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WWYD? I want to say something to her **UPDATE**

Posted by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:03 AM
  • 51 Replies

I have been stewing on this for a couple of weeks and the more I think about it the more it pisses me off.
My mom passed away on the first of this month. At the visitation things were emotional and the funeral home was crowded. My cousin shows up and walks past me without a word...strange...I just figured she didn't see me. On her way out I was standing outside with some friends and she litterally RAN past me. Hummmm I guess she was in a hurry. The next day, at the cemetery I was standing there with some of my other cousins and she comes up and gives each of the three of them a hug....she turns her back to me and walks away. OK she IS having some kind of problem with me (I think I know what her problem is...but it truly has nothing to do with her and is none of her business). Right after the pastor gets done with the service the guests come by the family to offer condolences she passed me by. Then she was standing behind me and my daughter was standing beside me and she comes forward and pushes my daughter out of her way to speak to one of our uncles. Then my son is making the rounds giving hugs right before we leave, goes up to her to hug and she says something offish...he said he didn't really hear what she said but her tone was really hateful. I really think that she was being VERY disrespectful and childish. I lost MY mother and my kids lost THEIR grandma. I feel like if she couldn't conduct herself in an adult manner then she should have stayed home.
I haven't seen this cousin in years and I wont see her again until her mother passes. I want to send her a message on FB and tell her how shitty I think she is.
What would you do?

UPDATE**

I see that the general opinion is to "let it go". But me being me...I have to say something. I have re-concidered the FB message, and decided to go with the "kill her with kindness' approach. I am going to send her a Thank You card. She fancys herself a Christian lady...just ask her.

This is what I have written down to send her:

N,

I just wanted to drop you a line and say thank you for your kind words and show of support. Momma's passing has been the most difficult time in my life. There is no other love that could compare to how much we love our mothers. Having my family and friends there to support me, meant a great deal. Our faith and christianity allows us to draw strength from one another. In 1 Peter 3:8 it says "Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble." By showing love and compassion in my time of great need, your Christian ways will surly be rewarded. Anyway, thanks again for being there for me.

Love you always,

Darlene

What do ya'll think? It just seems like a regular thank you note, but SHE will know how I truly feel.

 

 


by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:03 AM
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Replies (1-10):
suzeebloch
by Ronna on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:11 AM

Me being me, I would just let it go.  I know you want to tell her how shitty she was but what is that truly going to accomplish? 

Here's a thought - create a post here,  addressed to this cousin, and tell her everything you would LIKE to tell her!  In otherwords, use us as your venting outlet! 

I'm sorry things between you are so difficult.  And I'm especially sorry about your mom.  What a difficult time this is for you.  HUGS.

jabs54
by Jeanine on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:20 AM

 Her behavior was rude and unkind to say the least.  I guess it wouldn't help to message her and tell her.  But I can certainly understand why you'd want to.  I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this on top of losing your mom :(

DesignGirl450
by Lynda on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:27 AM

Sorry about your mother.  Your cousin was rude, and her behaviour inappropriate, but you say you know what it is about, but has nothing  to do with her.  You should just ignore her, and deal with your own grief about your mom.  Sending her a Facebook message will not make you feel any better, and could make the situation in the family worse. 

LadySaphira
by Lisa on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:34 AM

I agree with the other ladies. I would just let it go. You don't need the addded stress of dealing with her BS.

amylulu1
by Amy on Oct. 21, 2012 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this
I feel like she was very obvious in trying to get a rise out of you and your family. I wouldnt give her the satisfaction of saying anything at all to her. She made herself look like an ass and everyone saw it! She is definitely not worth the space in your head. *hugs*
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by on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:37 AM

Her behavior was rude & unacceptable,
some would tell you to let it go since you don't see her often.
I probably would confront her but that's just me.
Let us know what you decide :)

EireLass
by Gold Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 11:42 AM

I would ignore her and write her out of my life.

Maddie24
by Gold Member on Oct. 21, 2012 at 12:02 PM

I would let it go and vent somewhere else.  I actually had words with my 'stepsister' over the 'step granddaughter' when my father passed away.  He and I were very close and I was the one here taking care of him.  He had said on more than one occassion that the 'step granddaughter' had hurt him terribly and he had not heard from her in years...living in the same town.  The step granddaughter was one of the first ones at the door and brought her companion with her.  They rambled through the house obtrusively and I put a stop to it - bluntly.  I wish now that I had handled the situation better.  It impacted my relationship with my 'step sister'. 

atlmom2
by Susie on Oct. 21, 2012 at 12:08 PM
Ignore it all.
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Esmrlda
by Esme on Oct. 21, 2012 at 1:12 PM
I'm sorry she was so inconsiderate at your time of need. It sounds like its her problem to deal with. Maybe give it some more time when your stronger to deal with her. You have been through a lot and don't need anymore stress right now. Unless of coarse she starts bad mouthing you to family then it will need to be addressed. Give it some time and see how you feel after the holidays then confront her.
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