at home.  Her bedroom and bathroom are always a mess, and we have had a lot of confrontational issues about that.  She still plans on moving to Europe next year, though, so I know I will miss having her around. 

gottaluvmee
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 2:07 PM

Although I don't live at home, my moms house will always be my home. I have always knew I would never be homeless no matter what. I am 40 yrs old and although throught out my life I have only had to move back home twice. Knowing you always have a "back up" plan is a great thing. I could not imagine my mom telling me to never come back or nope sorry you moved out you can't come back. My moms house her doors are always open, still to this day even though she is gone now I still know I have a home! That to me is what family does, I say support your children in what they want as long as they are helping themselves, I say GOOD FOR YOU!

CoeyG
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:45 PM


Quoting jdy9440:

How much rent should a parent charge an adult child? My 20 yr old still lives with us and I'm fine, if he pulls his weight and helps out.

I have lived in apartments since her father and I split, once she turned 18 Shannon paid half the rent as well as taking one or two of the utiliy bills and pitching in for groceries. 

busygramma4
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:45 PM

I see absolutely nothing wrong w/ your situation and your dd living at home or any oter where the chlld is helping support the household and js respectfuland pleasant. Or if they are working their way through school and are respedctful.

it's when they are lazy , disrectful, on drugs and /or alcohol, stealing, causing problems in the family that's where the issues come into play.



                                          

terri-553
by Silver Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:42 PM

I am thinking that what works for one family unit,doesn;t work for everyone.We,are happy to be empty-nesters finally,Our kid quite paying $100.00 a month.After all we raised ours to be able to move,Everyone has their own ideas about families.And I am not being hateful/judging

TattooedMomto4
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 7:24 PM

 If you are then so am I. We have our 26yo son, our 22yo son and our 20yo son along with our 20yo's almost 19yo gf (she shares a room with our 20yo and 22yo son so it's not a love nest up there, lol....she just happens to have no where else to live and she's a Senior in high school so she needs a stable home to live in while she finishes school) living here. In Nov. our 24yo son will be back here (he's been in another state for 5 years and has been incarcerated for the last 13 mos. and is coming home & needs his family to help him get back on his feet). The 26 and 22yos were both in the Army and when they got out (in 2010 and this past June) they moved back here. They are both in college (since this past Jan. and this past Sept.) and in Jan. both are transferring to Kent State and will live on campus. Our 20yo has been in college since 2010 and he lived out of state for the first 1 1/2 years he was in college, developed health issues that took him off the football team and he transferred to Lakeland (community college) and now lives here while he goes to school. His gf will be going to PA for college once she graduates from high school.

We are fine with them living here while they are in school as long as they pay their own bills (all 3 of my sons ahve car payments plus car insurance and cell phone bills that they pay), buy their own clothes and their own hygiene products and contribute to some of our household expenses (groceries, water and electric....we spend approx. $800 a month to feed everyone plus extra water and electric add up so they each pay $150 a month to help out). They also keep their spaces clean and help out around the house, do their own laundry, etc.. The 2 who were in the military get a monthly allowance for going to school and work and our 20yo works and takes out enough loan wise to cover his monthly expenses (car payment, car insurance and cell phone bill) while he goes to college and works (makes about $1,000 a month so paying $150 a month to live here isn't a hardship). They don't have any issues with those things. They know that $150 a month for rent is cheap and they don't expect me to keep up with their rooms and laundry (though when they are very busy I do help them out since I am at home all day.

Once they are all out of college they all plan to have jobs and their own places. None of them  want to live here forever but with the cost of rent and utilities it just makes sense to live here if they aren't living on campus while they attend college. The only big issue we have is that our house was initially a 3 bedroom/1 bath house that we lost in a fire and when it was re-built (at the time 1 was in the Army, 1 was fine in TX, 1 was living with a friend a few blocks away and the other was in college in PA)  we took out a bedroom and added a bathroom so now we have 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms and an unfinished basement. It's a little crowded. LOL As soon as we down sized everyone came back. LOL

DysphoniaBec
by Bronze Member on Oct. 10, 2012 at 12:47 AM

You are definitely NOT crazy.  You are probably one of the rare people who grew up in a healthy environment and carried that on to your own family.  A lot of us grew up in dysfunctional families and "didn't know what we didn't know" until later, if ever.  I was about 40 when I became aware of the dysfunction in my family of orgin and how that affected my parenting.  If only..... I knew then what I know now.   Be proud of who and what you and your family are!

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