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Spin off of "Am I the Crazy one here?"

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Poll

Question: Please answer if you do or do not coddle your young adult in some way.

Options:

No way, they can do it themselves, my work is done.

I do things for them to make their lives easier.

I do things for them because it is easier. You know that saying if you want it done right do it yourself?

Yes I do in some ways coddle. Im their mother and like doing things for my child.

No way, how are they ever going to learn if you do it for them?


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 26

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It seems as if some people like having their children live with them and some like their clean quiet empty nests..........so it makes me wonder if when your adult children DO live with you, do you find yourself doing things for them that you have always done?   Things you dont have to do but do anyway?    Like wash their dishes, even it its a plate, knife and cup,  make them a meal, wipre down after them, clean their bathroom, run an errand, do their laundry, little things.  Basically coddling them in some way?  Im not saying totally coddling them but in some way you do?  Something that you wouldnt do for anyone else or you would make someone do it them selves?

Do you think that sometimes children living at home expect these things to be done for them or are in some way demanding?

Please be honest.

by on Oct. 8, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Replies (31-38):
Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:51 PM

 LOL I love that stuff!

Quoting DesignGirl450:

I do all the laundry anyhow, and cook the meals and grocery shop.  It's just the way it has always been.  Cassidy's room is her responsibility, but she doesn't do much in there, and could use a shot of Febreeze. 

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:52 PM

 Nice, Im sure they appreciate it.

Quoting LEK19:

If, by using the word coddle, you mean babying them then no I do not like to baby them. They need to do things for themselves.

Now there is a difference between that and doing special things for them once in a while. For example when I go visit my son and his family, if things have been hectic for them I will help spruce up around their house. I just consider it lending a hand. I would do the same for a friend, too.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:56 PM

 Whew, Im glad you didnt make that call for him.  I remember dd was leary of making calls like that and I would tell her that she needed to do it.  Now its not problem for her.  They just need some coaching and practice with things like this.

Quoting nybor48:

 I will always do things for my kids... I'm trying to let go, but i just can't.  my dd is getting better about taking care of her business.  My son however right now wants me to call and make him a DR appt to get a wart burned off of his finger that he's been fighting for about a year now.  I told him I would be more that happy to call his pediatrition for him... lol  he's 22.  I will  make him call for his own appt.  But if he is at my house, I will cook and clean up after him.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 5:58 PM

 What is he doing towards being on his own? Is he just a late bloomer?

Quoting Shellness:

I do some things for my son and yes sometimes he acts like he expects it. When this happens I put him in his place right away. If not, I don't think I am doing him any favors. He is 21 and is not maturing as quickly as I would want him too! He would stay home forever if I let him, but I'm not going to let him. I don't think that would be good for him. I want him to have his own place, his own freedom, see how good it feels, you know, to only have himself to answer to. 

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:14 PM

 Well good for you for putting your foot down!

Quoting kuntrylady56:

When she was living here she was on her own besides for me fixing meals. If she was here she ate,if not I don't run a resturaunt,you don't come in at 1 or 2 in the morning and expect to pull stuff out and dirty dishes ect!  I'm helping her enough by raising her kids . I'll help her out if she needs it but I got tired of being her maid,cook and wash woman along time ago. When there was no returning of the favor or appreciation shown.

When she comes by for a visit or stay a day or two she is still expected to take care of herself and her mess.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:17 PM

 Impressive!!  Good job mama, I like that they contribute towards the grocery bill and do chores.  Every one is pitching in around the household.

Quoting TattooedMomto4:

 No, I don't coddle my adult sons who live at home. I AM a homemaker so there ARE some things that I do everyday. I do laundry every day and while my sons do most of their own laundry some things end up in the downstairs bathroom hamper and I wash it, dry it and put whatever I washed on the beds of whoever it belongs to. While I am waiting on my morning coffee I unload and load the dishwasher so I  do everyone's dishes. It takes a minute and isn't a bother. I always straighten up downstairs and if anything that belongs to others is on the table I take up to their beds. When I grocery shop I buy groceries for my sons & my 20yo's gf, they let me know what they want for breakfast, lunch and snacks and when I make supper (5-6 nights a week) I make enough for 6 of us and if someone is working I make a plate and put in the fridge (all leftover get put in to individual servings and put in the fridge, that makes it easier for anyone taking left over for lunch or heating up supper after work). Given that all 3 of my sons and my 20yo son's gf all contribute $100 each a month to food and that hubby and I are the only ones who go grocery shopping it just makes sense that we are the ones who buy their food. It wouldn't make too much sense for them to all shop and for us to also shop (they all do know how to grocery shop, they have all lived on their own before). They also have basic chores around here....they help with kitchen cleanup after supper if they are home, they feed and water the dogs, they let the dogs out, they take turns mowing the lawn, they take the trash out, they clean the yard (we have 5 dogs) and hubby and sons are in charge of taking turns to clean the downstairs bathroom. My son's gf and I share a bathroom upstairs and we take turns cleaning it. I am in charge of 3 rooms in this house (kitchen, living room and master bedroom) plus laundry and cooking. It's really not a  lot.

Coddling to me would be getting up in the morning and cooking everyone breakfast or making everyone's lunches for the day. My husband and sons all make their own breakfasts and lunches in the morning and I am still asleep when they leave for the day. They all get their own clothes for the day out, even hubby. My sons  & my 20yo's gf all clean their own rooms and do their own laundry (most of it, what doesn't stray in to the hampers). They all pay their own car payments, car insurance and cell phone bills with no financial help from hubby and I.  They also buy their own clothes, hygiene products, pay for themselves when they go out and and pay $150 each a month to help out with grocery expenses and extra water bill and electric bill expenses. So, they do "pull their own weight" around here. It works for us.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:18 PM

 Thats nice that they do that for you too!

Quoting LadySaphira:

I do cook for my adult kids, clean up after them (dishes), and do laundry but not every day and they also do those things for me.

 

Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 11, 2012 at 6:20 PM

 Haha the cookie monster.

Quoting mac1940:

My kids no longer live at home and never did as adults.  I do do things for them when they come to visit or we go to visit them, but they in turn are johnny on the spot to do things for us.  My oldest son has to be related to the original cookie monster, so I quite often send him some of his favorites.  May quit that as postage is getting ridiculous.  When my daughter and her family visits, I usually load them up with this and that before they leave as I do my youngest.  When they visit I try to fix what I remember as their favorites and I also do some cooking in their homes of things they request. 

 

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