Mother/Daughter issues, not talking since her wedding! Very lenghty story!
Let me first start that my daughter's father and I have been divorced since she was 14. Her father and I don't speak to each other and she has learned to play both sides. I had full custody and raised her myself when it came to every day life. Her father just wanted to be her pal and made me do the parenting.
Her father is remarried and I am engaged to a man I have been with for almost 13 years, which she considers a "stepfather".
Now, her wedding......My daughter and I have been close although we live around 4.5 hours apart. She is in her mid 30's and was living with her fiance during the planning of the wedding. They were paying for the wedding. We chatted online every day, planning her wedding. I visited her for her dress fitting, cake tasting, etc. I went to 2 states for her showers, we both live in another state from where she grew up.
Her father was walking her down the aisle. At the church for the rehearsal, we were getting ready to be escorted down the aisle before the wedding party. My soon to be stepson said that the bride's father's wife should go after me. I said, "No, the mother of the bride gets seated last" They said, alright and the seated step mom and then escorted me to the same pew. Stepmom was at the end of the aisle and wanted me to climb over her to sit. I told her that I raised my daughter for over 30 years and I want to watch her walk down the aisle. She moved over. Then the wedding party came down the aisle and her father handed my daughter to her fiance and turned and looked at where I was sitting and put his arms up and walked around the pew and sat next to his wife. When we repeated the steps, I asked Stepmon if she understood where I was coming from and if she understood, and she said yes.
At the rehearsal party afterward, all seemed well. Nothing was said, and we all got along. The next morning (wedding day), all I got was a text from my daughter asking me to make room for her father so he didn't have to climb over anyone after he walked her down the aisle. No other text. I just thought that I would move over for him after he walked her down the aisle, after all we did make her, he could at least sit next to me in church for her wedding.
We arrive in church, I went downstairs with all the girls, and I had to go upstairs because it was time for the lighting of the unity candles. Then it was time for the procession. Stepmom goes first and sits in the pew, then I come down the aisle. As I am walking down the aisle, stepmom leans over the pew behind her and puts her programs on it. I get to the first pew and she does not move over, taps the seat next to her and says that it was saved for the father, I looked at her and said that this was NOT going to happen and she moved over, I leaned over to her and said that I would move over for the father when he gets there. She then jumps up, runs around the outside of the pew and sits in the pew behind. (I have read many articles on where divorced parents should sit and it said that the parent that raises the child the most sits in front!) Dad walks her down the aisle and sat with his wife. All done!
Now, an even better event happens..... At the reception, we are all having a great time, we had friends sitting with us and we were talking to many of the guests. The flower girl was the grooms neice and my fiance gave her his flower from his jacket. Later in the night, my fiance and I wanted to do a nice slow dance, our first dance together at my daughter's wedding. As soon as we started dancing, the grooms brother came over to us with a very upset look on his face and asked to talk to my fiance, we asked if we could finish our dance and he said no and pulled us apart. He started telling my fiance that he dissed his kid. While they were talking, the Groom comes after my fiance, I grabbed him and asked what this was all about and he said that it was his brother and he didin't care. I told him that he should think about what he was doing, that this was the step father of the bride, and again he repeated the brother thing. I walked away and my friend's husband had to stop him again! I was soooooo upset that I went outside where there were stand-up tables set up.
My fiance came out and told me that there was a misunderstanding that the child just discribed someone that fit his discription and he went after the wrong guy. That I can understand, it was upsetting, but things like that happens, I was more upset that my new son-in-law joined in! His brother came over and apologised to me and asked what he could do, I told him to tell the bride what he just did. He went over to my daughter and they went on the side and they talked for a while. After, my daughter just went inside and danced with her friends, not coming over to me or anything. We left right at the end of the reception and I went back to the hotel and changed and went to the restaurant next door that had a nice outdoor area. We got outside and most of the wedding party was there no one spoke to us! Then the bride and groom come, my daugher walked right past me and acted like I wasn't even there! Another of the grooms brothers came and sat by us for a while and was abruptly summoned by the bride to come back to their table.
My daughter texted me the next morning saying that she had too much "drama" and we would talk about it another time. They weren't leaving for their honeymoon for another week. I waited a few days and heard nothing from her, I emailed her and stated that I thought that I thought I would here from her by now, and she replied that they were taking this week alone like it was an extra week for their honeymoon.
Now, they are back from their honeymoon (which my fiance and I gave her) and still nothing. I emailed her again and said that we needed to talk and she said that what happend at the reception they didn't know about since they were outside and wanted to put this all behind her. I emailed her and told her that her husband was the one I was upset with. Her husband tried to call us the next day, but we were working out in the garden and when we got back inside, we really didn't want to talk to him that night. The next morning, I got an email from my daughter saying that I ruined her wedding, I made a scene at the church, and that my fiance pushed the little boy at the reception and swore at him and the attack on my fiance was warranted! I couldn't believe what I just read! I was very quiet at the church, if anyone heard anything it was my sister that was two pews behind and she said that she didn't hear a thing!
We emailed each other and she insists that it should have been the stepmom at the end of the pew so dad could sit next to her after walking down the aisle and if I didn't understand than we have nothing else to talk about . I insist that I was NOT going to look over her shoulder to watch my own daughter walk down the aisle and I would have moved over for her dad, and if she didn't understand, then we don't have anything else to talk about! That was it, no other conversation with her. I did talk to her husband about the incident at the reception, his story was that he was there to stop it......LOL I just took him for his word, and said that I will take his story and accept it. My daughter then DE-Friended me on her facebook and posted her honeymoon pictures after. Yes, the great honeymoon to Aruba that WE sent her on!
8 weeks go by and she called me and told me that I was going to be a grandmother, we chatted about her new role in life, nothing about the wedding. She asked if I wanted her to email me the ultrasound picture and I said of course! She sent me the picture and that's it, just the picture, not even a note that this was my new grandbaby, nothing. I wrote her back and asked if she posted that on facebook before she sent it to me and she said no. No other news on her pregnancy since.
A couple weeks later, we recieve two boxes of empty jars from all the food we canned the previous year and gave her. I know she couldn't have eaten it all, she had to have just dumped them out and sent them back. Again no note of thanks, nothing. I emailed her and let her know that we got the jars, and that she was a self centered person and all she thinks about was herself. Even her thank you card from the wedding was very generic, it could have gone to a work associate!
I am so hurt, I cry myself to sleep many nights, I love her and miss her, but I really don't like the person she has become. After all these events, I don't know what I want anymore.......
BTW, she got married at the end of May!
How would you feel or handle this?