Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Adult Kids Moms with Adult Kids

Why does our adult son hate us?

Posted by   + Show Post

He never comes around unless he needs help or money. He's on our car insurance otherwise he can't afford it.(we do not pay for it) He keeps getting parking tickets (that he pays for) in our name but my DH just keeps letting it slide (doesn't get made about it). My step-son lives with his mom just a mile down the street. He's 21. Is this normal? I don't remember doing this to my mom. I at least called her twice a week, this kid never even calls.


Edit:

DS pays for his insurance, tuition, car tags, repairs, job related items etc....goes to school 5-6 hours per day and words as a shift manager at Jamba Juice going on 3 years.

by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 3:20 PM
Replies (31-40):
rosebud727
by Rose on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a friend who I have known for years, like over 30 years. We were talking about this one day. How when he was younger he just wouldn't check in with his parents for months at a time. He said when he became a father the magnitude of his actions really hit home with him. He realized, very late of course how his actions must of greatly caused his parents a lot of worry.

He loves his parents and he loved them very much back then as well but he was too busy doing his own thing at the time. He admits it was a very selfish time in his life. Some people are just that way when they are in their 20's and still growing in maturity.


2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 1:58 PM

He pays his own insurance and parking tickets.

Quoting hugss:

Try talking to him,
I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)


2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:00 PM

He pays his own car insurance. It's just cheaper to be on ours. He had full converage for $80.00 per month with us. Now he pays $125.00 per month and has PLPD.

Quoting Dzyre1115:

 He sounds very typical for today's entitled generation.  He's a user and probably a loafer too if at 21 he can't afford his own car insurance.


hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group ;)
Yesterday at 11:20 PM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:00 PM

That's a start, LOL
Just try to keep talking with him :)

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He pays his own insurance and parking tickets.

Quoting hugss:

Try talking to him,
I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)



2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:01 PM


Quoting CoeyG:


Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. 

I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. 

We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. 

Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. 

Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. 

From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. 

Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to


As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!

Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:04 PM

He's been paying his car insurance and parking tickets from the start Not sure why everyone has assumed that DH and I did that for him. I never said that we did. 

Should we also take him off of our health insurance? I mean it will cost him about 450.00 a month, but one mother said he needs to do it for himself. He goes to school 5-6 hours per day and works as a shift manager at Jamba juice right now. Oh and he pay his own tuition.

Quoting hugss:

That's a start, LOL
Just try to keep talking with him :)

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He pays his own insurance and parking tickets.

Quoting hugss:

Try talking to him,
I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)




2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:07 PM

Oh so did I. 

Clinton was in office, and things were affordable, jobs were in plenty. 

He pays for his insurance, tickets, tuition, car repairs, car tags, and one mother said he should be paying his health insurance as well. It will cost about $450.00 per month to stay with the company he's had since birth.

Quoting atlmom2:

I paid my car insurance the week I graduated hs. The bill was on me. Pay it or don't drive.


hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group ;)
Yesterday at 11:20 PM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:08 PM

You said the parking tickets are in your/dh's name .. why is that?

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He's been paying his car insurance and parking tickets from the start Not sure why everyone has assumed that DH and I did that for him. I never said that we did. 

Should we also take him off of our health insurance? I mean it will cost him about 450.00 a month, but one mother said he needs to do it for himself. He goes to school 5-6 hours per day and works as a shift manager at Jamba juice right now. Oh and he pay his own tuition.

Quoting hugss:

That's a start, LOL
Just try to keep talking with him :)

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He pays his own insurance and parking tickets.

Quoting hugss:

Try talking to him,
I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)





2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Because he was on our insurance and the car in our name.

Quoting hugss:

You said the parking tickets are in your/dh's name .. why is that?

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He's been paying his car insurance and parking tickets from the start Not sure why everyone has assumed that DH and I did that for him. I never said that we did. 

Should we also take him off of our health insurance? I mean it will cost him about 450.00 a month, but one mother said he needs to do it for himself. He goes to school 5-6 hours per day and works as a shift manager at Jamba juice right now. Oh and he pay his own tuition.

Quoting hugss:

That's a start, LOL
Just try to keep talking with him :)

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He pays his own insurance and parking tickets.

Quoting hugss:

Try talking to him,
I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)






hugss
Report
Take some *Time Out* for You, Join our Friendly/Supportive group ;)
Yesterday at 11:20 PM
Time Out For You Group - CafeMom

Need some Time for You? Feeling stressed? Kick back, relax & take a break. If you're a woman who just wants to have fun, here's the place :)

by on Nov. 17, 2012 at 2:13 PM

And now he no longer is right?
Is the car still in your name?
If he is not on your insurance then if he doesn't pay the tickets eventually he will have more consequences :(

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

Because he was on our insurance and the car in our name.

Quoting hugss:

You said the parking tickets are in your/dh's name .. why is that?

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He's been paying his car insurance and parking tickets from the start Not sure why everyone has assumed that DH and I did that for him. I never said that we did. 

Should we also take him off of our health insurance? I mean it will cost him about 450.00 a month, but one mother said he needs to do it for himself. He goes to school 5-6 hours per day and works as a shift manager at Jamba juice right now. Oh and he pay his own tuition.

Quoting hugss:

That's a start, LOL
Just try to keep talking with him :)

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He pays his own insurance and parking tickets.

Quoting hugss:

Try talking to him,
I do agree with the others he needs to be paying his own so he can feel the pain of paying off his own parking tickets as well :)







Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN