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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Spin off of "Am I the Crazy one here?"

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Poll

Question: Please answer if you do or do not coddle your young adult in some way.

Options:

No way, they can do it themselves, my work is done.

I do things for them to make their lives easier.

I do things for them because it is easier. You know that saying if you want it done right do it yourself?

Yes I do in some ways coddle. Im their mother and like doing things for my child.

No way, how are they ever going to learn if you do it for them?


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 26

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It seems as if some people like having their children live with them and some like their clean quiet empty nests..........so it makes me wonder if when your adult children DO live with you, do you find yourself doing things for them that you have always done?   Things you dont have to do but do anyway?    Like wash their dishes, even it its a plate, knife and cup,  make them a meal, wipre down after them, clean their bathroom, run an errand, do their laundry, little things.  Basically coddling them in some way?  Im not saying totally coddling them but in some way you do?  Something that you wouldnt do for anyone else or you would make someone do it them selves?

Do you think that sometimes children living at home expect these things to be done for them or are in some way demanding?

Please be honest.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Replies (11-20):
DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I do all the laundry anyhow, and cook the meals and grocery shop.  It's just the way it has always been.  Cassidy's room is her responsibility, but she doesn't do much in there, and could use a shot of Febreeze. 

LEK19
by Platinum Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 12:35 PM

If, by using the word coddle, you mean babying them then no I do not like to baby them. They need to do things for themselves.

Now there is a difference between that and doing special things for them once in a while. For example when I go visit my son and his family, if things have been hectic for them I will help spruce up around their house. I just consider it lending a hand. I would do the same for a friend, too.

nybor48
by Bronze Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 3:32 PM

 I will always do things for my kids... I'm trying to let go, but i just can't.  my dd is getting better about taking care of her business.  My son however right now wants me to call and make him a DR appt to get a wart burned off of his finger that he's been fighting for about a year now.  I told him I would be more that happy to call his pediatrition for him... lol  he's 22.  I will  make him call for his own appt.  But if he is at my house, I will cook and clean up after him.

Shellness
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:32 PM

I do some things for my son and yes sometimes he acts like he expects it. When this happens I put him in his place right away. If not, I don't think I am doing him any favors. He is 21 and is not maturing as quickly as I would want him too! He would stay home forever if I let him, but I'm not going to let him. I don't think that would be good for him. I want him to have his own place, his own freedom, see how good it feels, you know, to only have himself to answer to. 

Shellness
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:37 PM

Does she have RA? My dd Jamie who is 16 does and I understand completely this behavior. I will be there for her as long as she needs me and that may be forever. I don't care. She's independent though. I think she will end up getting married and HE will take over where she needs me. (for the most part anyway)

Quoting lisamarie1265:

Honestly.... Yes, I do the dishes, and cook as I have always done BUT becs will do the dishes, and she does her own laundry...that just started recently, lol!! She also cleans her bathroom but the girls have always cleaned thier own bathroom, they wanted it so with it came responsibility to keep it clean. I do coddle her, I am not going to BS, I do a lot for her... But it doesn't bother me, I don't think she "expects" them to be done for her, she is appreciative. Becs is my Baby... She works hard, and is a strong young woman, but she has a disease that at times the realization hits her and she needs me, she will cuddle next to me, ask me to just hold her because she's feelin scared. If her back aches I rub it..If the joints in her fingers hurt I massage her hands, It's hard for her, but she deals with it most of the time... So do I coddle her, and do more fr her at times.. Yes!! Its because I love her. I do for my older daughter also if I am at the farmers market I will pick them up the veggies they like, or if I see something cute for thier house I will buy it... But they too are appreciative they do Sunday Family dinner all the time... Whether its at their home, or they cook and bring it to gramma and poppa's or they come our house and cook.. . Guess you can say we all do for one another...


Shellness
by on Oct. 9, 2012 at 4:38 PM

You are a good Mom. I would do this too. I would find it fun actually to help straighten up.

Quoting LEK19:

If, by using the word coddle, you mean babying them then no I do not like to baby them. They need to do things for themselves.

Now there is a difference between that and doing special things for them once in a while. For example when I go visit my son and his family, if things have been hectic for them I will help spruce up around their house. I just consider it lending a hand. I would do the same for a friend, too.


kuntrylady56
by Gold Member on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:22 PM

When she was living here she was on her own besides for me fixing meals. If she was here she ate,if not I don't run a resturaunt,you don't come in at 1 or 2 in the morning and expect to pull stuff out and dirty dishes ect!  I'm helping her enough by raising her kids . I'll help her out if she needs it but I got tired of being her maid,cook and wash woman along time ago. When there was no returning of the favor or appreciation shown.

When she comes by for a visit or stay a day or two she is still expected to take care of herself and her mess.

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 9, 2012 at 5:58 PM

 I cant stand doing laundry. Its my most hated chore.  drowning in laundry

Quoting Bmat:

No,  I like to do laundry, so I would do their laundry, or not. I cooked anyway, so if they were here for a meal, they could eat what I fixed, or not. Otherwise they had their own lives except I wanted to know when to expect them home and how to reach them in an emergency.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 Thats great!  Your a good Mom.

Quoting Rileyscute:

When my daughter lived here..it would have been extraneous for me to do separate meals, separate dishes etc. I was doing those things anyway. Yes, I would sometimes fix her a sandwich for work if she was running behind..take care of her when she was sick (she has done that for me as well)

as far as coddling totally? no..

I think I made her too independent in many ways..she would not appreciate having to rely on us all the time..although is always appreciative if we do things for her

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:01 PM

My kids have always done their own laundry since they were 11 or 12.  It dosent sound like you coddle.  

Quoting homeskoolmama:

My kids do their own laundry and mostly buy their own meals away from home due to their scheudles. I cook for us all, so if they are there they eat. They do their own errands unless it is something they need help with and ask. I do for them but don't mind, love them and know that all too soon they'll be gone. I don't consider it coddling.

 

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