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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Spin off of "Am I the Crazy one here?"

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Poll

Question: Please answer if you do or do not coddle your young adult in some way.

Options:

No way, they can do it themselves, my work is done.

I do things for them to make their lives easier.

I do things for them because it is easier. You know that saying if you want it done right do it yourself?

Yes I do in some ways coddle. Im their mother and like doing things for my child.

No way, how are they ever going to learn if you do it for them?


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 26

View Results

It seems as if some people like having their children live with them and some like their clean quiet empty nests..........so it makes me wonder if when your adult children DO live with you, do you find yourself doing things for them that you have always done?   Things you dont have to do but do anyway?    Like wash their dishes, even it its a plate, knife and cup,  make them a meal, wipre down after them, clean their bathroom, run an errand, do their laundry, little things.  Basically coddling them in some way?  Im not saying totally coddling them but in some way you do?  Something that you wouldnt do for anyone else or you would make someone do it them selves?

Do you think that sometimes children living at home expect these things to be done for them or are in some way demanding?

Please be honest.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Replies (21-30):
Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 9, 2012 at 6:21 PM

 I could see why you would and I probably would too.  That is so thoughtful of them taking the grandparents dinner or having them over.  Very sweet girls.

Quoting lisamarie1265:

Honestly.... Yes, I do the dishes, and cook as I have always done BUT becs will do the dishes, and she does her own laundry...that just started recently, lol!! She also cleans her bathroom but the girls have always cleaned thier own bathroom, they wanted it so with it came responsibility to keep it clean. I do coddle her, I am not going to BS, I do a lot for her... But it doesn't bother me, I don't think she "expects" them to be done for her, she is appreciative. Becs is my Baby... She works hard, and is a strong young woman, but she has a disease that at times the realization hits her and she needs me, she will cuddle next to me, ask me to just hold her because she's feelin scared. If her back aches I rub it..If the joints in her fingers hurt I massage her hands, It's hard for her, but she deals with it most of the time... So do I coddle her, and do more fr her at times.. Yes!! Its because I love her. I do for my older daughter also if I am at the farmers market I will pick them up the veggies they like, or if I see something cute for thier house I will buy it... But they too are appreciative they do Sunday Family dinner all the time... Whether its at their home, or they cook and bring it to gramma and poppa's or they come our house and cook.. . Guess you can say we all do for one another...

 

TattooedMomto4
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:31 AM

 No, I don't coddle my adult sons who live at home. I AM a homemaker so there ARE some things that I do everyday. I do laundry every day and while my sons do most of their own laundry some things end up in the downstairs bathroom hamper and I wash it, dry it and put whatever I washed on the beds of whoever it belongs to. While I am waiting on my morning coffee I unload and load the dishwasher so I  do everyone's dishes. It takes a minute and isn't a bother. I always straighten up downstairs and if anything that belongs to others is on the table I take up to their beds. When I grocery shop I buy groceries for my sons & my 20yo's gf, they let me know what they want for breakfast, lunch and snacks and when I make supper (5-6 nights a week) I make enough for 6 of us and if someone is working I make a plate and put in the fridge (all leftover get put in to individual servings and put in the fridge, that makes it easier for anyone taking left over for lunch or heating up supper after work). Given that all 3 of my sons and my 20yo son's gf all contribute $100 each a month to food and that hubby and I are the only ones who go grocery shopping it just makes sense that we are the ones who buy their food. It wouldn't make too much sense for them to all shop and for us to also shop (they all do know how to grocery shop, they have all lived on their own before). They also have basic chores around here....they help with kitchen cleanup after supper if they are home, they feed and water the dogs, they let the dogs out, they take turns mowing the lawn, they take the trash out, they clean the yard (we have 5 dogs) and hubby and sons are in charge of taking turns to clean the downstairs bathroom. My son's gf and I share a bathroom upstairs and we take turns cleaning it. I am in charge of 3 rooms in this house (kitchen, living room and master bedroom) plus laundry and cooking. It's really not a  lot.

