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Why does our adult son hate us?

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He never comes around unless he needs help or money. He's on our car insurance otherwise he can't afford it.(we do not pay for it) He keeps getting parking tickets (that he pays for) in our name but my DH just keeps letting it slide (doesn't get made about it). My step-son lives with his mom just a mile down the street. He's 21. Is this normal? I don't remember doing this to my mom. I at least called her twice a week, this kid never even calls.


Edit:

DS pays for his insurance, tuition, car tags, repairs, job related items etc....goes to school 5-6 hours per day and words as a shift manager at Jamba Juice going on 3 years.

by on Nov. 16, 2012 at 3:20 PM
Replies (81-90):
2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:16 PM

I guess it's better than what she said...."I'm not the one whining my son hates me"...or saying "Hell yes he needs to be off your insurance". 

I've always had a sense of humor, in fact he and I get along better than he and his dad do.

It's natural for people to respond to others depending on their personality. The member was rude and deserved the treatment she received, actually now that I go back and re-read, she deserved a lot more. But I exercised self-control.

So perhaps you could give her the same advice you gave me? She might benefit. :) 

Quoting EireLass:

When you write things like "thanks for playing"....it makes me think that you're not really serious about this? Perhaps that's a personality thing in you and he can read that in you?


CoeyG
by on Nov. 19, 2012 at 8:25 PM

I said hell yes because I have worked in health insurance as an enrollment specialist, eligiblity specialist and as a claims approver and I know that when a "child" turns 21 and is living on their own the insurance company will drop them from their paretnt's policy because the parents are no longer responsible for their adult children no longer living at home unless it is in a divorce decree, or if the adult child has a lower mental capacity than a "normal" adult child.  Considering the fact that these parents continue to enable their son, I would say he isn't going to be responsible if he doesn't have to...

EireLass
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2012 at 10:31 PM

He would have to quit college over $25/month? Now that sounds like you are blindly enabling.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He is tap/mped and can't pay anymore. I know what he makes and what he spends and it would be squeezing blood from a turnip. If we were to make him pay another red cent he would have to quit college and get a second job. We won't do that to him. As of today he has his own insurance and a car in his own name.

Quoting EireLass:

I would keep him on for that low amount, but he should pay that amount, not 1/2. But definately take your name and husbands name off everything car related. That's too big a liability to you.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

It costs us $50.00 per month, but DS pays $25.00 plus RX's, co-pays and the 20% that insurance does not cover. Now do you see why I see no reason to take him off prematurely? It does not benefit him whatsoever. Well, some believe it will teach him a lesson. I feel it would be detrimental to his health, and jeopardize his college education and his job. 

Quoting GoodPenny:

You said hell yes then assumed that their son legally should have been removed once he was 18. That is not the case. Please read my other post where I break down the facts, and then tell me again why their son should be removed from the insurance coverage. Op, if you are reading this, how much does it cost you to have your son remain on your insurance until he's 25?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting GoodPenny:

Are you going to answer the op about whether or not she should remove her 21 year old son from her insurance? Or are you going to keep talking about how independent you were way back when when there was no recession or fiscal cliff approaching?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

Hell yes.  In fact the health insurance could come back to you to be repaid anything they paid out after he was no longer your husband's responsibility because he should have been taken off at that time.  

Our health insurance allows our children to stay on until age 25. I'm asking you should we take him off now just because he needs to learn to pay his own way? 

I can tell you this, when I was 21 I had been paying my own health insurance from my job for two years.  When I was 21 I drove a brand new car off the lot and I had the title (Yes I paid cash) and the isnurance for that vehicle was in my name and I paid the first 6 months up front out of my own bank account from my own paychecks because I worked full time.  I had my own apartment and I paid the rent as well as heat/cooling, and water cable bills and of course groceries.  At 21 my daughter was paying me rent because she wanted to live with me, I lived close to where she went full time to college and where she also had a full time job.  She also paid half the household bills and paid for some of the groceries, she took care of her own medical bills.  She didn't drive but had she done so she would have paid for her own car and insurance as well.  She was lucky that she had a  mom who made sure her college tuition was paid for by her father in the divorce but she was responsible for the books (that I sometimes helped pay for), she also took out a loan that she wound up payin off before she got her degree.  I don't give able bodied adults a free ride.  Even when she lost her job due to health issues, she helped me around the house, she took care of my health issures as well as paid what she could out of her unemployment, she also took care of her own medical needs because I didn't have medical insurance and could barely afford my own health costs.  Oxygen isn't cheap LOL, The way I look at it, if by the time they are 21 and there is no more child support they'd better start learning how to support themselves, even while there is chld support they should be learning to pay their own way by taking care of their needs, my daughter started paying rent when she was 18, child support ended at 21.  By the way unless you are an ex of Donald Trump, child support rarely covers everything for the child LOL.  Even what I got left me almost $300 short if I had to totally rely on it to support my daughter, thank goodness I was working myself.

Obviously you weren't paying attention either.  I did answer (so many seem to have reading comprehension issus)




2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:07 PM

Every since he found out what he has to pay in car inurance, yes, it will deplete him. 

No enabling going on...just math.


Quoting EireLass:

He would have to quit college over $25/month? Now that sounds like you are blindly enabling.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He is tapped and can't pay anymore. I know what he makes and what he spends and it would be squeezing blood from a turnip. If we were to make him pay another red cent he would have to quit college and get a second job. We won't do that to him. As of today he has his own insurance and a car in his own name.

Quoting EireLass:

I would keep him on for that low amount, but he should pay that amount, not 1/2. But definately take your name and husbands name off everything car related. That's too big a liability to you.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

It costs us $50.00 per month, but DS pays $25.00 plus RX's, co-pays and the 20% that insurance does not cover. Now do you see why I see no reason to take him off prematurely? It does not benefit him whatsoever. Well, some believe it will teach him a lesson. I feel it would be detrimental to his health, and jeopardize his college education and his job. 

Quoting GoodPenny:

You said hell yes then assumed that their son legally should have been removed once he was 18. That is not the case. Please read my other post where I break down the facts, and then tell me again why their son should be removed from the insurance coverage. Op, if you are reading this, how much does it cost you to have your son remain on your insurance until he's 25?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting GoodPenny:

Are you going to answer the op about whether or not she should remove her 21 year old son from her insurance? Or are you going to keep talking about how independent you were way back when when there was no recession or fiscal cliff approaching?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

Hell yes.  In fact the health insurance could come back to you to be repaid anything they paid out after he was no longer your husband's responsibility because he should have been taken off at that time.  

Our health insurance allows our children to stay on until age 25. I'm asking you should we take him off now just because he needs to learn to pay his own way? 

I can tell you this, when I was 21 I had been paying my own health insurance from my job for two years.  When I was 21 I drove a brand new car off the lot and I had the title (Yes I paid cash) and the isnurance for that vehicle was in my name and I paid the first 6 months up front out of my own bank account from my own paychecks because I worked full time.  I had my own apartment and I paid the rent as well as heat/cooling, and water cable bills and of course groceries.  At 21 my daughter was paying me rent because she wanted to live with me, I lived close to where she went full time to college and where she also had a full time job.  She also paid half the household bills and paid for some of the groceries, she took care of her own medical bills.  She didn't drive but had she done so she would have paid for her own car and insurance as well.  She was lucky that she had a  mom who made sure her college tuition was paid for by her father in the divorce but she was responsible for the books (that I sometimes helped pay for), she also took out a loan that she wound up payin off before she got her degree.  I don't give able bodied adults a free ride.  Even when she lost her job due to health issues, she helped me around the house, she took care of my health issures as well as paid what she could out of her unemployment, she also took care of her own medical needs because I didn't have medical insurance and could barely afford my own health costs.  Oxygen isn't cheap LOL, The way I look at it, if by the time they are 21 and there is no more child support they'd better start learning how to support themselves, even while there is chld support they should be learning to pay their own way by taking care of their needs, my daughter started paying rent when she was 18, child support ended at 21.  By the way unless you are an ex of Donald Trump, child support rarely covers everything for the child LOL.  Even what I got left me almost $300 short if I had to totally rely on it to support my daughter, thank goodness I was working myself.

Obviously you weren't paying attention either.  I did answer (so many seem to have reading comprehension issus)





2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:14 PM

Then you are the one with reading comprehension issues because I stated in the beginning he still lives with his mother. There is a difference between enabling and helping.

I understand people who think that any sort of help is enabling, and those that I personally know like that, have very few friends and distant relationships with their adult children and other family members as well due to their hard, unfriendly, cold character.

However, I understand now (not from your posts) that our son has issues with his father leaving his mother. So the avoidance is due to a personal matter and not a financial one.



Quoting CoeyG:

I said hell yes because I have worked in health insurance as an enrollment specialist, eligiblity specialist and as a claims approver and I know that when a "child" turns 21 and is living on their own the insurance company will drop them from their paretnt's policy because the parents are no longer responsible for their adult children no longer living at home unless it is in a divorce decree, or if the adult child has a lower mental capacity than a "normal" adult child.  Considering the fact that these parents continue to enable their son, I would say he isn't going to be responsible if he doesn't have to...


EireLass
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:25 PM

There's absolutely nothing he can do to earn $6/week.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

Every since he found out what he has to pay in car inurance, yes, it will deplete him. 

No enabling going on...just math.

Quoting EireLass:

He would have to quit college over $25/month? Now that sounds like you are blindly enabling.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He is tapped and can't pay anymore. I know what he makes and what he spends and it would be squeezing blood from a turnip. If we were to make him pay another red cent he would have to quit college and get a second job. We won't do that to him. As of today he has his own insurance and a car in his own name.

Quoting EireLass:

I would keep him on for that low amount, but he should pay that amount, not 1/2. But definately take your name and husbands name off everything car related. That's too big a liability to you.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

It costs us $50.00 per month, but DS pays $25.00 plus RX's, co-pays and the 20% that insurance does not cover. Now do you see why I see no reason to take him off prematurely? It does not benefit him whatsoever. Well, some believe it will teach him a lesson. I feel it would be detrimental to his health, and jeopardize his college education and his job. 

Quoting GoodPenny:

You said hell yes then assumed that their son legally should have been removed once he was 18. That is not the case. Please read my other post where I break down the facts, and then tell me again why their son should be removed from the insurance coverage. Op, if you are reading this, how much does it cost you to have your son remain on your insurance until he's 25?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting GoodPenny:

Are you going to answer the op about whether or not she should remove her 21 year old son from her insurance? Or are you going to keep talking about how independent you were way back when when there was no recession or fiscal cliff approaching?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

Hell yes.  In fact the health insurance could come back to you to be repaid anything they paid out after he was no longer your husband's responsibility because he should have been taken off at that time.  

Our health insurance allows our children to stay on until age 25. I'm asking you should we take him off now just because he needs to learn to pay his own way? 

I can tell you this, when I was 21 I had been paying my own health insurance from my job for two years.  When I was 21 I drove a brand new car off the lot and I had the title (Yes I paid cash) and the isnurance for that vehicle was in my name and I paid the first 6 months up front out of my own bank account from my own paychecks because I worked full time.  I had my own apartment and I paid the rent as well as heat/cooling, and water cable bills and of course groceries.  At 21 my daughter was paying me rent because she wanted to live with me, I lived close to where she went full time to college and where she also had a full time job.  She also paid half the household bills and paid for some of the groceries, she took care of her own medical bills.  She didn't drive but had she done so she would have paid for her own car and insurance as well.  She was lucky that she had a  mom who made sure her college tuition was paid for by her father in the divorce but she was responsible for the books (that I sometimes helped pay for), she also took out a loan that she wound up payin off before she got her degree.  I don't give able bodied adults a free ride.  Even when she lost her job due to health issues, she helped me around the house, she took care of my health issures as well as paid what she could out of her unemployment, she also took care of her own medical needs because I didn't have medical insurance and could barely afford my own health costs.  Oxygen isn't cheap LOL, The way I look at it, if by the time they are 21 and there is no more child support they'd better start learning how to support themselves, even while there is chld support they should be learning to pay their own way by taking care of their needs, my daughter started paying rent when she was 18, child support ended at 21.  By the way unless you are an ex of Donald Trump, child support rarely covers everything for the child LOL.  Even what I got left me almost $300 short if I had to totally rely on it to support my daughter, thank goodness I was working myself.

Obviously you weren't paying attention either.  I did answer (so many seem to have reading comprehension issus)






CoeyG
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:23 PM

2Birds1Stone
by on Nov. 21, 2012 at 12:13 AM

The way I see it, even if he could somehow dig up the 25 a month, what kind of parents would we be knowing that the 25 a month is a huge struggle for him but not for us? He is very responsible, not perfect, but he's always paid for his parking tickets. He hardly ever asks us for money and if he does he always pays it back in a timely manner. Besides, we now know why he's been acting distant, and it's not really his fault.

Quoting EireLass:

There's absolutely nothing he can do to earn $6/week.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

Every since he found out what he has to pay in car inurance, yes, it will deplete him. 

No enabling going on...just math.

Quoting EireLass:

He would have to quit college over $25/month? Now that sounds like you are blindly enabling.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He is tapped and can't pay anymore. I know what he makes and what he spends and it would be squeezing blood from a turnip. If we were to make him pay another red cent he would have to quit college and get a second job. We won't do that to him. As of today he has his own insurance and a car in his own name.

Quoting EireLass:

I would keep him on for that low amount, but he should pay that amount, not 1/2. But definately take your name and husbands name off everything car related. That's too big a liability to you.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

It costs us $50.00 per month, but DS pays $25.00 plus RX's, co-pays and the 20% that insurance does not cover. Now do you see why I see no reason to take him off prematurely? It does not benefit him whatsoever. Well, some believe it will teach him a lesson. I feel it would be detrimental to his health, and jeopardize his college education and his job. 

Quoting GoodPenny:

You said hell yes then assumed that their son legally should have been removed once he was 18. That is not the case. Please read my other post where I break down the facts, and then tell me again why their son should be removed from the insurance coverage. Op, if you are reading this, how much does it cost you to have your son remain on your insurance until he's 25?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting GoodPenny:

Are you going to answer the op about whether or not she should remove her 21 year old son from her insurance? Or are you going to keep talking about how independent you were way back when when there was no recession or fiscal cliff approaching?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

Hell yes.  In fact the health insurance could come back to you to be repaid anything they paid out after he was no longer your husband's responsibility because he should have been taken off at that time.  

Our health insurance allows our children to stay on until age 25. I'm asking you should we take him off now just because he needs to learn to pay his own way? 

I can tell you this, when I was 21 I had been paying my own health insurance from my job for two years.  When I was 21 I drove a brand new car off the lot and I had the title (Yes I paid cash) and the isnurance for that vehicle was in my name and I paid the first 6 months up front out of my own bank account from my own paychecks because I worked full time.  I had my own apartment and I paid the rent as well as heat/cooling, and water cable bills and of course groceries.  At 21 my daughter was paying me rent because she wanted to live with me, I lived close to where she went full time to college and where she also had a full time job.  She also paid half the household bills and paid for some of the groceries, she took care of her own medical bills.  She didn't drive but had she done so she would have paid for her own car and insurance as well.  She was lucky that she had a  mom who made sure her college tuition was paid for by her father in the divorce but she was responsible for the books (that I sometimes helped pay for), she also took out a loan that she wound up payin off before she got her degree.  I don't give able bodied adults a free ride.  Even when she lost her job due to health issues, she helped me around the house, she took care of my health issures as well as paid what she could out of her unemployment, she also took care of her own medical needs because I didn't have medical insurance and could barely afford my own health costs.  Oxygen isn't cheap LOL, The way I look at it, if by the time they are 21 and there is no more child support they'd better start learning how to support themselves, even while there is chld support they should be learning to pay their own way by taking care of their needs, my daughter started paying rent when she was 18, child support ended at 21.  By the way unless you are an ex of Donald Trump, child support rarely covers everything for the child LOL.  Even what I got left me almost $300 short if I had to totally rely on it to support my daughter, thank goodness I was working myself.

Obviously you weren't paying attention either.  I did answer (so many seem to have reading comprehension issus)







EireLass
by Gold Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 10:35 AM

Nothing is forever.....at this age, we should all know, understand, and believe this. The problem with young people is they don't know this. Alot of parents have baby'd their kids into believing that if you work hard now, you can work smart later.

