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Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

I hate being in this position!Long,sorry:(!

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If you have read any of my previous posts you know I'm raising my two grandchildren.And because of issues with my DD and her a-hole boyfriend I do not want them in my home for any length of time.

Well they are in the position now that by Friday they will be living on the streets!  No job or prospective jobs!  And trying to talk to her is like beating my head against a brick wall.  Being a single Mom,she could get into a shelter along with her son.  But her BF would not be allowed in the same one because they are not married and he is also on paper as a sex offender.(Long story.)  And he is just trouble for her,it seems everytime she is on the right road to get on with her life he interferes some how!

But she LOVES him!  And rather then being able to be with her kids in a safe enviroment,knowing she'll have a roof over her head and food everyday,she would rather tag behind him and live where ever?

Me and my DH(who is her step-dad)discussed even allowing her to move back in with us temporarily and help her get on her feet.  And this is a big decision for us to make becuase of hard feeling between DH and DD over the way she has verbally abused me and the disrespect she has for both of us when she is living here!  But DH even said rather then see her on the streets she would be allowed to come back home as long as he wasn't with her!

But she refuses!  I just don't understand how a Mother can choose an abusive drug using alchoholic a-hole over her own safety and being with her children?  

How am I,as her Mother and Grandmother to my sweet grandchildren supposed to stand by and allow her to continue to be used by him? It hurts to know,no matter what I say or do just dosen't register with her?  banging head into wallsimple frown

boy n girlfrom me and mine

by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 3:42 PM
Replies (11-16):
nana9106
by Darlene on Oct. 14, 2012 at 8:17 AM
I agree

Quoting homeskoolmama:

Do what is best for the gc and dd will have to figure things out for herself.

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KittyGram
by Becky on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:06 AM

Having been in your shoes myself (it's been 4 years now since my granddaughters went back to my daughter's custody - they were my foster children for 2 1/2 years), my only advice to you is just to take care of your grandchildren, and pray hard for your daughter.  Right now her mind is made up.  She's not seeing things clearly, for whatever reason, and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.  But that doesn't mean there won't be a day that she will see things as they are.  Within a week after my granddaughters came to live with me, my daughter was in tears, telling me she probably would never get the girls back.  I asked her right then if she was ready to give up everything, including relationships, and put her daughters first.  She said yes, but she stayed with the guy (he is father of #2, so he's still in their lives, but she's not in that relatinoship anymore).  It was almost a year later that she finally left him, but it was still another year and a half before the kids went back to her.

It will take time, and in all honesty, she may never make the right decision.  Sadly, some parents continue their chosen lifestyle over their kids for the long term.

Shellness
by Michell on Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:00 PM

Honestly and I'm sorry if this hurts you to hear, she doesn't deserve those babies. Let her sleep on the street and get the state to give you the kids.

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:10 PM

This is a very sad situation, but as said by others, some women will choose a man over their own children.  The fact that your daughter chose to have kids with a man like that says a lot about her life choices, and it's always the innocent children who pay in the long  run.  All you can do is your best by your grandchildren, and try to create a good life for them, which it sounds like you are doing.  Best of luck with everything. 

gmadiane
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 4:33 PM

believe it or not sadly I know exactly what your going through

SimpleComSense
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 5:39 PM

Of course you can't give up on your daughter...you love her. I know this must a terribly difficult for you.  I know you will do what is necessary to take care of the children...and if you haven't already...you need to deal with custody. The prospect of losing custody of the kids may be enough to push her towards seeing what is truly important and if it doesn't...well, then the kids are much better off with you until she does. My situation was different but, just as tough.  I had to make the decision that my niece was a danger to her daughter.  They lived with me for 3yrs and I tried everything possible to help her and protect her daughter...in the end, I did both.  I testified at her Involuntary Commitment hearing and I helped the child's grandparents get full custody of her.  It broke my heart but, it was necessary.  My niece was like a daughter to me...She disappeared on to the streets a few months ago.  She hasn't seen or spoken to her 13yr old daughter since she went into the hospital...almost a year ago.  Would I take her back...NO. She refuses to accept she has a problem, she refuses to do what she needs to do.  I won't put my family through that ever again. Sometimes, even a mom has to let go and do what is best...even if it breaks your heart.  I'm sorry you are hurting today...

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