Coddling to me would be getting up in the morning and cooking everyone breakfast or making everyone's lunches for the day. My husband and sons all make their own breakfasts and lunches in the morning and I am still asleep when they leave for the day. They all get their own clothes for the day out, even hubby. My sons  & my 20yo's gf all clean their own rooms and do their own laundry (most of it, what doesn't stray in to the hampers). They all pay their own car payments, car insurance and cell phone bills with no financial help from hubby and I.  They also buy their own clothes, hygiene products, pay for themselves when they go out and and pay $150 each a month to help out with grocery expenses and extra water bill and electric bill expenses. So, they do "pull their own weight" around here. It works for us.

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Oct. 10, 2012 at 6:41 AM

I do cook for my adult kids, clean up after them (dishes), and do laundry but not every day and they also do those things for me.

mac1940
by Mary Ann on Oct. 10, 2012 at 2:49 PM

My kids no longer live at home and never did as adults.  I do do things for them when they come to visit or we go to visit them, but they in turn are johnny on the spot to do things for us.  My oldest son has to be related to the original cookie monster, so I quite often send him some of his favorites.  May quit that as postage is getting ridiculous.  When my daughter and her family visits, I usually load them up with this and that before they leave as I do my youngest.  When they visit I try to fix what I remember as their favorites and I also do some cooking in their homes of things they request. 

TinaW.
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 3:42 PM

Guilty as charged. I do things to make their lives easier if I possibly can. My oldest is pretty independent and helpful. But she's been going to school 3,000 miles from me, so when she's home I like to make her life easier and comforting. My youngest, not so much. She's going to school in the same state, so she lives here with me. Jeez, she drives me crazy sometimes. I definitely think she believes that these things should naturally be done for her still. I don't do her laundry until she hasn't done it for so long that she's run out of decent-looking clean clothes. But I'd like her to take up her plate TODAY, not tomorrow. I'd like her to (at least sometimes without me asking) clean the cat box of the cat that SHE begged me to take in. I think I deserve a courtesty phone call if she's not coming straight in so that I don't worry and think something happened to her. Is she demanding? Nooooo, not really. TAXING.frustrated

momsknowbest690
by on Oct. 10, 2012 at 8:20 PM

 No, I don't think you are any kookier than me ( or crazier either, lol). We all have our preferences, and that's what's making us all special. Anyway, although though my family has moved away I still get to spend time with them at their places and now instead of me dodding on them or giving some to them now they give back to me more than ever. Especially it's nice during holidays. I don't get to bewith them as much and I still miss their company, but when I do it seems so special to me. From, Margie ~ momsknowbest690.

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:47 PM

 So true, we all have our own love language's.

Quoting EireLass:

Thinking of the 5 different kids. If any one of them lived here, I would probably find myself doing something, but it wouldn't be the same for all.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:48 PM

 good

Quoting CoeyG:

I chose "I do in some ways coddle, I'm their mother and I like doing things for my child".  When we lived together she helped me and I would help her, that to me is what family is.  Helping one another, supporting each other, making life a wee bit easier for everyone.  Yes, I expected her to pull her own weight around here, to pitch in, to be responsible for her half.  

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:49 PM

 Sweet deal!   I need to take some writing

Quoting Why123:

My son and his family live with me and I can't say I do much coddling.  They do their own laundry, cook most of the meals, clean the house, cut the grass and do the gardening.  My son is a mechanic and does the majority of the work on my car.  I would say they coddle me not me them.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:50 PM

 happyThat is very loving.

Quoting teaching1972:

My kids all live at least three hours away from us.  When we go to visit, I try to take something that I have cooked or cook for them when I get there.  When they come home, I try to have the food they like to eat.  I remember my own mom often calling after I would get home from work and saying that she had made something extra like a cake or soup and that she was bringing it over.  I want to make that memory for my own family.  I prefer to think of it as loving, not  coddling. 

 

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