Seems you came in here with a question/quandry, and every suggestion given, you've argued with. Really, you only wanted justification for what you do for him.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

The way I see it, even if he could somehow dig up the 25 a month, what kind of parents would we be knowing that the 25 a month is a huge struggle for him but not for us? He is very responsible, not perfect, but he's always paid for his parking tickets. He hardly ever asks us for money and if he does he always pays it back in a timely manner. Besides, we now know why he's been acting distant, and it's not really his fault.

Quoting EireLass:

There's absolutely nothing he can do to earn $6/week.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

Every since he found out what he has to pay in car inurance, yes, it will deplete him. No enabling going on...just math.

Quoting EireLass:

He would have to quit college over $25/month? Now that sounds like you are blindly enabling.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

He is tapped and can't pay anymore. I know what he makes and what he spends and it would be squeezing blood from a turnip. If we were to make him pay another red cent he would have to quit college and get a second job. We won't do that to him. As of today he has his own insurance and a car in his own name.

Quoting EireLass:

I would keep him on for that low amount, but he should pay that amount, not 1/2. But definately take your name and husbands name off everything car related. That's too big a liability to you.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

It costs us $50.00 per month, but DS pays $25.00 plus RX's, co-pays and the 20% that insurance does not cover. Now do you see why I see no reason to take him off prematurely? It does not benefit him whatsoever. Well, some believe it will teach him a lesson. I feel it would be detrimental to his health, and jeopardize his college education and his job. 

Quoting GoodPenny:

You said hell yes then assumed that their son legally should have been removed once he was 18. That is not the case. Please read my other post where I break down the facts, and then tell me again why their son should be removed from the insurance coverage. Op, if you are reading this, how much does it cost you to have your son remain on your insurance until he's 25?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting GoodPenny:

Are you going to answer the op about whether or not she should remove her 21 year old son from her insurance? Or are you going to keep talking about how independent you were way back when when there was no recession or fiscal cliff approaching?
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:
Quoting CoeyG:
Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

I already stated he lives with his mother a mile down the road. I also already stated that he is in the process of being taken off our insurance. We helped out for a few years because he went to school and could only work part time. His hours have now increased. Insurance for him on his own was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

Hell yes.  In fact the health insurance could come back to you to be repaid anything they paid out after he was no longer your husband's responsibility because he should have been taken off at that time.  

Our health insurance allows our children to stay on until age 25. I'm asking you should we take him off now just because he needs to learn to pay his own way? 

I can tell you this, when I was 21 I had been paying my own health insurance from my job for two years.  When I was 21 I drove a brand new car off the lot and I had the title (Yes I paid cash) and the isnurance for that vehicle was in my name and I paid the first 6 months up front out of my own bank account from my own paychecks because I worked full time.  I had my own apartment and I paid the rent as well as heat/cooling, and water cable bills and of course groceries.  At 21 my daughter was paying me rent because she wanted to live with me, I lived close to where she went full time to college and where she also had a full time job.  She also paid half the household bills and paid for some of the groceries, she took care of her own medical bills.  She didn't drive but had she done so she would have paid for her own car and insurance as well.  She was lucky that she had a  mom who made sure her college tuition was paid for by her father in the divorce but she was responsible for the books (that I sometimes helped pay for), she also took out a loan that she wound up payin off before she got her degree.  I don't give able bodied adults a free ride.  Even when she lost her job due to health issues, she helped me around the house, she took care of my health issures as well as paid what she could out of her unemployment, she also took care of her own medical needs because I didn't have medical insurance and could barely afford my own health costs.  Oxygen isn't cheap LOL, The way I look at it, if by the time they are 21 and there is no more child support they'd better start learning how to support themselves, even while there is chld support they should be learning to pay their own way by taking care of their needs, my daughter started paying rent when she was 18, child support ended at 21.  By the way unless you are an ex of Donald Trump, child support rarely covers everything for the child LOL.  Even what I got left me almost $300 short if I had to totally rely on it to support my daughter, thank goodness I was working myself.

Obviously you weren't paying attention either.  I did answer (so many seem to have reading comprehension issus)

GoodPenny
by on Nov. 22, 2012 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

 


 

 

Quoting EireLass:

Nothing is forever.....at this age, we should all know, understand, and believe this. The problem with young people is they don't know this. Alot of parents have baby'd their kids into believing that if you work hard now, you can work smart later. And that's wrong iyo? How is teaching your kids to work hard babying them? 

Seems you came in here with a question/quandry, and every suggestion given, you've argued with. Not true. She took into consideration the suggestions given, used wisdom, and ultimately realized that my suggestions was the right one. You might be a little butthurt that she chose my advise and not yours, but it is what it is.   Really, you only wanted justification for what you do for him.

Quoting 2Birds1Stone:

The way I see it, even if he could somehow dig up the 25 a month, what kind of parents would we be knowing that the 25 a month is a huge struggle for him but not for us? He is very responsible, not perfect, but he's always paid for his parking tickets. He hardly ever asks us for money and if he does he always pays it back in a timely manner. Besides, we now know why he's been acting distant, and it's not really his fault.

was going to be $200.00 per month as a new young driver. Now he's 21 and has some years and experience under his belt. From what I know, he does not pay rent at his moms due to the fact he's still in school about 5-6 hours a day. Her rule is stay in school and she will help him by letting him stay rent free. Should we take him off of our health insurance too? I mean if he needs to be on his own entirely?

Quoting CoeyG:

You are enabling your son's behavior, you husband keeps paying the tickets and you keep him on your car insurance.  Your husband is aware that his insurance rates are going to go up because of those tickets right?  And why are they in your husband's name?  Is the car not registered to your son?  If not why not?  As for the 21 year old.  What isn't normal about it, he is 21 and living at home...are you making him pay rent and help out with the bills?  If not, why not?  He is an adult and should be paying his own way, just as your son who lives outside your home.  The reason they treat you the way they do is because you allow them to

As far as the health insurance goes that depends upon the divorce decree between his mother and father.  I know my daughter was no longer on my ex's health insurance when she turned 21, I was glad she had a job that offered it as well as the fact that she was able to get a secondary policy by being a full time college student.  I wouldn't be "in the process of getting him off" my car insurance, he never would have been put on to begin with unless it was in the divorce papers.  The fact that it would have cost him $200 a month, that's the price one has to pay.  If the 21 year old isn't pay his mother rent that is her problem.  And if he is no longer eligble for child support under the court order then there is no reason to give him money.  He's a big boy, he needs to learn how to live within a budget and to take care of his own needs by himself.  You mean like the rest of American? Sorry couldn't resist lol!!Legally, we are not responsbile for him. So should we cut him off our health insurance or not? 

Hell yes.  In fact the health insurance could come back to you to be repaid anything they paid out after he was no longer your husband's responsibility because he should have been taken off at that time.  

Our health insurance allows our children to stay on until age 25. I'm asking you should we take him off now just because he needs to learn to pay his own way? 

I can tell you this, when I was 21 I had been paying my own health insurance from my job for two years.  When I was 21 I drove a brand new car off the lot and I had the title (Yes I paid cash) and the isnurance for that vehicle was in my name and I paid the first 6 months up front out of my own bank account from my own paychecks because I worked full time.  I had my own apartment and I paid the rent as well as heat/cooling, and water cable bills and of course groceries.  At 21 my daughter was paying me rent because she wanted to live with me, I lived close to where she went full time to college and where she also had a full time job.  She also paid half the household bills and paid for some of the groceries, she took care of her own medical bills.  She didn't drive but had she done so she would have paid for her own car and insurance as well.  She was lucky that she had a  mom who made sure her college tuition was paid for by her father in the divorce but she was responsible for the books (that I sometimes helped pay for), she also took out a loan that she wound up payin off beforeshe got her degree.  I don't give able bodied adults a free ride.  Even when she lost her job due to health issues, she helped me around the house, she took care of my health issures as well as paid what she could out of her unemployment, she also took care of her own medical needs because I didn't have medical insurance and could barely afford my own health costs.  Oxygen isn't cheap LOL, The way I look at it, if by the time they are 21 and there is no more child support they'd better start learning how to support themselves, even while there is chld support they should be learning to pay their own way by taking care of their needs, my daughter started paying rent when she was 18, child support ended at 21.  By the way unless you are an ex of Donald Trump, child support rarely covers everything for the child LOL.  Even what I got left me almost $300 short if I had to totally rely on it to support my daughter, thank goodness I was working myself.

Obviously you weren't paying attention either.  I did answer (so many seem to have reading comprehension issus)


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